#valleyfair

Wild Thing really is that bitch tho and I went on it once as a child. Never again.

Valleyfair is one of the parks I’ve ever been to.

The Bad

The park is way too undersized. I left well after peak hours and every major ride still had a 30 minute wait or longer. High Roller peaked at sixty minutes. The wait for the smaller rides was also multiple cycles. It’s not even summer yet, can’t imagine going on a major holiday. I don’t think a ton of parks need a War on Lines - this one does, BADLY.

Valleyfair doesn’t have a lot of personality. There’s vague gestures at cohesion here and there, like a food stand being named after a nearby ride or a couple old west facades at the back of the park near Renegade, but nothing I would define as an “area” outside of Planet Snoopy, and even that has somehow suffered from sprawl and bled onto the midway. You don’t HAVE to have theming to be a good park, but the whole place blends together a little and they could do so much more.

I feel safe saying that this park does not have an elite coaster. It could really benefit from one with Nick Universe not too far away. There’s also a Shoot-the-Chute, a type of water ride I have a personal beef with for being sucky.

Most offensively, there’s no Chickies and Pete’s. WHERE ARE MY CRAB FRIES.

The Good

None of the coasters I rode were outright bad. Corkscrew runs well(!) and the inversions shine as a result. High Roller has a couple of good moments at the start. Mad Mouse is about as fun as you’d want a Wild Mouse to be. Renegade was the only disappointment, but only because I was really hoping for it to be a cornerstone, and it’s just a fun twister. A lot of 3/5s and high 2/5s.

Wild Thing is the best ride at Valleyfair (although maybe Excalibur and Steel Venom will surprise me some day). It’s not quite on the level of newer hyper coasters but the airtime is comparable and the turns, while lacking punch, are scenic and almost breezy in quality. The tunnel is really fun and reminds me of Magnum at Cedar Point.

This park has an absolute gamut of smaller rides. An air-launched swing, a drop tower, a swing tower, an octopus, a Fireball, a Disk’O, a Tilt-Whirl, Flying Scooters… almost everything is a fantastic choice and worth at least a walk-on.

The staff is fantastic. I started the day high-fiving a security guard and the vibe persisted. A ride op shouted out my Steel Vengeance shirt, boarding was optimized to maximize capacity, and maintenance worked their bums off to keep Renegade, Wild Thing, and High Roller running and eventually won out. Steel Venom stayed closed for the day, but such is life with launched coasters.

In Conclusion