#viltrumites

Nolan - Like a sleeping beast. This deep drawn-out grumble that he makes every time he breathes out that’s both loud and can be felt from deep within him when contact with him is made.

Conquest - He sounds like a gravely old car engine. This loud and constant rumbling that would vibrate your entire body as if you were sat in the seat of an excavator.

Kregg - Like a mountain lion. Loud with every inhale but softer on every exhale. Just loud enough to be seductive/imposing up close but just silent enough to where it’s sweet and inviting from far away.

Lucan - House cat. This constant rising and falling rumble with the same cadance of someone who’s been running. Impossible for him to keep quiet much to his embarrassment. Can be heard from the next room over.

Anissa - Silent. But you can feel it in her abdomen when she’s close to you. This constant motorboat-like rumble from deep within her that you can only hear when her mouth and nose is near your ear.

Thula - High-pitched. A cat-like trill that punctuates every inhale, a noticeable gruffness in the noise that’s come at the price of her old age. Cannot stop herself when she’s making physical contact with someone she truly cares for.

Thragg - Kitten-like. Soft puttering barely audible coming from his mighty form, but it is there, and constant nonetheless.

Imagine Lucan walking through the door after coming home from one of those meetings only to find his wife already waiting on the couch, and he immediately goes, "YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT I LEARNED TODAY!"

Don’t even get me started on Kregg. The second he decides to whisper a piece of the gossip to one of his wives, it’s completely over. It spreads like wildfire between his partners and that information might as well be broadcasted on live intergalactic TV with the exact same reach after that.

“Ugh, this is boring. When do we eat, anyway?”

Conquest halted in his tracks, glaring over one muscled shoulder with disdain. “What d’you think this is, boy, the Emperor’s flagship? This ain’t no pleasure cruise. It’s called survival training, and it’s why you’re here. You want something to eat, you catch it yourself.”

“Are you serious?”

In one smooth motion, almost too fast to see, Conquest pivoted about-face and delivered a sharp backhand to Quegg’s temple with a dull crack.

“Well,” Conquest declared to stunned silence. A spark of perverse joy flickered in his tiger eyes; a predator sighting prey. “It looks like someone’s volunteered to fetch our dinner tonight. Get out there, boy, and make a kill. And don’t think you can weasel your way out of it this time, or bribe someone else to do your dirty work. You’re doing this alone. Lucky for you, it’s a simple task. These woods are teeming with big game. I don’t really care which one you pick. Just don’t come back until you bring me its heart.”

Quegg rubbed his face, testing the flesh around his eye as it swelled to a fine bruise already. Torix watched him sidelong, gritting her teeth and mentally willing him not to open his big mouth again, but it seemed Quegg had at least one more foolish question in him:

“W-why do you want its heart, Instructor?”

(Or comedies, reality tv whatever you wanna say)

Characters- terra, onaan, ursaal, marky, thula, conquest, Oliver, mark, thragg, nolan

Sorry not many characters this time 😔 I’m not very well versed in sitcoms but I thought this idea was too funny not to share- I also choose the sitcoms based on one or two characters IN the show that remind me of whatever viltrumite.

TERRA: the middle- mostly because she reminds me of sue heck, I could see them both as a bit awkward and weird but still kind

ONAAN: I have a personal vendetta against the Big Bang theory so I think onaan fits that show because like him, all the characters are terrible people

URSAAL: the office because she reminds me a lot of a mix of Pam and Micheal.. please tell me somebody sees it- misunderstood, a bit silly and somewhat empathetic like Micheal and fairly mature + composed like Pam

MARKY: marky gives me missy from young Sheldon vibes- ignored or overshadowed by his sibling but still has lots of his own talents and sadly problems that go ignored mostly (luckily Marky does end up with a happier story I’m more talking about his younger self)

THULA: thula is an old lady and friends is an old lady sitcom so she would without a doubt watch friends (or Seinfeld)

CONQUEST: everybody hates Chris, because everybody hates conquest 🤭

OLIVER: Oliver would be Malcom in the middle, he just would- and character wise I could see him probably as any of the brothers except Dewey (is that his name?) anyways- there all troublesome teenage boys and that’s what Oliver is sooo Malcom in the middle

MARK: mark is genuinely indistinguishable from Jim in the office- theres like barely any differences except one is Asian. These two characters are so alike it’s uncanny (I’m talking personality/ humour wise rather than lore wise)

THRAGG: he’s also the office- specifically Dwight!!!! ..sigh yes another the office one (boring!!) but you guys gotta hear me out on this one: traditional, straightforward, blunt, determined, passionate the list goes on, there personality’s or just demeanours are so similar

Oh my.... U make me blush. If it makes no sense its on u for reading post titled viltrumites breastfeeding headcanons

cw: breasfeeding, canon typical violence, incorrect evolution speculations, spoilers for comic n show

General headcanons:

After some testing the main thing about it: Its thick, its very very vitamin dense. Imagine making a protein smoothie with like 1ml of water n thousand other vitamins? That is its baseline. Weirdly enough i think as long as they get enough like, meat, the taste doesnt change n consistency stays similiar. If ure not a viltrumite itll be hard to drink it bc most pumping machines are unable to actually get the milk out so get to work anon.

Short history. Viltrumites go through massive extinctions pretty often because of the whole "lets kill everyone because the others r weaker than us" n for that u must have kids that will be stronger than your opposing side. Which brings in that half of the family might get wiped out so, viltrumites must evolve to be able to support their kids as singular entity. I think the governments on Viltrum were divided same as humans, but because of how violent they are i also think the wars were constant and with it population numbers always varied enough for it to matter but not enough for viltrumites to change. Then space travel discovered and now viltrumites, lacking fast travel, were again separated for long periods of time.

Also because of lack of fast travel for a while i also think idea of space viltrumites that were born and raised on spaceships is pretty common. While traveling to planet that will be conquered could predict like one battalion and then here comes more viltrumites than you expect n half of them arent even fully grown and yet stil stronger than your whole planet. Also anger issues taht arent as controlled as grown viltrumite really add up.

After Argall became emperor this evolutionary trait also helped because the kids n parent became separate units. If both parents can breastfeed theres no need for both parents to stay around the child so they can be abandoned for the weaker partner to take care of them. Which the babies also get abandoned after they gain powers to fend for themselves. Exceptions included*

Viltrumites breastfeeding

Nolan: Of course the dilf himself would be great. He confused Debbie when he suggested letting her rest after Mark drunk more than fragile human body could produce(hc: mark was a chubby baby). And then Debbie gets to see male tits lactate and find out things about viltrumites Cecil could never even wish for. Out of curiosity she would try it, finding out it always tastes the same - and overbearing. Good lord Debbie felt shame for like 1 sip and then both humans in the family prefered viltrumite milk to Earthly ones. 7/10

Conquest: Powder -9999/10. Also gets extremely excited if his partner tries to feed on him so his chest is just, impossible to get the milk out so ud have to play with his nipples for days before u can actually get anything out of them. Powder or not.

Thadeus: Powder but its strawberry milk powder. -2/10. Look. He lives on a planet without traveling around and from generation before Argall took power, his milk will be different. Its bound to happen. This to say of all viltrumites i think hed have the most problem with letting you try it for yourself.

Lucan: Okay okay, bear with me, itll be fine 6/10 on good day 3/10 on a bad day? Honestly i do think getting milk out of him would be pretty enjoyable for him because of lack of scars and muscles are padded with fat + i think his nipples are sensitive. No i cant explain why. Just trust me bro. By bad days i mean like. Neither of you could see each other bc of work so hes sulking alone. And by good is when viltrumite gets pampered by all attention the world(you) can give him. Just squeeze his tit into ur cup and u can finish drawing heart in ur coffee.

Thula: powder 1/10. Singular point bc uts nutritional but do you truly wanna drink it? I know you do.

Kregg: before earth - standard viltrumite milk, maybe has more lasting aftertaste than average viltrumite. After earth? That milk tastes like grandmas ashes. Consistency of very very thick milk, id want to describe it as watered down youghurt just how thick it is. But luckily his tits are made to be sucked on and he had plenty of times when he lactated before (thragg). -99/10 kregg stop smoking.

Thragg: im not sharing this. 6/10...Why his rating will be this low? Easy. During [spoilers for comic] the whole viltrumite/traxxan arc i dont think he breastfed anyone but like, Onaan n Ursaal (bc theyre favorite duh), n hes very conservative viltrumite so the weaker partners were taking care of the kids like in canon. But the milk that was tried! (And one u will get) This guy bc of being test tube baby simply lacks enough milk in his tits to feed kids consistently, n because of the whole being a genetic freak bc of the experimentation, i dont think his milk tastes that good anyway. Its still healthy n full of minerals, but of every viltrumite his would have this weird taste like its fake milk

+ extra