#unfinishedthoughts

I deserve to feel this way

I am a shitty person

I can't tell myself I'm a good person when I do shitty things I can't keep justifying myself because even my conscious is tired of hearing the broken record I've managed to play for years

I'm masking everything I do when I tell myself I had a reason to

Because I was hurt

Because I was young

Because I was scared

Because I was alone

Being hurt doesn't give you the pass to hurt other people

Being cheated on doesn't give you the pass to cheat on anybody

Or lie

Or steal

I'm an awful toxic horrible person to have in your life

I manipulate almost every situation in my life

I am where I am because of who I am

How do I convert myself

how do I reroute every trail in my brain

So I can think differently

The problem doesn't just lie with my actions

I can manage how I act but I cannot manage how I think

I'm missing the main element

The chemical balance between right and wrong

I have left and left and not right and left

I crave someone to understand me

Not in the sense of a relationship

In the sense of simple understandment

I want someone to tell me they feel the same way I feel

Not because misery loves company

But because it feels like this battle is something I'm fighting alone

It's turned everything into a battle that indefinitely feels like it's everything against me

Me vs life

This is the first time in my life I feel like what I feel is dangerously out of my hands

Idk what I'm convincing myself to do at this point