Он огромный, сильно больше прошлого, а на фоне птичьих костей вообще гигант. Жаль, от него осталась только половина. Хотя в этом даже есть какой-то символизм.

Неделя была очень долгой. Радует только, что лето уже совсем близко.

It's been 18 years. She is now retired and I can't get my files from her (though, it has been 18 years so they'd be out of date anyway).

Fam... I'm 3 FULL INCHES SHORTER now than I was at 17/18, as of my last physical.

So, the other day I finally hit a point where I said "fuck it," and decided to tell my current doctor to just send me for all the imaging she thinks is necessary so I can move forward and *hopefully* get surgery to fix my back. I'll likely be talking to her about this by Friday.

And like... knowing now that some kind of end is in sight... I've realized how I've spent the last almost 20 years.

I can't sit, stand, lay down, walk, exercise, etc., without terrible pain. And that's been my life this whole time. I have to sleep with a hot water bottle against my back. I can't lay on my back. I can't sit at a desk for long without pain (not great as a freelance illustrator). I can't do *anything* without pain.

I realized that my "good" days where things are normal are likely a 5 to 7 on others' pain scales, and bad days that leave me vomiting from pain... would probably leave other's unconscious from it.

It's just been a fixture for so long I didnt realize...