#vibrational setpoint

50 / Apathy - definitely a feeling of hopelessness when it comes to upgrading my wardrobe. I've basically committed to a capsule wardrobe forward b/c i was having a difficult time finding items to wear (in my closet and instore)

stuck in the root chakra. i feel helpless to the conditioning of my childhood

JOURNAL: what was i condition towards as a child? (uniform to rio vista shift)

75 to 100 / grief + desire - regret the missed opportunity of my adolescence b/c i know what I would have done if it and the resources were presented to me. I've always been a lover of fashion.

sacral activation towards mental body, but no, i don't feel much emotion toward this right now.

WORKSHOP

How do you want to express your personal style? Lets say you have an unlimited amount of resources and skill, what designs would you make and what style combinations do you want to experiment with?

including beauty (skincare, makeup, hygiene), bare minimum, rest + recovery

75/100 Grief + Anxiety - comes from the acknowledgement that i need to take care of myself (at the very least wash my face and brush my teeth every morning and evening) but there is a lot of anxiety (lack of assurance) building up to it and then the impending regret when i don't.

rooted in the sacral chakra. exploring the lower levels of this creative energy. where i am finding fear in expressing myself.

stagnation of growth rooted in the discomfort of the root chakra. it is unfamiliar, therefore unnecessary.

the goal is to find/develop the motivation to blow past this stagnation with discipline

125 Desire - to have a more concrete / expansive routine with my self-care. like the level i know Sahlt and Lori Harvey are on.

still in the sacral chakra. on the borderline of willpower.

there is a lot of emotion i am unpacking regarding those two woman. on one hand, it is very easy for a girl like me to become envious over their lifestyle. they are both two beautiful young women, who appear to have grown up in a secure household where their strength in their self esteem and femininity was supported and even encouraged. Far from the home i lived in. 

So what do i want from my self-care? | I imagine as a teenager i would have wanted a supportive and encouraging foundation for my appearance first and foremost. the awareness and understanding that as a woman, beauty is my greatest asset and i can give myself all the permission i need to focus on myself so i can look and feel nice. even as I think back on those years (the townhouse is quite vivid) i can only imagine my mom and stepfather being unsupportive and condescending towards my femininity. their first priority was my domestication; if i cant keep the home clean (2+ hours in the kitchen + not being able to have stuff) then there was no point in me focusing on any other part of myself. THIS WAS THE CONDITIONING of my adolescence. instead of being taught how to give my all to myself, i was programmed to believe i didn't matter, what mattered was ... tbh i don't even want to conceptualize what it was besides the fact that i didn't deserve to give that attention to myself. *and this is where i stopped b/c i started getting very emotional*

WORKSHOP (things to do to solidify my growth)

what is the story you keep telling yourself?

what is the vision you want for yourself?

c. affirmations for balancing my root chakra allowing me to feel comfortable investing time and luxury into myself.

100/125 | fear/desire

much of my fear in self projection is rooted in societal/familial programming from my childhood. I know how i don't want to come across

the desire to come across as a bby. I want people to see me as seriously as i see myself

JOURNALs  - what has societal/familial taught/instilled in me about first impressions / self-projection? - Fear Factor: "what am i going to do wrong?" - rooted in the SACRAL chakra: who are u creatively? how do you want to express yourself?

WORKSHOP