#uneditted

In the past I used to close my eyes and think of useless things. Things that held no real purpose or weight in my life. Sometimes I would imagine various scenarios that I wanted to experience in the future, like when I would wear that wedding dress that I’ve been anticipating to find. Waiting for that day to come. But in reality, there was no feeling attached to those thoughts. They were simply pictures and clips flashing in my head.

When I lost my grandma I started thinking about different things. with feelings attached to my thoughts. I close my eyes and remember hard of the memories of hugging my grandma. I would enter my uncles house and walk towards her room. She would always be sitting on the floor with her back against her neatly made bed. I can almost live the moments and feel my feet walking on her red carpet. She would be wearing a white or black hijab, draped loosely across her shoulder. I kneel on the floor and wrap my arms around her engulfing her in a welcoming hug. I liked to hug my grandma around her waist because I would feel her love and warmth radiating throughout me. She would always say, هلا بيج بيبي'.

When I close my eyes I like to think of my memories with my grandma. I hope that when I close my eyes I can live those memories always. Inshallah I can feel her hug every time I close my eyes.

The Dixons

               I waited for him by the bridge. The river was calm in an unsettling way. Birds did not sing, the wind did not blow, everything was still, and I waited. His figure captured in my head made the illusion that he was already right beside me. An illusion of comfort was enough.

                 Everything about him was captured in a moment. His bored gaze as he stared into the river, the slight tilt of his head as if questioning why the river flowed. He lounged against the railing speaking words I had long forgotten. The sun caught his eyes as it had always done. His smile—Gods his smile—like a blessing from every God on high. I had stared at him the same I had always stared, but he paid no mind. Just an illusion.

                 My mind caught up to me. The sound of the rushing river was accompanied by a torrent of rain, and the crack of thunder. Raindrops soaked me head to toe. They slid off my shoulders, my hair, my face. Just raindrops. A freezing gust ran by, but I paid no mind. An illusion of comfort would be enough.

Alice loved Halloween, in fact, she hadn’t missed a party in her life. One of the few perks to the curse was that she often got invited to partys when she was out and about, she was attractive and all. She was on her way out to one when she’d realized a flaw in all of her research. She busted into Severus’ classroom looking like the sluttiest nun in existence and slammed her fists on his table. “IM AN ABSOLUTE IDIOT!” She declared.

"I don't care that we need to continue this bloodline! Does my life not matter to you? Are we still living in the 18th century for god's sake?" you're shrieking and you don't even care. Your father has his back turned to you and that's reffering to more than just in the physical sense.

Did he really not care what your wishes were regarding your own life?

"You do realise that our very race is at the brink of extinction? Do you want there to be nothing left of us? All this empire that your grandfather and his grandfathers before him built?" He counteracts with questions of his own as he surveys the front of the chateau where your family resided

"Marrying Taehyung - the royal gaurd no less - is a small price to pay to keep this legacy alive. This is more than just you or me, y/n. please understand." but the only thing you understood at the moment was that if you didn't get out of your father's library; you were going to let the tears of frustration escape.

"I will never forgive you for this!" The venom in your words isn't something that you even try to hide. Because you knew that at the end of the day you'd have to agree with him. For the greater good.

And just like that, you're storming out of the large room, lips set in a thin line as your nostrils flaired - trying to stop the trickles of small droplets from your eyes. But no matter they still fell. Your figure hugging but modest dress not allowing you to take the biggest of steps to get away from your father's study as fast as possible.

And sooner than later; you're encountering the man in question, for the second time. And this time it's when you turn a corner to the corridor leading towards the meadow in the back garden that you feel the hard chest collide with your face in a harsh manner due to your rampant scuttling through the hallways like you were on a mission. And you were. To cry and scream in peace that is.

"My lady- Are you alright? My apologies." A slender, vascular hand has gone to steady you on your feet while Taehyung's deep mellifluous voice rings through your ears. It takes a few seconds for you to blink the tears away and you can feel his gaze on you. Taking note of every change in your expression. He was an excellent observer - like he should be as the royal commander in chief now - and you knew he could probably tell from your slight sniffling that you weren't in the best state.

How on earth were you to explain to him, your friend more or less, that he was to wed you just so your family could continue their bloodline? How could you force him to give up his own life and wishes and desires? Surely he would protest? but in front of the king; you could only protest so much before being declared a traitor.

"I-I'm okay, Taehyung." Slowly you chance a look at his face - eyes still deeply scrutinizing your face. God. He was handsome and felt selfish and disgusting for feeling a trickle of relief that it was him out of all people you'd have to be with. You be very blunt; you had always harboured a soft spot for the tall man with the most lovely smile that you'd only seen once on him.

"You were crying." he states as a matter of fact, "did someone upset you? Anyone I need to have a word with?"

You want to scoff and tell him to not act like your husband when he wasn't yet. But you stop yourself from the words that almost spill out of you because you weren't sure if he knew and quite frankly, didn't want to be the one to tell him.

"No... no one has upset me more than my own." And instead of all the other things you could say, that's the garbage that you're mumbling out. Ugh you sounded melodramatic even to your own ears but at the same time it was an appropriate reaction. Not everyday in the 21st century that a girl is arranged married to a very specific man to continue her species.

So before you can spill out anymore dialogues, you opt for givinf him a small smile before slipping past and continuing your journey out to the medow. But of course; Taehyung doesn't let you go without rednering you speechless. When has he ever?

"I'm sorry you have to do this. I know you would rather be in a holy matrimony with someone of your own.... calibre. I am sorry to dissappoint you." His words were spoken at a level; never wavering or being dispensed in to the it too loud. And with a polite bow, he's waiting for you to leave first as a mandatory courtesy and it makes you want to slap yourself in the face for acting like you were deeply saddened by this outcome. It was clear he thought you were apalled by him.