#uwcim

I’ve been at UWCiM for 2 weeks. It is completely different to anything I could have imagined. It is both better and worse than I thought it would be before I arrived. The community is already so close- everyone is so friendly and nice. It is quite different for me, as in the UK people are not quite so big on physical contact, which is not the way it is here, which is taking a little while to adapt to.

Integration with the local community happens a lot less than I thought it would, which is quite sad, as it means it feels a lot like UWCiM doesn’t actually benefit the local community. I feel slightly cheated, as I came to UWC to learn how to change the world, but how am I going to learn how to do that if we don’t even talk to the local community? A lot of people don’t make the effort to learn the local language, which means the locals aren’t especially fond of us. I seriously hope this changes over the next 2 years.

I have also noticed very clearly the differences between the British education system and other education systems, especially in terms of maths and foreign languages. I have taken HL Maths, but I feel like a total fish out of water. We have been taught enough to do A Level maths, but IB maths is such a step up. And don’t even get me started on Languages. Almost everyone here is learning 6 subjects in their second, third or even fourth language, and yet I’ve studied German for 5 years and can barely hold a conversation with a native German speaker.

However, despite all of this, I am so glad I am here. It has already taught me so much about the world, and I seen things from so many new perspectives that I never could have even imagined. I have realised how much I took the things my parents did for granted, like doing the laundry and cooking homemade meals. I have already become more independent, I have started to learn how to manage my time effectively and become organised. If this is how much I learn in 2 weeks, who knows how much I will learn in 2 years?

At the moment, I am quite homesick, so I’m not quite so excited as I thought I would be. However, things are getting noticeably better. Maybe, hopefully, this will become home to me, and I will not look back about coming here. Then again, maybe not. Who knows?

5 weeks today (26th August) I will be arriving at UWCiM, hopefully bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (but probably not). 

Last weekend I had my induction weekend, which was one of the most jam-packed yet enjoyable weekends of my life. Everyone I met was so nice, and I made friends with people faster than I think I ever have before. I met my co-year and second years, and I feel more ready than ever to get there.

A couple of weeks ago I also held a fundraising concert in my village (for my fees/ extra costs etc.), which was a HUGE success. Over 90 people came, and many people who couldn’t come offered support and gave donations. It made me feel like the whole thing is more of a reality than a thing in the distant future.

My dad finally got around to buying the plane tickets (thankfully), but is yet to finish sorting out my insurance. A word of advice- start this early, especially if you have been involved with the NHS in the last few months- it takes ages to figure out how to get the insurance if you’ve had lots of medical appointments, like I had.

The next few weeks leading up to the 26th will be filled with packing, organizing, meeting up with friends to say goodbye, and probably many, MANY messages to my second years (sorry in advance for that).

Until then, 

The first month (and a half) of second year has gone by insanely quickly. It feels like first years only just arrived, and yet summer break seems a lifetime ago.

Being a second year isn’t actually as scary as I thought it would be. I was worried about setting a good example and being there for firsties, but very quickly that worry went away, and I was able to just act naturally. There are some moments where I stop myself and realise that the topic I am talking about or the jokes I am making either aren’t relevant to first years, or aren’t helpful and may make them unnecessarily worried, but all in all it’s been fine. The first years are very lovely, full of energy and motivation, and I am very excited to spend the rest of the year with them.

Being a second year IB Student is a whole different matter. Third term, with all it’s deadlines, responsibilities and decisions is just as intense and overwhelming as my second years warned me about. I finally understand where they were coming from when they complained about workload. 

I have, however, managed to hand in my first draft of my EE, which I am very proud of.

One of the strange things I have noticed is how odd it feels to be doing some of the things that I did in my first month again - the trip to Kravice, UWC Day - just with a different group of people. It’s slightly bittersweet, it’s great to do them again and now I know they’re coming I could look forward to them a lot more, but at the same time I know it’s the last time I will do these things at Mostar and that is slightly heartbreaking.

My time here has been made more difficult due to a close family member being extremely ill back home, and sadly passing away a week ago. Due to my removal from the situation, it has been very hard to deal with, and I have felt very detached from it all. I will hopefully be going home for the funeral, which will allow me to be surrounded by the support of family, and to give support to the family, and will hopefully make it easier to deal with. It still doesn’t quite feel real, and I know it’s going to hit hard when I go home.

When I came to UWC I came knowing that situations like this would occur, and I thought that I would cope with it, but the reality is much much harder than I imagined. I am incredibly grateful for the people around me who have helped and supported me through it all. 

Right off the bat, I want to apologise for forgetting my tumblr password, and so never posting. It will probably happen again.

Also for the long post. There was a lot to say.

And now to the reflections.

First year is over. I am half way through UWC. The idea is only just sinking in. I am both heartbroken and relieved. 

Let’s start with the heartbreak part.

I have noticed myself growing so much over the year, and I genuinely felt like a slightly different person when I came home for the summer. I am more independent, more confident, more mature. My relationship with my parents has shifted, we are now more on an equal par and I feel more comfortable sharing things with them and being honest (I have previously had issues with this, so this is a great change). I have also gained some semblance of a shred of self-respect and self-esteem. I found an incredibly supportive and inclusive community at UWC, and have been able to truly live my life as me (full time) for the first time ever. I am beginning to feel happy to be me, content with my existence. I know I have a long way to go, and there are goals I want to achieve (transitioning, getting fit etc). 

And the people. Oh, the people are wonderful. They’re all so kind, different, funny, inspiring, interesting. They’re also all teenagers and have arguments and drama and faults, but doesn’t that just make it even better? It reminds you that all these incredible people around you are HUMAN.

And there’s the heartbreak. I don’t want it to be over. I’m looking at universities now, and am realising that I won’t ever find a community quite as diverse and accepting as UWC is. Being back in the UK I suddenly feel unsafe being openly trans, I feel dysphoria at 10x the intensity, I feel the pressures of society again. And I’m finding myself wishing I could stay in the ‘UWC bubble’ forever. I am meeting people and doing things and challenging myself, and my thoughts, in ways I never could have dreamed of before.

And yet, there is relief.

Because as much as I love being in Mostar, it’s hard. My mental health has deteriorated significantly, as have my grades (although I’ve realised both of these have been affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder quite significantly), and there have been many times where I have considered giving up, packing it in and going home. IB is hard. I’ve also felt a lot of jealousy for people at other UWCs. UWC Mostar is not the richest of schools, and we lack many of the resources that you would expect at a normal (private) school, especially in terms of the arts. Other UWCs seem to have all those things, and you often look over the negative parts of other schools when you’re in that mindset. Kind of a grass is always greener thing, y’know?

But this has taught me a lot about living with a little. I have seen how you can still create a very good school with very little money. I have learned what things are important to me (music) and have found ways to bring more of those things (music) into my life. I have learned a lot about doing things yourself, using your own initiative, because the support systems aren’t necessarily there. 

But it is tiring.

I think the pros outweighed the cons though. I would still definitely recommend it to someone considering applying, because who knows how many of the cons I would have experienced anyway?

Either way, it’s happened, and it’s all going to happen again next year, except this time everything will be COMPLETELY different.

We’re getting a new headteacher, a load of new staff, and half the student body is changing. The school I go back to in August will probably be very different to the one I left in June.

Let’s hope it’s for the best.