got home and my computer won’t turn on. trying not to lose my mind about it
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got home and my computer won’t turn on. trying not to lose my mind about it
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i can't think about firey (the one from source) without getting upset
do you know this when you’re talking to someone and you’re in the middle of a sentence and suddenly you don’t know what to say and it’s literally like there are no words in your brain like you forgot how to talk?
“yeah and then we went to this place and there was… the.. umm.. - (oh FUCK what did i want to say?? *only thing i think is fuck or nothing at all and now i’m slightly panicking*)… yeahhh.. nevermind..”
happens to me way too often
Me : i need to do something usefule !
My brain : .................... am... i... a... ROBOT OR A DOLL !! AM I ANYTHING AT ALL !!!!!
Me : FUCK YOU !!!!
My brain : MAYBE A SOUL LIKE ME DOESN'T EVEN NEED TO KNOW !!!!!!!!
Me : urgh... *sobing noise*
Can't believe I'll never have a name as cool as River Phoenix
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oughh headache…
"cmon aster lets go do tasks x, y and z!"
tasks x, y and z collecting dust in the corner with the rest of the alphabet
i feel like my discipline/executive dysfunction around writing has gotten worse and it upsets and concerns me partially because writing is a form of communication for me & it hurts to not be able to reach out to people in that way as much and partially because it's going to have serious academic repercussions if i'm not able to get a handle on it
like i used to be able to update ongoing fics weekly now it's a struggle to do them monthly... and part of it is being busier than i was when i updated weekly but even when i'm on holidays it's such a struggle for me. and it's not like i don't love it anymore or i don't want to, i do, there's just this barrier between me and the task and it feels higher than it used to be.
and i don't really know what changed so i don't know what to fix... like there's gotta be something but idk if it's a problem of needing to upend my whole life or if i just let the muscle atrophy during a period of not writing much and i haven't done enough to work it out again