#ughhhhhhh

I'm thinking about Eva Stratt, her last name literally the beginning of the word Strategy- who is ruthlessly and strategically saving the world because they do not have the time for the tricky and complicated nature of human nature to deliberate and second guess.

A scientist with a special gene who, in her eyes, ends up being her literal saving grace. A scientist, a last resort, who in her eyes, she was giving the opportunity to do great things, because his saving grace would be his intellect and his investment in the pursuit of knowledge.

Ryland Grace, referred to mostly as Grace for what are obvious reasons, being the personification of his name. A teacher. A scientist. Professions where the idea of giving someone grace - as in allowing for mistakes, forgiveness, patience, showing mercy and compassion etc is not only important but necessary. Of extending that same grace to oneself as he would to others. A man who has fucked up. Pushed everyone away. Is a coward. Finding someone who displayed kindness and compassion towards him becoming someone that he'd do anything for.

Rocky being his saving grace. Figuratively. Literally.

Grace being Rocky's saving Grace. Literally. Figuratively.

The idea so heavily presented throughout the book, so much so that when the same context arises again, where Ryland Grace battles with turning away from his Earth knowing with certainty that he is going to die this time, he does so this time cognizant and of his own accord.

kind Dennis Whitaker. Dennis Whitaker who offered himself up to be on the street team when he still didn't have a home himself, putting others first, eager to help. his parents are proud "I guess" and his brothers "kinda tortured me growing up." lonely, different, black sheep Dennis Whitaker.

"does a... dr macgyver work here?" funny ass line, yeah, but neurodivergent Dennis Whitaker, who grew up in a household of people who didn't believe mental illness was real. struggling, overstimulated, isolated Dennis Whitaker. Dennis Whitaker who helps others before himself because he doesn't think he's the kinda guy to need help.

"did I do something wrong?" Dennis Whitaker, who so desperately doesn't wanna fuck up the one real friendship he's had. who's used to a life of tiptoeing around volatile family members, making himself smaller, and feels his heart drop to his stomach realizing maybe he's allowed himself to be too much with Trinity, getting too close, speaking up too often. Dennis Whitaker who thinks it's always his fault. "stop talking? yeah."

Dennis Whitaker who is so desperate for praise. Dennis Whitaker who's been yelled at, bullied, so few people in his life any kind of gentle. Dennis Whitaker who grasps every "nice job, whitaker" in his greedy hands, clutching it to his chest, relishing in the rare pleasure of it. he's doing good, he's doing good, someone told him so.