#metoo I was 9 or 10. Then 14. Then a month before my first half marathon for fitting a description during a training run. They say that victims who were sexually assault once have a higher chance of it happening again. I didn't know there was a name for this when it almost happened at 9. He was my "friend in the library," a man who talked to me about poetry and social issues. He introduced me to Pablo Neruda. This man wasn't a love poem that I asked for nor desire. At 14, it was the guy that I thought was my friend and attended summer school. Ironically, his name was Angel. The third time, I finally broke. Sandra Bland was posted over the news. I wouldn't dare fight this but I wasn't silent no more. Because of them, I grieved every month I got my period for two decades until two months ago. I don't touch black garbage bags for too long. Love poems made me feel guilty for years. I kept this to myself until the last incident. I think I gave them too much power pretending it didn't happen. When I went to a support group in college, I was mocked for being a "half-way victim" because I wasn't penetrated. "Lucky" is what they called me; I call it broken. The act didn't have to "fully happen" for it not to be traumatizing. Being touched and begging for someone to stop doesn't make me a "half-way victim" and what i realize in hindsight is that hurt people hurt people too. Perhaps this is why I don't like being called "strong" too often. Most times, we are breaking too. So when it ALMOST happened a third time, I learned the difference between the strength in silence and strength by using your voice. This is why I blog bluntly, why I live and love life vicariously and why I refuse to be engulfed into my hurt. I grieve often but I rejoice more. I'm more than a survivor. I'm more than a statistic. I am a walking love poem. These men never took that away from me. They will not take it from you neither. If you dare, share your story. Photo by @esnelldesign of @posingschoolnyc #runningfatchef #fatrunner #Spartanfinisher #ultramarathoner #marathoner #itgetsbetter #loveyourself #notbroken #strength #strongwomen #skirtsports #REALwomenmove
