Dear reader, my head is spinning this morning, and I am genuinely afraid. I believe I have exposed a cover-up between the residential cleaning industry and the US government, and we may not be safe in our own homes! Here’s the inside scoop:
In recent posts, I have discussed Dickinson’s use of “sweep,” “sweeps,” “swept,” and “sweeping,” and I concluded yesterday’s post with, “Hmm...what about "vacuum"? I'll cover that tomorrow -- and you may just be surprised!”
Well, at first, when I posed that question, I was being silly – my brain was thinking solely of “vacuum, to clean a room, carpet, etc., or to remove (dust, etc.) with a vacuum cleaner.” Then I checked the Dickinson Lexicon, and there it was, “vacuum” – she had, indeed, used the word in her poetry: “vacuum, emptiness of space; space unoccupied by matter.” I then ran a search to discover that Dickinson used the word in one poem, “Severer Service of myself.”
I also checked the OED for info on “vacuum” (to clean) vs. “vacuum” (emptiness of space) and discovered that the latter term has been around since the 16th century, and the former term since the 20th. Well duh, right?
The earliest usage example the OED offered up for the older term dated back to 1550 (click the image to enlarge):
The first usage example for the other was from 1922 (click the image to enlarge):
Here comes the turn to the terrifying truth I uncovered: As I was perusing the additional usage examples of “vacuum,” I spotted this:
OH EM GEE! I had no idea I was taking my life into my own hands when vacuuming around the house! Why don’t manufacturers provide vacuum cleaners with highly prominent notifications of alert:
WARNING: VACUUMING MAY CAUSE SEVERE BURNS TO ONE’S LIMBS (INCLUDING APPENDAGES AND CORRESPONDING PHALANGES) AND/OR ELECTRIC SHOCK AND DEATH BY ELECTROCUTION.
By the way, I ran a search for that info reported in the Baltimore Sun back in 1950, and from the little blurb I got, I think I did find the article; however I could not access the full story without a paid subscription:
I then searched for data concerning the number of vacuum cleaner related deaths per year, and this is when I came to realize the industry-related cover-up, certainly supported by regulatory arms of bureaucracy. Details are being hidden, and the truth is being suppressed. However, I did find dribs and drabs of information, including these headlines and links:
It gets worse, dear reader. I saw the headline below, and I was too horrified to click on the link to discover on which of the gentleman’s appendages the vacuum cleaner was “stuck."
The horrors do not end there, dear reader. I then spotted this:
At this point I'm terrified to remain in my home, and I have know I have developed a server case of zuigerphobia, an intense, irrational, and persistent dread of vacuum cleaners and the action of hoovering, derived from the Dutch word "zuiger," meaning "sucker." I believe the powers-that-be in the residential cleaning industry KNOW of the dangers associated with vacuuming, and I believe they have worked for years to stifle the truth. Take a look at the vintage ad below:
I trust that George H. Scott and Carl S. Fetzer KNEW of vacuum-related dangers as early the 1920s when they introduced the Vacuette, a "NO ELECTRICITY" sweeper -- but their efforts, I am sure, were crushed by the powerful residential and commercial cleaning syndicates.
One day soon I will investigate the deaths of Scott and Fetzer, and I suspect the accounts will be filled with mystery and intrigue.
Once word got out about the dangers associated with household cleaning, ad men for the powerful manufacturers of suctioning sweepers developed risk reduction ad campaigns to generate positive emotional responses to vacuuming. Check out the vintage ads below -- these advertisements promoted the efficiency and convenience of the vacuum cleaner, attempting to capture the aesthetic essence of household innovation in the mid-20th century. Many companies even used the likeness of Emily Dickinson to advance a more feminine and bardic approach to housekeeping -- household management as "poetry" (although Premiere Vacuum Cleaners from Cleveland, OH, quoted Byron rather than Dickinson in their 1947 ad for their Premier Duplex vacuum cleaner).
Dear reader, at this time, my nerves are frayed beyond belief. I live in a state of fear within my own humble abode.
To remedy the situation, I revisited Dickinson’s poem above and now realize that in order to take my mind off the dangers dwelling within my dwelling, I must hasten to demand server service of myself to avoid the awful vacuum. I will strive to weary my Brain and Bone – to harass, to fatigue the glittering retinue of my nerves and clog my mind to dull comfort. I have no drug for consciousness; however, I will , instead, consume my fears with a pint of Cappuccino Crunch ice cream. If more than a pint is required, then so be it.
