#unwin

He waited for an answer, until it became too uncomfortable and he stood, hand reaching out to touch yours and guide your fingers away before your anxieties tore a hole through the faded fabric of the hoodie. You flinched, pulling away and stepping further backwards. Even the possibility of his touch, and the thoughts that this could be the last time, brought that lump into your throat you just couldn’t swallow down. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, which you wiped away with your sleeve furiously. Everything started bubbling up: every emotion, every thought, every unspoken word rising up like bile in your throat until it was near impossible to keep it down. You had to get out of that room, Eggsy’s bedroom which held so many memories and ‘almosts’ and ‘what ifs’ that may never be answered, all because Eggsy was off again to lay down his life.

You turned on your heel, trying to dart past Eggsy and out of his bedroom door, mumbling “Good luck.”. Your efforts were useless, Eggsy managing to grab you by the wrist.

“Oi, where do you think you’re going? Hardly the goodbye I should be getting from my best frie-”

“Best friend? Best friend? You’re still clinging onto that?” You spat out, instantly regretting it, but finding that now you’d opened the subject, there was absolutely no way of going back.

“What’re you saying, y/n?” He replied, you finally meeting his eyes with your own in enough time to see his brows to knit together. He knew exactly what you meant. You knew him too well, and you knew his expression of faux confusion. You had seen the real thing in far too many biology classes. This definitely wasn’t it.

You scoffed, pulling your wrist back from him.

“You know exactly what I mean. You’re leaving, Eggsy. Again. You’re leaving me and you might never fucking come back and you’re really okay with leaving as my ‘best friend’?”

“I don’t know what you-”

“We’re not just friends and you fucking know it, Egs...”

He looked like he was going to argue back, but had nothing to say. He knew you were right. You had been best friends since you were teenagers, but lately, things had been changing. Maybe it was because he was in constant danger, and both of you had realised how little you could stand to lose the other, that you had started to get brave. The occasional kiss you’d blame on the alcohol and never mention again, the times you’d be hanging out and Eggsy’s hand would somehow end up on your thigh, the times you’d go to the pub without even asking your other mates, all of it had lead to a vast dynamic change between the two of you. It felt like it was leading up to something special, and yet he was too bloody stubborn to admit it. 

Or so you thought.

“Y/n... Please... Please don’t cry. I can’t stand to see you cry.”

This time, you didn’t pull away when he reached out, letting him get closer. He stopped before he actually touched you, though, which you found oddly frustrating. You didn’t know when you had properly started crying, but it had happened. And looking into Eggsy’s eyes, you could see that they were glazed too, which was a foreign, weird and rare sight for you.

You expected him to respond to what you had actually said, recognise the existence of an actual thing between you two for the first time, but he just stayed still, hand hovering just above your arm, frozen in the air. 

You were the one to move first, lifting your arm until it made contact with his hand. You stepped forwards, so slowly it felt as if time had stopped, getting closer and closer to the kingsman, closing the space between you two. Your heart was pounding, much harder than you thought was healthy. You could barely breathe, waiting for Eggsy to show some sign of... well, anything.

His arms eventually wrapped around you, hand reaching for your hair as he shushed you, calming the sobs you couldn’t stop yourself. His body twitched next to yours and you knew he was crying too.

“Egs...” You whispered, moving your head until your lips were a breath away from his. You were so close, this was the moment that everything had been leading up to...

“We can’t, y/n.”

It felt as if your heart had dropped three floors down. The crying stopped and your breath got stuck in your throat. You pulled back, not knowing what the hell to do or say.

“..Right. Yeah. Of course. Good luck, Eggsy. Be careful out there.” You said, stepping back and actually making it to the door this time, throwing it open so it hit the wall with a rather loud thud that caused you to flinch before you stormed out of his bedroom and towards his front door.

You heard a sigh.

“Y/n, wait!” He called after you, following you out and beating you to the front door, standing in front of it.

“Get out of my way, Eggsy. Let me go.”

“No. I... I can’t leave without... Urgh- fuck!” He shouted, screwing up his face in frustration as he turned and punched the wall.

“Eggsy, what the fuck?!”“I love you, alright?! I fucking love you so much, more than anything. I hate how much I love you, because I can’t love you. If we were together, I’d be putting you in danger. I’ve... I’ve fucking lost everyone, y/n. I can’t lose you too.”

You were speechless. Completely and utterly speechless, frozen in the hallway of the man you loved, of the man who loved you back, unable to do anything about it because it would risk your life.

And suddenly, that seemed worth it.

You closed the space between the pair of you, hands meeting Eggsy’s cheeks to cup his face as you pressed your lips against his passionately, feeling everything in the universe around you fit into place, and then melt away.

Eggsy matched the passion and the fire, gripping onto any part of you he could. Starting with your hair, making his way to your shoulders, chest and hips, reaching around your back to pull you, if possible, even closer. 

“Y/n, I-I...”“I know, Egs... I know. But... Let’s forget about that, just for now, okay? Just enjoy what we can before you have to leave. Please...”