#ver fic

Some dimwit had gotten the genius idea to text their boyfriend if he wanted a baby, and then everyone was asking.  He couldn’t believe Juleka had been stupid enough to ask Rose of all people - of course Rose wanted a baby!  Rose was like Marinette - they’d both probably had the white picket fence and 2.5 kids planned out since…

Dingo was suddenly not very bored anymore.  A wicked grin curled his lips as he pulled up Marinette’s contact on Luka’s phone.

LC: hey

LC: want a baby?  :eyes:

He snickered as a checkmark appeared in the bottom of the message.  Bubbles popped up a moment later, showing she was typing a reply.  Oh, this was gonna be good...

MDC: Like, a real one, or as a prop?

...or...not?  What the shit did she mean, a prop?  Who had prop babies?  (Besides, y’know, church nativity plays or whatever.)

LC: prop?

LC: what would we use a prop baby for?

His foot started bouncing again as she typed out her answer.  The bubbles disappeared for a moment before popping up again.

MDC: I don’t know. Dingo’s always coming up with crazy schemes

...oi.  Rude, but true.  His eyes narrowed at the screen.  She didn’t suspect anything, did she?  He thought he’d been doing a good job sounding like Lulu.

MDC: I thought he might want it in your show or something

MDC: Advertising?

MDC: Noone can resist a hot guitarist holding a baby

So less a prop baby and more a publicity baby?  He supposed that made sense.  But...how would Luka even hold a baby with his guitar?  He’d seen those baby backpack things, but he doubted even Luka could successfully play with a baby strapped to his chest.  And how would that even work?  A baby on stage?  They’d need ear plugs and probably shades and...

LC: but

LC: a baby on stage

LC: what am I supposed to do?  Chuck it at the crowd?

She immediately began typing a reply to that, and his grin widened.  Good.  He hoped he scared her with that one.  God, couldn’t Marinette be normal for once?  Wasn’t she supposed to freak out or assume he meant a dog or something?  Or a goat!  It wouldn’t be the first time Luka had brought something weird home, or...

LC: or

LC: wait you might have something

LC: roger might not arrest him next time if he has a baby

LC: you totally need a baby

Officer Roger actually liked babies.  If Luka had a spare baby lying around, it might just work out in their favor...

MDC: Not on stage.

MDC: Ugh. You’re spending too much time with Dingo

Ok, still rude!  He was actually starting to get a little offended.  He thought Marinette liked him!  Why had he started texting her again?

MDC: I meant publicity photos

MDC: And don’t give anyone ideas

Oh, right.  Because he’d been bored, and that was the point of the prank, right?  To find out how your significant other reacted to the demands for a baby.  Because Juleka had pulled the prank on Rose and was probably at the local baby shelter picking one out now, and Marinette was like Rose, so shouldn’t she be jumping all over this?  Like where was the Big Reaction, the immediate OH MY GOD YES LUKA PUT A BABY IN ME response?

He was almost disappointed in her.

LC: no but i’m trying to?

LC: i want you to have ideas

LC: baby ideas

LC: so do you want a baby or not?

MDC: So like a baby, baby? Not just a prop baby?

Dingo flopped back against the headboard, nearly knocking his head on the annoying little light affixed to it, and grinned.  Finally, they were getting somewhere!  He wiggled his thumbs, eagerly awaiting the response she was typing up.

MDC: Are you trying to knock me up?

He snorted, glancing at the bathroom door (he could still hear the water running; he was safe).  He would wager Luka had been trying to knock her up for a while now.

LC: it could be fun ;D

MDC: And this is how you’re asking?

LC: is there a better way to ask?

MDC: In person?

...except he really couldn’t, because then Marinette would know he wasn’t Luka.  Shit.

LC: hard to do when out of town tho?

MDC: Videochat?

“Vidchat yourself, baby girl,” he snorted, shaking his head.  She was typing again, though, so he knew he was safe (at least temporarily) from explaining why ‘Luka’ couldn’t vidcall her.

MDC: It’s also *hard* to have a baby when you’re not here

...oh.  Oh, shit.  That sounded...angry.  Passive-aggressive, at least.  Dingo was starting to wonder if maybe this hadn’t been the best way to pass his time.  His thumbs hovered over the screen for a moment, uncertain.  She wasn’t typing anymore.  Was she waiting for a response?  Was she angry?

Shit.  Had he just pissed her off?  While pretending to be Luka?

LC: ...do you seriously want a baby?

MDC: Of course I want to have babies with you.

MDC: If you’re in town *long* enough

Dingo suddenly didn’t find this game very fun anymore.  He could practically see the annoyed eyebrow lifting onto her forehead.  He could almost hear the annoyed snap in her tone.  He had the distinct feeling he had just stepped into something he was better off not stepping in.  Except he wasn’t quite sure what?  Marinette couldn’t seriously be upset with Luka for taking an out of town gig, could she?  That was part of the life - she knew that!  She had her own out of town work gigs!

“Oi, Lu!” he called, but there was no answer from the bathroom.  He wondered if Luka had heard him over the water or if he was just ignoring him.  “Lulu!”

Marinette still wasn’t typing.  He groaned, tapping out a quick message.

LC: hold on

LC: you

She was typing again.  Shit!  She didn’t need to be texting him - she needed to be having this discussion with Luka!

“Mate, I fucked up!” he called, ripping the phone off the charger and scrambling off the bed.  Marinette was still typing, and he groaned.

LC: HOLD

LC: ON

He ignored Luka’s annoyed shout as he ripped open the bathroom door (like he hadn’t seen him naked before - he was probably more upset he’d let all the hot air out!).

“Dingo, what the hell?!” Luka snapped, from...somewhere in the vicinity of the shower.  Dingo’s shades had fogged up the second he’d stepped into the room, and he couldn’t see for shit.

“I fucked up!  I fucked up, mate!” he said, and before Luka could ask what he meant he was tossing his phone at the shower.

“Dingo!” Luka shouted, scrambling to catch the phone before it broke on the floor or died in the water.  He tripped over the lip of the tub, nearly ripping the shower curtain off as he tried to simultaneously save himself and his phone from certain doom.  He looked up, glaring as he panted to catch his breath, but Dingo was already gone.

“I’M SORRY!” Dingo shouted from the main room, and Luka groaned as he looked down at his phone.

Wait.

Why was Marinette’s text chain pulled up?

He started typing without reading the conversation.

LC: Marinette do I want to know why ding just threw my phone in the shower?

Her reply was instant.

MDC: Dingo?

LC: …

MDC: I’m gonna kill that little gremlin

Glancing through the previous messages, Luka had to agree.  What the hell had Dingo been playing at?

LC: I’m very confused rn

LC: why is he asking if you want to have a baby?

Because that was really none of his business?  Yeah, they had vaguely talked about kids - someday, when their careers were more settled and they weren’t travelling so much and he had kind of hoped they’d be married first, but they had no immediate plans for kids?  And he thought they were both fine with that?

“Ding, why the hell are you asking my girlfriend to have a baby?” he called, grabbing a towel and heading out to the main room.  Dingo was pretending to sleep, a pillow shoved over his head.  He walked over and slapped him.  “Hey.  Dumbass.  What the hell is all this?”

“It’s a prank!  She was supposed to get all dopey and stupid and demand you go to the baby pound like Rose did, not get pissed!” Dingo whined, pulling the pillow tighter over his head.

“...baby pound?” Luka asked, still reading through the conversation.  “What the hell’s a baby pound?”

“You know, where you go to adopt all the unwanted babies!” Dingo said, sitting up and shrugging like that was obvious.

“I think they’re called hospitals, Ding,” Luka muttered, rolling his eyes.  “Or foster homes.”

“Well, I don’t know!  D’you really think I know shit about kids?  I’m not a kid person, Lu!” Dingo whined.

LC: why are

LC: wait

MDC: Shit

Shit, indeed.  He was almost...no, he was definitely a little hurt.  Did Marinette really think so little of him?

LC: why would I ask you about a publicity baby?

That was more something Jagged would do, if Penny ever let him get away with it (which she wouldn’t, because she had more sense than that).  And besides, didn’t Marinette think he’d have a bit more...tact than that?  At the least he’d wait until he was with her to discuss the baby thing.  He wasn’t that stupid.

He sat down heavily on Dingo’s bed, staring at the phone in his hands.  He tensed when he felt Dingo’s hand on his shoulder.

“I will rip it off,” he said darkly, and Dingo jerked back.

LC: did you seriously think I’d ask you like

MDC: *^%$##$%^

LC: did

...did she honestly think he was?

MDC: Hold on

MDC: I’m gonna go scream

MDC: Then I’m calling you

He sighed and reached up, rubbing at his face.  Ok.  Ok.  This was clearly a conversation they needed to actually have, and not over text.  They needed to talk.  Because...he grinned, scrolling up to a bit earlier in the conversation.  Because she wanted to have his babies.  But he definitely hadn’t planned on asing her like that - he hadn’t even been the one to ask her, damn it.

LC: ok give me a second to find some pants

He laughed when she quickly shot him back an emoji.

MDC: :leers:

LC: no you know what dingus can gtfo

He slapped Dingo’s knee and glared at him over his shoulder.

“Out,” he said.  “I don’t care where you go.  Sleep in the van for all I care.  You are not allowed to be here for this conversation.”

“But -” Dingo started, and Luka shook his head.

“If I’m sleeping on the couch tomorrow I’m going to do worse than kick you out,” he said, throwing in a smile for good measure.  Dingo winced and nodded, grabbing his own phone.

“I’ll...uh...there was a bar downstairs,” he said, nodding.  “I’m just gonna...I’ll be back.  Later.  Much later.  You...I said I’m sorry, right?”

“You’re always sorry,” Luka sighed.  He looked back at his phone, grinning as he saw the emoji again.  He heard the door close, and his smile was a bit easier as he typed out a reply.

LC: don’t you leer at me

LC: not unless your pants are off too?  :smiling_imp:

He moved over to his own bed, dropping back with a sigh as his phone started buzzing with Marinette’s incoming video call.  He accepted the call and held his phone in front of his face, speaking before she could even get a hello out.

“I love you,” he said, smiling when he heard her suck in a breath.  “Whatever he said, I’m sorry.  But I love you, and I would never ask you like that, and I definitely want to have your babies.”

“...I don’t think it works like that,” she answered.

As Luka chuckled, the phone moved away from his face, and Marinette’s smile turned positively wicked. “I love you too, Star, but you know how you said you needed pants…” She trailed off as Luka looked down at his attire… or complete lack thereof. 

He sighed and ran a hand through his still wet hair. “I was in the shower when Dingo decided it was a good idea to proposition you. At least I was almost done.”

Marinette couldn’t contain her snort of laughter, and the phone slipped out of her fingers as she positively cackled. Luka’s cheeks pinked and he sighed a long-suffering sigh. “I was just finishing up.” Marinette’s cackle became a howl of laughter as Luka spluttered, wondering exactly where he had gone wrong. 

“As I was rinsing the shampoo out of my hair, Dingo barged in, apologizing and throwing my phone at me. You called before I had a chance to get dressed.” Glancing back down at the phone, he saw Marinette had picked the phone back up, and propped it against her sewing machine. Mirroring her action, he set it on the table while he grabbed his clothes. By the time he was back in the frame, Marinette had calmed down, but she pouted when she saw he’d managed to put on his pants.

Rubbing at his hair with the towel, so it stood up at all kinds of odd angles, Luka tugged on a t-shirt before sitting down in the chair. “So... “ He said, raising an eyebrow. “Babies?”

“With you, this time, not Dingo?” She sighed heavily, and rolled her eyes at him. “You really need to change your password.”

Luka nodded his agreement. “I really do. And yes. I guess if we’re actually going to have this conversation now, then I want to have kids with you. I figured at some point in the future would be good, when we aren’t travelling so much, and we’re comfortable with where we are in our careers.”

The teasing look had left Marinette’s face, and she began to fidget with something off screen. When she looked back up at him, she looked downright nervous. “So, um, would just under seven months from now be too soon?”

The furrow between Luka’s eyebrows deepened in confusion. “Don’t these things take nine months? Don’t tell me Dingo talked you into going to his ‘baby pound’ to adopt one.”

Marinette shook her head as she continued to fidget, her agitation growing by the second. “Well, uh, yes. I mean no. I mean… yes, babies take 9 months and no, I don’t want to go to the baby pound.”

She let out a string of expletives that had Luka’s eyes going round. His girlfriend rarely cursed , and all of the epithets were hurled at his erstwhile best friend. While he was certain that Dingo had earned all of them, his antics didn’t usually upset Marinette this much. She usually just laughed them off, much as he did. 

Pulling herself together, Marinette met Luka’s eyes. “I was going to tell you this when you got home, but, um… surprise!” She had something in her hand, and was waving it around in front of her, but Luka couldn't tell exactly what it was, until… “Luka, I’m pregnant. I got the confirmation from the doctor today, but I took a few tests.” She waved a dozen or more little pink and white sticks in front of the camera while Luka just stared at her, dumbstruck. 

Slowly, a grin curled at the corners of his mouth, growing until it practically split his face. “Really?” He whispered, as if saying the words out loud would shatter the dream he was in. 

Marinette nodded, wiping the tear streaks from her face as she smiled back at him, nervous and elated in equal measure. They talked over the details, and Luka’s smile never faltered. If anything, it morphed into something even more dopey. 

He was still smiling when Dingo slunk back into the room an hour and a half later, a peace offering of food clutched in one hand, his keys in the other, ready to make a quick getaway if necessary. Taking in Luka’s smile, and the way he was sprawled out on the bed, Dingo immediately reached the wrong conclusion. “Really? Phone sex? You should be thanking me for bringing up babies, not throwing me out.”