I’ve been rereading dandadan lately for some vamola research so I can write her properly in a mp100 x ddd fic and fuck this panel is SO undertalked about
It’s one of the first times that we’ve been able to properly know what vamola’s thinking without a communication barrier, and it’s so devastating. A very common emotional theme in dandadan is self hatred and guilt, of course vamola’s no exception to this.
But there’s also a little more to it than just the guilt. Vamola feels, forgive the pun, alienated. She is completely and utterly alone in this moment, watching as people who took care of her get hurt and hurt. She could not communicate to Momo in that moment how much guilt she felt, but how she wasn’t the enemy either. She spent her entire childhood being hunted down by people who wanted to destroy her race. She was the last child of her race, never been able to live a safe life or have friends. When she finally experiences these things, they’re taken away in the blink of an eye.
And all of a sudden, it seems like no one wants her anymore. Vamola knows that Momo is hurt, she’s trying her best to apologise but just doesn’t know how to. Momo doesn’t truly hate vamola, she’s just scared and angry. (I won’t fucking tolerate Momo hate in this arc, she’s trying her best. I’ve seen so many other vamola fans hate Momo for this but NO DUDE.)
This arc really speaks to me a lot as an autistic girl. It’s very neurodivergent coded, but it also could simply just be representing xenophobia and racism. But it’s just this idea that because you don’t belong, you are the problem. You can’t fit in like anyone else, and it’s isolating. You can’t understand people like others, so you don’t feel right.
This small little panel is kinda exactly what I’m talking about
Vamola’s watching them have fun and being happy. And she likes it, but she doesn’t quite understand it. She’s just sort of standing off to the side, there’s a longing to join in but feels too out of place to.
That’s just my interpretation anyway, one of the many beautiful things about art.
Also, while I was writing this, coming back to the og panel I posted
Now this could just be a coincidence but this VERYYYYYY much feels like an evangelion reference. It completely sounds like a monologue Shinji would have while mentally breaking down. Especially when calling out to mother. The fear, the desperation, the isolation, and the guilt. God I can’t even pin point it but all of this feels like a Shinji moment. “There’s nowhere I belong.” Especially while she’s sitting in basically a mech suit. Wearing a body suit that’s like very similar to the one Eva pilots wear.
anyway. It just pisses me off so much when people only look at vamola as an obstacle to mokarun or still hung up on that strong man storyline.
also I’m gonna make a post soon on about like. The genuine issues of dandadan, because I feel like I glaze it a lot (as I should) but there’s two BIG issues the series facing (and it’s not mokarun.)
