#unverse

Are you suffocating too?  How often do you find yourself shifting in your seat, hoping that you’ll slip between the thin veil that separates realms and find yourself in a land where you’re truly living?  You’re just existing right now, aren’t you?  Glancing at the clock every so often, marveling at the fact that something can move so slow.

I used to hate wearing seat belts.  When I was a small child, at least.  It felt like it either wasn’t tight enough or was too tight.  Even loose, it wasn’t loose enough.  I wanted the belts that buckled above my pelvis to be completely off, leaving me free, or to be tight enough that my legs would pop off from the pressure.  I used to place my hands beside me and push up with all my might, hoping I’d either break the buckle or it’d break me.

I used to try to focus my eyes on the nonexistent space in front of me.  Even if there’s a perfectly clean sheet of glass, you can still focus your eyes on it, the buildings behind it blurring.  I used to think that there was an invisible covering over multiverses and if you could focus on it– like you would a plane of glass– you’d be able to catch a glimpse into their world.  I’d try to find something distinguishable in the space in front of me; I’d try not to go cross-eyed and also try not to stare at an object immediately in front of me that I could already see.

I still try, sometimes, to escape to a reality that isn’t mine.  Every once in a while, I’ll look up and try to tear the very fabric of the universe apart with my eyes.

My skin does not always feel like mine.  It’s uncomfortable.  It fits just right, but that’s not enough for me.  I want it to be off.  I want it to hug me so tight it’s not just right, it’s a part of me.  I don’t want clothes, a covering.  I don’t want to simply be or to just exist– I want to do so feeling…

It’s incomprehensible to us, that there are colors we cannot see.  Maybe we can understand it, most of us just know it.  But we can’t even begin to imagine what any of these colors look like; it’s beyond our realm of understanding.  As with that, I cannot even begin to comprehend the feeling that I want to engulf my senses.  It’s nonexistent.  Not pure bliss, not heaven on earth.  Just pure and unadulterated…