#utterdespair

I want you to talk to me, even if it's the form of "hate" or such Or if I become your next victim. Whatever the case may be.

I feel I can relate to how you acted, and I want to know if I'm truly not alone. I hate you, in a way, but even since you left tumblr I still feel curious.

And going through this tag, I feel no-one else actually understood the reason you did all of that.

I made another post, before your blog deletion, that stated the following:

"Confession type-thing here Apparently people are sending hate to this utterdespair blog, and personally, from what I’ve seen posted, I think you guys are getting the wrong idea of this person. From personal experience, I feel like I can understand this person. This hateful, person. I see a bit of my past self in them. And though I’m saying their actions can be explained, I don’t think they can be excused. They are doing this for the same reason I sent threats to one of my good friends, the same reason why I repeatedly had dreams of murdering my best friend, of my boyfriend dying on me. The same reason I told my good friend, now boyfriend, that I was never coming back, that I was committing suicide, and it was his fault. Coming back to taunt him about it, blocking him, and torturing him over time. I had slow thoughts that the word was meaningless, became detached of my emotions, and couldn’t stop smiling through my own pain as I became addicted to it. The same reason I became addicted to this feeling and couldn’t stop. The same reason I was confused and lost in a void of, well, utter despair. Why am I making this post? To tell you all to stop sending hate to utterdespair. Help them. They need it. They are not a trollblog, they are not heartless, as I’m seeing in their tag. They need serious help. From my understanding, at least."

♧ - Best friend?

This asshole: onatidalwave

EDIT: Doug is a tard and forgot that if you make one comment and then another - the first comment is removed. Also, no one is going to look at the notes to an ask fool.

Follow this asshat.

[11:54:59 AM] Doug: i love when you posted

[11:55:05 AM] Doug: I think I pay more attention then kubo tite

[11:55:08 AM] Doug: I WAS LIKE

[11:55:09 AM] Doug: DUH

[11:55:11 AM] Courtney: 63 was released in Japan on Dec 28th, 2012, and 63 will be released in the US on November 5th 2013

[11:55:12 AM] Doug: WE FUCKING DO

[11:55:17 AM] Doug: IF WE WERE ON HIS TEAM

[11:55:19 AM] Doug: WE'D BE LIKE

[11:55:24 AM] Doug: "YOU FORGOT LIKE SIX FUCKING THINGS"

[11:55:36 AM] Courtney: "KUBO-SENSEI. YOU FORGOT ABOUT THIS."

[11:55:37 AM] Doug: "REWRITE THE CHAPTER"

[11:55:41 AM] Doug: "BRING GIN BACK"

[11:55:51 AM] Courtney: "REMEMBER YOU POSTED THIS IN JULY OF 2012, WHEN ICHIGO WAS DOING THAT ONE THING."

[11:55:57 AM] Courtney: "THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. FIX IT."

[11:56:08 AM] Courtney: "OR WE'LL HAVE TUMBLR BROADCAST YOUR MISTAKES"

[11:56:15 AM] Doug: I THINK THE NEXT CAPTAIN SHOULD BE A BLONDE YOUNG GAY MALE

[11:56:22 AM] Doug: BUT NOT OVERLY FLAMBOYANT

[11:56:32 AM] Doug: AND HAS A FALLING ROMANCE WITH HISAGI

[11:56:35 AM] Doug: -COUGH-

[11:57:03 AM] Courtney: "YOUR LOGIC IS FLAWED. WHY DID GIN DIE. ICHIGO GETS A HOLE IN HIS FUCKING CHEST. LIVES. PIGTAIL BITCH VIZARD CUT IN HALF, SPINE HAS BEEN SEVERED AND SHE LIVES. A FUCKING AIZEN PAPERCUT AND AN ARM REMOVED AND THAT MEANS DEATH. HOW."

[11:57:26 AM] Doug: TRUE

[11:57:36 AM] Doug: what else did we call bullshit on

[11:57:38 AM] Courtney: "ARMS AREN'T IMPORTANT. PLENTY OF PEOPLE LOSE ARMS. GRIMMJOW LOST AN ARM."

[11:57:47 AM] Doug: YAMAMOTO

[11:57:51 AM] Doug: LOST AN ARM

[11:58:04 AM] Doug: RANGIKU LOST 2/3 OF HER TORSO

[11:58:14 AM] Courtney: "DEIDARA IN NARUTO, YOU KNOW YOUR MAIN FUCKING ENEMY FOR BEST MANGA/ANIME. HE LOST BOTH HIS ARMS AND THEY PUT THAT SHIT RIGHT BACK ON."

[11:58:32 AM] Courtney: ARMS MEAN NOTHING IN ANIME.

[11:58:35 AM] Courtney: BRING GIN BACK

[11:58:40 AM] Courtney: OR YOU'LL LOSE AN ARM.

[11:58:43 AM] Doug: PEOPLE BE PULLING EACHOTHERS EYES OUT IN NARUTO

[11:58:44 AM] Doug: AND SURVIVE

[11:58:51 AM] Doug: Tsunade was cut in half too

[11:58:58 AM] Courtney: DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW UNSANITARY THAT IS.

[11:59:05 AM] Courtney: NONE OF THEM HAVE MEDICAL DEGREES

[11:59:13 AM] Courtney: THERE IS NO LASERS.

[11:59:19 AM] Courtney: I DON'T EVEN SEE THEM USING GLOVES

[11:59:21 AM] Doug: THEY DONT WEAR GLOVES

[11:59:22 AM] Doug: LOLOL

[11:59:23 AM] Courtney: WASHING THEIR HANDS.

[11:59:24 AM] Doug: OMG

[11:59:25 AM] Doug: LOL

[11:59:26 AM] Courtney: LOLOLOL

[11:59:26 AM] Doug: LOL

[11:59:27 AM] Doug: LOLOLOL

[11:59:29 AM] Doug: LOLOL

[11:59:33 AM] Doug: WE BOTH ARE SO PERFECT

[11:59:36 AM] Doug: THOUGHT THE SAME THING

[11:59:40 AM] Courtney: TUMBLR

[11:59:48 AM] Doug: LOLOL

[11:59:52 AM] Doug: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS US

Oh my god it’s a dream come true. We can paint eachothers nails, I got a new color for you! It’s called ” crimson death heartless night”!!!! Then maybe we can go over to the local preschool and take over the sandbox… They think they own the place those tiny bastards

“You will be paired up at random – so don’t even start trying to pair yourself up with your best friend or boyfriend.” Even as the teacher spoke Rangiku was eyeing the room. She was hoping, that even randomly, fate would work in her favor and Gin and she would be paired for this horrible project. The silver haired male turned slightly in his seat, giving her a warm smile as she waved. Still – if fate was kind basically any of the males in the class would be fine all except – one.

“Matsumoto and – ” Please say Gin. Please say Gin. “ –Cifer.”

A chuckle ripped through the room as the blonde bombshell turned in her chair, glancing across the room to the far back corner. Bright blue eyes narrowed on the dark haired, green eyed, pale skinned male. He didn’t even bother to turn to look in her direction. A sneer fell on her features as her friend lightly patted her hand, “It’s okay Ran, it’s just for a week.” Orihime whispered.

Sure, one week, one week of having to spend nearly every moment with the most distant, quite, weird kid in the whole school – not to mention that this week they would have to act as a couple and raise a – child. 

“Matsumoto, here.” The teacher held out a child carrier, the plastic doll was wrapped lightly in a blue blanket, masking all of its personal features. Snatching the bundle, the blonde took her seat again and waited till the rest of the class had been divided up into pairs. After the last selection the room shuffled to meet up with their new partners. Rangiku stood and glanced around through the shuffle, the boy hadn’t even stood up but he had turned his cold gaze on her as she crossed the room, waving in and out of desks before she dropped the basket – not too gently – on the table before him.

“So it looks like we’re stuck with this thing for a week.” She nearly hissed but was quickly interrupted as the baby in the basket began crying. Blue hues widened but his green optics remained passive. Gritting her teeth she quickly plunged her hands into the blue bundle to remove the child. As the blanket fell away, a pale skinned, blue eyed, dark brown hair baby boy doll stared back at her. It was creepy that the thing was crying without any emotion being reflected on the face but it was even more creepy when the silent mute beside her took the infant doll into his arms, rocking it gently for a moment to sooth it and silence the crying.

As the rest of the class indulged in their own partners and babies, Rangiku watched quietly as the male inspected the doll carefully. Turning the child over and undoing the baby’s onesie to reveal a battery panel he quickly pried it open. Pulling out the batteries and the recording device before returning it to how it once was he handed the doll back to the blonde beside him.

"There, woman. It won’t cry or make a noise. Bring it to me on Friday and I’ll fix it before we have to turn it in.”

The bell rang and in the shuffle of people and feet he was gone before she was able to get a word in edgewise.