#vampire jaskier

So, I know Lauren said that Jaskier not aging in the show was just a filming mistake, something they simply forgot to do and on a completely logical level I am fully aware that in canon Jaskier is completely human, 100%. And I also know that they're not gonna change it, no matter how much some of us may wish they did (Although why not? They already strayed so far from the books and made so many changes, might as well go the extra mile)

Realistic-ish headcanons:

- Jaskier is part elf, perhaps quarter elf like Yennefer, it is an entirely justifiable headcanon, theoretically, Jaskier's human father could have married a half elf commoner woman (who may or may not have had the pointy tips on her ears cut off with a knife to avoid human prejudice)

- Jaskier has a fae ancestor, somewhere many many generations back in his ancestry, so his entire family is suspiciously long lived but nobody cares because Lettenhove isn't politically important and therefore doesn't catch the attention of the prejudiced Nobles farther up the royal court chain.

- Jaskier unintentionally drinks the same elixir mages/sorcerers drink to prolong their life. I read that chaos wielders don't have naturally long lifespans, they semi-regularly drink an elixir with mandrake roots in it to slow the aging process. According to Witcher Wiki, you can only buy mandrake root in Lindenvale and my headcanon is that Jaskier experiments with many different tea blends to see which one is more effective for soothing his throat after singing. So at the age of 29-30, he wanders into Lindenvale and buys some dried mandrake to make a tea, after one sip he felt more rejuvenated than ever and since that day, mandrake root tea has become his number one go-to, he drinks it as often as he can.

More fanfic centric, less canon possible headcanons:

- Jaskier is a Dryad. (Yayyy trans Jaskier headcanon) Since Lettenhove is so tiny, it isn't even on the Witcher continent map, but a simple Google search says that it is Located somewhere in Kerack. Kerack borders with Brokilon, so it's kind of a nifty little loophole for fanfic writers to use and place Lettenhove somewhere near the forests where Dryads live.

And while most Dryads treat any man that enters their realm as a mere sperm donor, Witcher Wiki does also mention that some Dryads can form emotional relationships and fall in love with humans and/or elves, but in the end, all Dryad born offspring is AFAB. So imagine this, Jaskier's father falls in love with a Dryad, she falls in love with him, they have Jaskier, Jaskier notices early on that he feels like a boy and his rich Viscount father hires a mage to help Jaskier transition early.

“Geralt! Geralt, don’t leave me!” 

There was a scurrying sound as Jaskier scrambled up from the floor, kicking up dust behind him as he scuttled after the witcher. Geralt turned with a frown as he watched Jaskier run up to him. He reached down for his saddle bag, hands tugging at the straps as he looked back up at Jaskier. 

“I thought you were still in there,” he said, scrunching up his nose. “It’s barely dusk,”

Jaskier shrugged, and rolled his shoulders and stretched his arms out in front of him, stretching with a quiet sigh.  

“I’ve slept enough,” Jaskier said and ran a hand through his hair to flick it back from his eyes. “Besides, I want to see how you deal with this.” 

--

A few hours later, Geralt came walking back to the base of the tree, covered in gore and guts clutching the nightwraith’s head in one hand. Jaskier peeked through the leaves and branches, let out a pleased squeak, and swooped down to stand next to him. He staggered as he shifted back, uneasy on his feet after so long hanging upside down in the tree. 

“Magnificent!” he chuckled delightedly at Geralt’s frown. “Oh darling, you are absolutely filthy-” he swiped a finger through the dirt covering Geralt’s face- “just look at you,” he brushed his sleeve across Geralt’s cheek, ignoring the grunt he got in response, "we will have to find somewhere with a bath for this, I don't think that stream is going to cut it."

He pointed at a tiny trickling line of water meandering between the bushes and trees, dark with mud. Geralt’s frown deepened, but he let himself be dragged off towards town without further complaint, listening as Jaskier rambled excitedly about the various birds and creatures he had seen running through the undergrowth whilst Geralt had been hunting the nightwraith. Geralt smiled softly at him, amused by how someone who had lived as long as Jaskier could still be so intrigued by foxes and badgers. It wasn't just that- Jaskier was interested in every detail of humans lives that he could get his hands on, he wanted to learn about all the festivals and traditions in every corner of the Continent they visited. They made a strange pair to Geralt's eyes anyway, a vampire and a witcher wandering side by side, but he was certain that it must seem even stranger to the townsfolk, even without knowing what Jaskier was.

--

They were able to get a place in the inn uneventfully for once, and Geralt had to admit as he sank into the scalding hot water that it was for better than the dirty, icy stream would have been. He hummed, eyes slipping closed as he felt Jaskier's hands push into his hair and begin rubbing his scalp. 

"Just relax, dear heart. I'll look after you," Jaskier murmured. Geralt let out a soft moan and sank further into the water.

--

When Geralt awoke the next morning, it was to Jaskier's bat form curled up on the pillows beside his head. He chuckled, stroking a finger along one of his wings gently, before cradling Jaskier in his hands and slipping him into his pocket. Carefully, trying not to jostle Jaskier, he gathered up his armour and his swords and made his way towards the stables. Roach greeted him with a headbutt to his shoulder and he scratched her behind the ears with a smile, before gently lowering Jaskier into his saddlebag. 

They rode off into the soft orange glow of the morning sunshine, one sleepy vampire comfortably tucked in amongst Geralt's spare shirts as they headed for the next town and whatever it might bring.