#vices;

sen’s relationship with weed isn’t just recreational (though she is a bit of a stoner), it’s actually very mechanical. her brain doesn’t have an off switch. the hypervigilance ingrained in her means every sound is a threat assessment, every shadow gets catalogued, every exit in a room mapped before she sits down. and while this aspect of her is what has (for better or worse) helped her be successful in her “career”, it’s exhausting and it never stops. weed is the closest thing she has to a volume knob. it doesn’t turn it off, nothing turns it off, but it wraps around her nerves like a weighted blanket and dulls the edge enough that she can sit still for more than ten minutes without her teeth grinding. she found it during her early 20s while homeless when the nightmares got bad enough that she stopped sleeping altogether and someone on the street handed her a joint like it was nothing. it was the first time in years her body wasn’t braced for something. she’s not romantic about it. while she partakes in the culture, it’s a tool first and foremost — the same way her computer rigs are tools, the same way her masks are tools. it keeps her functional. take it away and you don’t get a cleaner sen, you get one who hasn’t slept in three days and is one wrong sound away from going completely dark for a week.