#verbalvomit

After being on and off Dayre for a while now, I have decided to forsake the mobile blogging platform to seek a space slightly more concealed so that I could be at ease to write about issues more personal and close ro heart. Adopting the idea from Charlie in “Perks of A Wallflower”, I’m contemplating to write an entry each week to document my daily happenings and thoughts, which I reckon would make a nice read when I look back years down the road.

Essentially, it’s just all going to be verbal vomit. So here goes.

Dear Diary,

It has been a great week thus far and I have so much to tell you!  Granted that I was lazy to hit the gym on Monday and wasted that entire day doing nothing, I was more spurred on the next day when I received a whatsapp message from the parent of one of my tutees, requesting that I begin on a new tuition assignment with his second daughter. I thought that I had enough of lolling around so I got changed and packed my gym bag almost at once. I don’t know if it’s natural to feel lethargic at first, but finds the surge of energy once you’re on the exercise machine. Well, that’s me. At that moment of time, I felt like I truly belong to the gym. Ha ha ha.

Gym was followed by a really sinful lunch that I haven’t had in a long while. MacDonald’s’. The new creation of Buttermilk Crispy Chicken Burger has been on my radar after hearing the hype and good reviews about it. I told myself it was alright because I did manage to burn at least 500 calories before settling for such an indulgent feast.

I woke up diligently for gym on Wednesday as well, but didn’t quite have as much energy to burn the same amount of calories like the previous day. Accompanied Vera to collect her graduation gown at Farrer Park and we had the lunch sets at Watami thereafter. I swear I was really famished by then. We headed down to Tyrwhitt Road to get ice cream lava cookies for desserts as I showed Vera the video of delectable treat and we were later spazzing over it.

Both Tuesday and Wednesday ended at 9pm after tuition with the Siu’s for the second and third daughter. Eldest daughter’s tuition is on Saturdays. I was contemplating if I should ask Daddy Siu to combine the two tuitions in a day but I have yet to see my final timetable. So plans for that would probably be on hold now.

I wasn’t feeling as diligent on Thursday. While I did wake up in the morning early enough to hit gym and grab lunch before heading for my afternoon tuition, lolling around reading on my kindle seems far more attractive than anything else then. I fell asleep halfway and woke up barely having enough time to prepare before heading out. Tuition with my Thursday kid went pretty ok. We have just increased tuition duration to 2 hours this week and I hope that she’s coping fine because I’m lenient enough to allow her breaks while I mark her work. Read: use phone. I think it’s fine for her to use her phone while I’m marking her work and likewise, for me to read my kindle when she doesn’t need me to supervise while she tries the questions. Win-win.

One friend asked me what plans did I have on Friday and I told her “rest”. I wasn’t even kidding. It felt like I’ve been out of the house a lot and I just need some me-time to loll around and do some reading like the geek I am. And so I did. It just feels so right to be spending my time like this. And yes, no gym because I wasn’t diligent enough. Friday’s dinner was at MacDonald’s’ again, but this time with my parents. They wanted to try the premium burgers and I wanted to have a taste of the new Nasi Lemak Burger so I thought why not? Ordered it ala carte for myself to make it less sinful. The burgers are so good and I’m kinda’ worried I might have a craving for it sooner or later. Must. Resist. The. Temptation.

I usually like to lie on my bed and watch some shows before bedtime. I wanted to finish Master: Ruler of the Mask but it was getting too boring and the connection too sloppy so I agve up and to my surprise, I found the new episode to Suits Season 7 Episode 1: Skin In The Game!!! I roughly know they are coming back on air some time in July but I didn’t know it was this week. What a pleasant surprise yes? First episode took off pretty well, and who knows Donna is actually a seat for herself at the table when she hinted that she wants something more? And hey, I didn’t know it would be a difficult transition to Managing Partner for Harvey… Watching him struggle to take the position unsettles me. Towards the end, I can’t help but gave a thumbs up when Harvey told his client off. I was like “WAY TO GO, HARVEY!!! THAT’S IT!!! SHOW THEM WHO’S BOSS.” Can’t wait for Episode 2 already! The rest of the night was just me starting on ANTM. I kinda’ like some of the models already but their true colours seems to be showing as time goes by???

Slept at 2am and woke up 7 hours later for two back-to-back tuitions. The first one has been alright as usual and the second one is probably getting more and more dreadful. The kid has no desire to learn and she outwardly exclaims that she hates tuition. It is so difficult to get her to listen while she easily gets distracted and haggles on the questions that we should cover. Sweet and funny as she can be, time still passes pretty slowly as I try every ounce of energy possible to engage her into learning. Someone, tell me how to save a person when he/she has already given up on himself/herself? I conceded defeat and told her that it’s alright to dismiss me if she isn’t really learning anything from me. I ended the tuition by encouraging her and very matter-of-factly drilling her on the importance of education in today’s society & the aftermath consequences while she fires away at a game on my phone. Whether she gets it or not, I don’t know, but I have really tried my best. While I don’t mind having additional income, I was already thinking to let her go when she doesn’t really pay attention during lessons. Do you see the dilemma now? I have decided to let the family choose to continue tuition or not because I don’t wish to think about it any further.

Onto more exciting news, I can’t wait for my 4d3n Taiwan trip with my mousey friend in a few days’ time! We have planned to cover Yilan and its wonders of nature before stopping by Taipei to satiate our Taiwanese snacks cravings! Thinking about the upcoming ginormous food indulgecne, I reckon I probably need to hit the gym almost every other day this week yes?

Please give me the diligence and perseverance to endure 5 consecutive days of gym.

With lots of love,

終於走過了哭腫眼睛的日子

了解 也認清了

有時 你也只能妥協

努力不是一切   付出不代表所有

但我還是選擇堅信我的理念

如果連我自己也不相信這個世界了   那我還狗屁什麼我相信人之初性本善 

我憑什麼說我還是想要幫助低收入的族群或住在醫療水平很低的地區的人民

我覺得就是因為我們人類越來越不相信別人 對別人很容易起疑心

所以這個世界越來越不溫暖了 

（我不怪任何人 畢竟真的有太多的詐騙集團了）

從我在集資平台嘗試集資的活動就看得出來大部分的人存有疑心 所以不捐款

有一些只是看熱鬧 卻不想幫忙

可是還是有很可愛的朋友盡力地捐款

雖然我們好久沒見面了     

謝謝你們    

我真的真的真的很感激有你們雪中送炭   讓我感受到人間溫暖

我會記住我所經歷的困難和難過   然後繼續幫助比我更有困難的人

因為有能力   才可以幫助別人

                                                                                                                       題外話

為什麼選擇用中文寫這篇文章呢？

因為我總是覺得中文才是靠我靠得最近的語言   

雖然有些人覺得我可能說英文好像還比較順一點

我只能說是習慣和環境

對我而言，中文和英文都是我的母語

因為從小我就和爸爸說英文，但和媽媽說中文

可是硬是要比較的話，中文應該比較溜

比較常跟姊姊和弟弟說中文，也上了11年的中文課

我也很愛看台灣的綜藝和訪談節目

比起英文書籍   我更愛看中文書籍 （最最最喜歡張小嫻了！）