#victorgarber

You guys! I finally watched the lesbian holiday movie!! Though when I texted my mom to tell her I was finally watching this, she thought I was talking about The Prom and I laughed for a real long time about it (mainly because it will take me an even longer time to get around to hate watching that!) It already took about a month to get to this one. There is a lot to discuss here - and also one wig!

So this is the first (big budget) holiday lesbian movie, which I am very here for. However, most of the movie feels like a combination between My Best Friend’s Wedding, Meet the Parents, and The Family Stone but with lesbians. Those movies were made between 1997 and 2005 and this movie feels like it should exist somewhere in that time as well. The whole plot of the movie is basically that Kristen Stewart (Abby) has to pretend NOT to be Mackenzie Davis’s (Harper’s)  long-term girlfriend for the sake of Harper’s conservative family with local political aspirations while also spending 5 days with them during Christmas. It’s a conceit that exists solely in these brand of garbage holiday rom coms but definitely one that feels bizarrely antiquated as well. 

Anyway! There is only one wig in this movie which belongs to Davis, who had a vastly superior lesbian wig in that one episode of Black Mirror that made us all cry. We first see this under this hat where it should have hidden for the rest of the film! 

Sadly, the next scene involves the full emergence of this wig and truly: NO. This thing is dried out, bent, and disheveled in not a cool way (Stewart’s actual hair is disheveled in a cool way, though). The entire presence of this wig bothers me because: just have her have whatever hair she has? This is not a historical recreation (that I’m aware of?) and she is not playing a real person! This feels like when SNL cast members wear wigs in sketches for similarly non-existent reasons. However, SNL wigs are vastly superior to this mess!

So anyway, Harper invites Abby to have Christmas at her parents’ house in the heat of the moment during a very romantic (?) Pittsburgh Christmas lights tour which is apparently something that exists. Abby conveniently, and completely for the sake of this plot to work (?) does not like Christmas and also is an orphan, getting rid of any possible Christmas plan conflicts. And then literally on the way to visiting Harper’s family, she is all: by the way, they don’t know you’re my girlfriend or that I’m a lesbian and you have to go along with it for sake of this movie to exist even though this is absolutely a terrible thing to ask of anyone, periodt. But we are beginning to find out that Harper’s character is as full of garbage as her wig. 

So we meet the parents, who are Victor Garber, Mary Steenbergen, and also Mary Steenbergen’s iPad which vulture correctly identifies as the star of this movie AND IT IS. Especially during the end credits where we get to see all the pics the iPad takes! But I’m getting ahead of myself. The parents live in one of those cavernous houses that is definitely a mansion but tries to feel homey even though it probably has about 12 bedrooms and usually only exists in a Nancy Meyers movie. Despite its amount of bedrooms,  Abby has to sleep in a basement bunker which also doubles as a well organized rubbermaid storage unit. For the rest of the movie, Abby is treated like a subhuman trash person much in the way Ben Stiller is treated in Meet the Parents and Sarah Jessica Parker is treated in The Family Stone, except they don’t also have to pretend to not be in a relationship with the family member they arrived with. This conceit becomes so degrading that you honestly wonder why these people are still together!

Abby endures scene after scene of total nonsense and still looks better than the wig on her terrible girlfriend. Which starts actually looking better in a few of these scenes but still is very much a terrible and noticeable wig which is on par with Rachel McAdams’ wig in Mean Girls in that we are constantly told that these women are gorgeous and every single time I ask “YOU MEAN WITH THAT TERRIBLE WIG ON THEIR HEADS????” I suppose this wig was “necessary” because Harper’s two sisters also have long-ish brown hair so they were going for some sort of familial consistency except one daughter has a terrible wig and the other two have hair. Also one sister is Alison Brie, who plays a harpy so awful that she starts to make Harper look palatable and one sister is Mary Holland, who also cowrote the script, and definitely wrote herself the only character who I’d like to meet in real life. 

Along the way, we also meet Aubrey Plaza, who I usually hate because she is just one-note sullen, but here is actually great as Harper’s high school ex-girlfriend who Harper outted and allowed to be bullied and wow Harper - you have been terrible for decades!! Also compared to Harper, Aubrey has beautiful (real) hair, doesn’t lie to her entire family, and has actual chemistry with Abby. I very much wanted Abby to end up with Aubrey and I am not alone! Harper somehow avoids Abby for most of the time they are both staying in the same (albeit huge) house and there is even a dumb subplot about Abby being framed for shoplifting while trying to buy a gift for the parents’ very important white elephant gift exchange during their very important Christmas Eve party and I wonder if any of these people really knows what a white elephant gift is or how to exist in society? Meanwhile, as Harper reverts to being more falsely  heteronormative at her parents house, I started to wonder if her wig was trying to serve a larger purpose in showing how fake this character is but: no it’s just a bad wig. Also this movie really does the impossible: it makes me care about and feel bad for Kristen Stewart! 

Although I did find it highly questionable that though they are the stars of a romantic comedy, neither Kristen Stewart or Mackenzie Davis is funny AT ALL. Like not even a little! Which makes the “comedic” plight of Stewart all the more upsetting! All comedy is left to the one good daughter (Mary Holland) and also all gay men in the movie. This is mainly Abby’s bff and national (Canadian) treasure, Dan Levy and also Drag Race faves Jinxx Monsoon and Ben De-La-Creme in this one gay bar scene which is honestly truly inconceivable and except for further cementing the fact that Abby and Aubrey really should get together. 

In the end, Alison Brie finds out Harper’s TERRIBLE SECRET THAT NO ONE IN 2020 COULD POSSIBLY FATHOM (that she’s a lesbian) and they have a fight in the middle of the white elephant party which reveals that all the family has been competing for years for each other’s love which is really really messed up and now I kind of hate everyone in this family. And also Harper is outed to her entire terrible family and also Ana Gasteyer (and also a room full of other randos). And she denies her lesbian truth!  I recently watched Uncle Frank which is essentially everything Hillbilly Elegy wanted to be but is Shakespeare compared to that mess, and a similar scene occurs but that character bravely faces the truth - and in 1970s SOUTH CAROLINA!! I don’t know what time or space this movie thinks it exists in but it is baffling. Still, Dan Levy gives an emotional monologue about how no one can decide when anyone else is ready to come out of the closet so: FAIR. And then Harper does come out and the entire family kind gives absolutely no reaction to this until Victor Garber says it’s ok?? ABSOLUTELY AND TRULY BIZARRELY PATRIARCHAL. And then Harper and Abby get back together in the parking lot of a Love’s convenience store which is as cheesy and clunky as any garbage holiday rom com so I guess this is definitely a new holiday “classic” which I’ll probably watch 100 more times and hate Harper and her terrible wig each time about as much as I hate Laura Linney’s terrible life choices in Love, Actually. AS CONFOUNDING AS HARPER’S WIG OR THE CHOICE TO GIVE HER ONE AT ALL!

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ

I’m willing to give Godspell the benefit of the doubt. This musical is not entirely successful. The elements that work do add up to enough to make it worth seeing for a certain target audience. What we have on our hands may be a cheap knockoff of Jesus Christ Superstar (which came out the same year and deals with similar subject matter) but then again, it feels earnest.

Based on the Gospel of St. Matthew but set in New York, John the Baptist (David Haskell) gathers a diverse band of young citizens to follow and learn from the prophecized Messiah, Jesus Christ (Victor Garber). The film takes a humorous tone and describes through skits, songs and mime several Parables such as The Good Samaritan, The Prodigal Son, the Beatitudes, and others.

This film is very much a product of its time, to a fault. It’s unclear why Jesus has an almost clown-like look with makeup on his face (a big heart on his forehead and tear marks below his eyes), or why the abundance of rainbows and goofy voices. To contrast the New York setting? I wouldn't consider these choices, the way the musicals are handled or the fashion and hairstyles evergreen.

The film is more intelligent than it initially seems. The bright colors, miming, singing and exaggerated dances are deliberate choices. At the beginning of the film, everyone looks very formal with their briefcases and such. No one is having any fun. Even the ballerina looks like she’s working, not dancing. When Jesus appears though, formality vanishes. The only people left are the ones having fun, those who dress in colorful, outlandish clothes and paint their faces. These visual clues, the songs, and silly, simplistic interpretations of the parables are meant to appeal to children and child-like audiences. Matthew 18:3 reads “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” The intent is clear. The look is meant to be jarring and to be only fully understood upon further reflection.

Other elements also show some profundity, like the choice to cast one actor for both John the Baptist and Judas. We're not given a clear definition of when one character ends the other begins. The depiction of the Pharisee is another strong scene for the way it makes a point without demonizing or criticizing any specific group of people and for the special effects utilized.

The scenes that work are often matched with others that frustrate. The crucifixion is portrayed in a way that's confusing rather than heart-wrenching. Another letdown is the songs, which are not particularly memorable. The vaudeville-like dances in Times Square are iconic and charming, but there’s only maybe one song that I would recognize from the soundtrack. Lastly, the limited cast does make for some interesting choices but not always. A max of 9 people on-screen at a time is too few.

You probably didn't know what to make of Godspell when you saw it. Give it another chance and think about the choices made throughout by director David Greene. Its approach to the biblical passages is unusual. In this case, this translates to "unique" and "original". Think about what I said about children and the way they approach these stories. You'll see that Godspell is flawed and dated but quite inspired. (On VHS, April 10, 2015)

as of late, I felt drawn back to watch one of my favorite series of all time, alias, from first season to last.

there was something that resonated, and signs that I related back to my own life and what I was meant here to do.

that was an ever purveying question of mine and one thing at a very young age I’d desperately wish to fulfil.

I am time-sensitive. every tower moment that has occurred in my life stream has been revolving around the lessons that time is what matters the most and how you use it.

whenever I’d veer off the path, life would tell me to hop back on it through a shocking revelation that I’d reverently run from.

though some of the episodes were long and strung out, the moment that season 5 came to a halt, in the most perfect way, it just made me respect the show even more, knowing when their time of show running was over.

j.j.abrams always offers docile doses of familial relations to extensive and intricate plot devices. he’s a fucking awesome creator for that.

to this day, actors still don’t know what the plot of rambaldi really revealed. and yet, a part of me feels they really are cia agents who are in deep cover as celebrities 🤣🤣

but after one sleepless night tossing and turning to see if I figured it out, I realized that it was so simple.

similar to the alchemist, the answer was there all along, that the quest for rambaldi was the promise of eternal life.

that the underlying greed, was all for the desire to live forever. be plugged into the matrix for all eternity, popping those blue pills like it’s plenty.

and then I asked myself, (going on a tangent I know) is that a life worth living?

already being a red pill in a blue pill world is hard, and ultimately I’d like to believe I’d eventually surrender myself to the stars from which I came.

you see, at a very young age, at 7 years old, I was cognizant of death as a notion. I’d cry sitting next to my dad in the living room, dreading having to witness my loved ones die, before me and then me leaving the ones I loved.

it was something I understood that was inevitable. a condition for living in this matrix. that one day your experience would come to an end.

and the reason why I felt this fear, was because when I tried to regress back to the time before I incepted into my mother’s womb, I remember seeing that I was nothing but air in the galaxy of stars.

when I looked to my left and right it was silence that you could slice like a knife.

only the twinkle of the stars told me that time was still moving.

I was non-existent, and that’s what scared me.

but it’s amazing how life comes full circle.

how now understanding theoretically that I am of consciousness, is that I never actually perish, only my form does.

one thing I do feel strongly however is that before I leave this world I must fulfil what I inherently am here to do.

though it’s never spelled out to me entirely, there’s always an invisible thread guiding the steps that I’m meant to take to lead me up to where I need to be.

as I write this protestors are now gathering at the center of the road, and I’m left with wondering where the real entertainment is.

when this was supposed to be a post about my gripes on saying good bye to alias (and secretly praying that there’d be another go at it, however truly happy that jennifer garner and victor garber are still a solid pair to this day) I’m now faced with looking at heated protests erupting right before my eyes.

alas, alias, thanks for being a true inspiration and reminding me of what matters the most and the time we have on this planet.

you still are to this day my favorite show. I’m not sure how I’m going to move on from you.

The Cast Of The Flash Season 3 Episode 17 "Duet”: 

Grant Gustin as Barry Allen/The Flash 

Melissa Benoist as Kara Danvers/Supergirl 

Darren Criss as Music Meister 

Victor Garber as Professor Martin Stein/Firestorm

Candice Patton as Iris West