#valjean

Jean Valjean was weary. 

It was not just a fatigue of the body. He had weathered countless exertions, perennial wounds of which his scars spelled out the story, but not a one of them compared to this quiet racking ache. He'd carried burdens all his life; bundles of branches in Faverolles which, once fallen, petrified to Toulon stone, to rocks and crates and beams and walls all borne upon his back. He'd held them up against the sky, at first with burning defiance, then with resignation, his former fire’s cooling coals. 

But this, this trial was different, this was a new ache that coursed within him, pulling like the moon towing the tide, and the sand under his feet rushed out beneath him; he wondered when he'd fall. 

- he’s not uncomfortable being physically strong since he had always been that way, but if he exerts a certain amount of force it freaks him out and will make him break down

- he has body dysmorphia that lessened over the years, after msm was a big change for him since he felt freed from people’s eyes and was finally able to change with the lights on and became more comfortable looking at his body but still absolutely refuses to look at the scars on his back. He is comfortable the most around cosette and sometimes toussaint meaning if he were in a room with anyone else he would make sure to be fully dressed instead of without a coat or cravat because he feels his body is too exposed. He loves being in his garden because he has assured himself that no one can see him in most areas and he feels he can finally go outside, he hasn’t had that security since the convent

- he very much wanted to die the first few years of Toulon but kept himself alive and kept escaping for the hope that his family would still be alive when he escaped (and as in canon when he realized they were probably all dead he totally broke mentally and didn’t try to escape anymore)

- I feel like this is a common one but technically not explicitly canon, he had no social life or interactions in toulon with other prisoners specifically because the very slight interaction he could have had was thwarted because some were scared of him bc of his strength paired with the fact he was effectively mute

- when triggered he will have dissociative episodes that can at worst last up to a few days. He was constantly worried while raising cosette that it could mess her up somehow

- cosette definitely did realize his disorder and would treat him with extra care sometimes when she knew he was having an anxiety attack etc. :) she doesn’t feel that it was a burden because she knew whatever was wrong he couldn’t control it. she was too afraid to ever talk to him about it tho

- he has trouble sleeping in a proper bed. based on the fact he couldn’t sleep at the bishops house, but I think it would be sadder if he could never be comfortable sleeping in any real bed. His preferred sleeping arrangement is a single thin mattress, a short wooden bed frame is acceptable, and in the winter he may use one blanket. He trained himself not to want to sleep on the floor, but he will sometimes do so when he feels like he “deserves it”. Adding on to this he practices very slight but still self harm behaviors like this, will make things harder for himself in everyday life and sometimes these cause him pain because he was programmed to be comforted by pain.

Ok that’s it bye!

yeah i love all of this actually 😭😭😭

my poor guy ☹️

at the seine after javert throws himself off. valjean goes to save him (knowing that he’s in love with javert). takes javert to his house, warms him up, tries to nurse him back to health.

however, javert tragically dies anyway. he survives a little longer than he would have if valjean hadn’t pulled him out. maybe a few days. maybe they even confess their love for one another. but it still isn’t enough.

anyway valjean dies like he does canonically only he’s even more heartbroken 🤠