#vatya

Katya had never woken up in a lake, but she had woken up in a pool of her own sweat...on many occasions. Believe it or not, wet clothes didn’t do it for her. Katya groaned, Spending the night between these sheets gives a whole new meaning to the word wet. She peeled her bedding off her body and crept as lightly as she could to her bathroom. Her hair? Drenched. Her nightshirt? Soaked. She made an ugly face in the mirror. At least she could get in a walk before school.  

Katya didn’t like to exercise in the slightest, but it was a great way to get rid of excess energy and caused her body to release more of the chemicals it had decided to be stingy with as of late. Thankfully, it was still dark outside at 5:00 in the morning. Katya really only liked being outside when it was dark or dark adjacent. Call her a vampire, but the sun was an asshole in her books; the August weather wasn’t much less of a prick. 

Unfortunately, the fresh air that morning had done little to clear her head. Katya was still in a fugue state when she stepped back through her front door. The house was still dark, but Katya knew that her mom would be awake and waiting for her in the kitchen. 

Pam Zamolodchikova could best be described as an unshakable woman, a true force of nature. She was no fool, either, but that didn’t stop Katya from trying to rub the sleep from her eyes; she’d hate for her mom to worry. Katya kept her focus on her mom’s flannel robe as she moved to explain herself. “Sorry if I woke you on my way out,” Katya apologized.

“It wasn’t you,” Pam assured her, “It was that damn dog of yours looking for lizards again.” A shit-eating grin spread across Katya’s face. “Yekaterina, don’t you dare,” Pam warned as her daughter failed to suppress a snicker. “It is way too early for your cackling. You’re going to wake your father up.”

Katya pouted, folding her arms across her chest. What was the point in having a dog named Goose if you couldn’t call it a silly goose? Her mom would say she didn’t know how to do so at an acceptable decibel level, but Katya had the sneaking suspicion she was jealous that she didn’t think of it first. “Fine,” she caved, “But I will be demanding payment for my restraint in the form of sustenance.” 

“Extorting your own mother, Katya? That’s low even for you,” Pam admonished. Katya stuck out her tongue before scurrying up the stairs on all fours to take a quick shower. 

“Are you okay?” Pam asked as Katya took up her usual perch halfway down the stairs. Katya, who was in the middle of toweling off her hair, froze in her tracks. There’s really no good answer, is there? Katy sighed. She gave her head one last shake and tossed the towel down beside her. She needed to come up with something. “Yeah. I’m fine. I just haven;t been sleeping well. It’s probably stress or something.”  She gave her mom a small, lopsided smile. Fortunately, hert mom seemed to believe her. Katya felt bad for lying through her teeth—she practically told her mom everything—but she wasn’t about to give her mom another reason to stress. Pam carried the weight of the world on her shoulders, and it was only fair for someone else to shoulder some of the burden at least every once in a while. 

“You’ve gotta stop living in your head, Chicky,” Pam repeated the words she’d told her daughter thousands of times before. “If you’re not careful,  you’ll miss the life you have right in front of you.” Katya  nodded. One of these days she might actually just take her mom’s advice. It sucked ass to be back on this ol teenage bullshit. But when did life not suck? “I need caffeine,” Katya declared.

“There’s Diet Coke in the fridge,” Pam informed. “Don’t forget to take your medicine.” Katya’s mom had made her french toast for breakfast; it was one of Katya’s favorites. She usually had cereal for breakfast. Maybe I wasn’t as convincing as I’d thought? Bummer, Katya chewed on her bottom lip.

Katya was quick to slam her car door shut. If you weren’t fast enough, your baby blue Volkswagen Beetle could turn into a mosquito breeding ground, and Katya didn’t have the time or the willpower to find an illegal market for the unwanted spawn and make some major bank. From the junior lot, Katya could see the cheerleaders conditioning on the track. Oh, to be a primadonna steeping in the ozone sea. Katya was sure that it had to get to a point where you weren’t sure if it were condensation or perspiration coating your skin. You’re just wet. Katya chuckled quietly to herself, hehe...wet...maybe I should pursue a career in comedy. If she were a comedian, she could drop out of high school. Even better, if she dropped out of high school, she might finally be able to stop thinking about two blondes, one sweet as sugar and the other a barrel of monkeys, and the she-demon of a brunette who stared her down as she walked along the sidewalk.

Katya was not brave, she was not mouthy, and yet she found herself sticking her neck out on the train tracks and opening her trap wide enough to stuff a watermelon down her gullet when she knew she shouldn’t. She was going to get herself killed, or worse, targeted. Lady loving made Katya a loon, but she’d be lying if she told herself she would snap out of it any time soon.

It was a B Day, and B stood for “biology” and “bitches”. An hour and a half of reshelving did nothing to quiet the pounding in her ears. 

Katya entered Mrs. Yonkin’s classroom like a lamb going to slaughter. No, not a lamb—too cute—like a pig, like a big-bellied sow going to slaughter. Maybe Violet was kosher, or at the very least, not coming to class today. Violet did come to class, though, fashionably late and waving a pink hall pass. The stench of self importance that trailed behind her might have put off casual onlookers, but up close and personal, Katya could see that Violet looked rough—well, as rough as a fashion-forward teenage influencer could look. Her white, retro cat eye glasses were a clear indication of a hangover, and Katya was glad that she’d only taken a bath in her beer if the alternative was unimpressed and undead. She wasn’t quite sure her abstinence had done her any favors, though, considering that she’d still managed to get herself into plenty of trouble. I should probably apologize to Violet...again...Katya sighed, if she’s out and about, she can’t be in too terrible shape, right? Wrong. One of these days, Katya might just learn that when it comes to Violet, she’s usually, if not always, wrong.

The black haired beauty cradled her head in her hand, elbow digging into the plastic of the table. 

“Hey, Violet,”Katya began, “Can I talk to you for a second?” No response. She tried again: “Please? I just need a minute of your time.”

 At that, Violet scoffed. “If I give you a minute, what’s to stop you from asking for more?” 

Katya wanted to pull out her hair. For Peter’s sake, can nothing in life be easy? She groaned inwardly and outwardly, “Look, Lady, I don’t get off on being belittled, would you please just let me apologize for—”

“For projecting your pedestrian feelings onto an unwilling hostage? I have more important things to do with my life than listen to your drivel,” Violet interrupted. 

Biting her lip, Katya did her best to produce a confident response, “Actually, yes,” She admitted. You’re entirely right, I shouldn’t have assumed what I did or pretended like I knew what you were going through or feeling. Did you ever listen to that TED Talk about how your brain wants to make the good and smart choices and but then there’s that little monkey that fucks everything up for a good time?” 

Violet set her jaw.

“I know, I know it’s like Brenda shut up, you sound like you’ve had six glasses of juice, but I’m going somewhere with this,” Katya plowed ahead. “That fucking monkey has been flinging shit at the walls of my bone palace for years, and sometimes even when things feel dumb, I do them or say them anyways because I need to. I don’t know why, and I’m sorry.” Clearing her throat, she admitted, “I think that I was just in my head a lot that night—that whole day, really. I think there’s just a part of me that feels alone in my struggles, and maybe I was hoping to not be alone, or at the very least let you know that you weren’t alone? It was dumb. I shouldn’t have projected. I’m sorry.” Katya sighed.

“Cry me a river,” Violet deadpanned, turning to face the whiteboard.

Katya whispered to herself, “That’s a good song.” The blonde didn’t know why she’d decided to bend over and show Violet her entire asshole; it didn’t feel great. There’s a particular flavor of emptiness that comes with spilling out the contents of your Hello Kitty purse in front of someone and having them stare pointedly at your protractor, and it tastes like sweaty balls. Oh, JT, Katya lamented, maybe it’s time to put this one legged show pony out to pasture. At the very least she had tried, right? She had done her best and been sincere, and if the she-demon couldn’t accept that, then that was on her, not Katya.

The blonde couldn’t have fled the science hallway any faster. She’d endured the rest of the lecture in uncomfortable silence, and now it was time for her to eat lunch alone. Again. It was almost relieving that she wouldn’t have to entertain anyone. For an hour, she would be alone with her thoughts, and maybe, just maybe, she could convince herself that she wasn’t on the verge of another mental break.