#tw ideation

I have even discouraged some people FROM making posts on my behalf because I'm so done with all of this. If anyone is *genuinely* harassing someone on my behalf and I know them, TELL ME. Show me proof so I can handle it.

I do not have alts for that bullshit either. The only "alt" email account I have is my old, original Tumblr, which is literally named "old prince leonis" so it'd be pretty obvious it was me. If I wanted to say something in anyone's inbox in this situation I'd not hide behind an alt because that's just plain dumb.

I have almost fully withdrawn myself from interactions around the bullshit, and yet I'm "using an alt to harass" no actually I don't have good enough mental health for that I genuinely feel like killing myself this week (I won't do so but ideation has kept me from more stuff recently)

If I wanted to talk to anyone, I'd do it to their face. I have everyone's accounts that I've seen blocked.

Also, I was informed someone said "without ID you can't prove they're 21" but like. wouldn't that be the same for them being a minor. They had no reason to lie on that application that doesn't even require specific age about being 21 and if they lied about that then uh, that's on them? And also really dangerous for other members if they're going to parade a false age then change it when it suits them.

Mental age ≠ physical age. It's a very important distinction to make that alters who are under 18 but in a body over 18 are not minors. Minor refers to physical / brain development and that's why it's such a heavy thing in such a situation.

For the record if you DO want to use that logic, I am of mental age under 7 most of the time. Even now, I just mask it really well. I'm an age sliding alter. By your standards, that's harassment and doxxing of a child, right?

News flash, my mental age doesn't affect my brain development or physical body.

Another news flash, you guys "doxxed" several minors.

Third news flash, y'all hid behind anon to attack me on this account until I turned it off.

I don't always agree with "every accusation is a confession" but it does seem pretty interesting y'all are always trying to claim worse whenever me or Medkit have a mental problem. That you're claiming rape and death threats- which, one, if someone actually is doing that, and you have evidence of who + I know them, I will cut their asses off. Idgaf what you've done rape threats are severely messed up and I would not condone them.

Also, we only hid the serious chat from one person. Y'all posting about it gave evidence of the spy. I expect a "banning innocent people" thing or whatever but yeah we know who it was and they were compliant in your actions.

Unfortunately, I've learned more things that- while I can't share for some people's safety, at least not yet- tells me who you people really are and it's truly disturbing. I wish you the best and hope you find treatment for whatever you're going through. And I do really mean that by the way, I always have since I first said it.

If you truly believed I did something wrong, I was always willing to talk and correct stuff. But making plans to post me on Tumblr before I even reblogged that post about a non-harmful identity y'all acted like was the only straw, calling me a dickrider- which by the way. Disgusting choice of words considering it's your supposed minor friend, and I've already stated that I don't like the sexual intent behind that word (and don't argue it doesn't have it. literally says dick and ride holy fuck) especially with my own sexual trauma- because I found them to be more polite in the situation (and I did know all that btw. I usually just go "yeah" so people don't think I'm brushing them off with "I know") than the other who quite literally decided to be a bully about it. Thinking back, I think y'all did that specifically to aggravate me considering that was the only conversation messages were deleted from + y'all conspiring to remove your submissions before that.

Just, alright. Like idgaf if you hate me or say "I don't like this guy because of this" but the targeting and the extra accusations that don't add up are just... Really messed up. Especially because you've involved more minors than you were ever defending, from other Tumblrs to my moderators to others, you've involved AT LEAST FOUR in your general harassment or pushy nature.

Apparently it's not some of y'all's first time doing something like this though.

Anyway, yeah go ahead and screenshot this and do your clickbait bullshit. People who want to know what's going on will read EVERYTHING and see the proof and make their own decisions. Those who just want to fight will pick a side before even knowing who's involved or what it's about. And so far, seems like people on your behalf only want to pick a fight.

If it further reassures you, after banning your spy, I explicitly stated harassment would be met with removal from server. Whether that's ban or full blacklist depending on the atrocity of the harassment. Anyone who threatens you isn't welcome there, even though you're not welcome there, either.

"leave those kids alone for five minutes" someone said but also when me and Medkit attempt to move forward or post about our own stuff it's bad too. ok

You guys…I am not ok and I’m sorry. I left initially because people were telling me they didn’t care about this blog and I felt I wasn’t providing the escape from reality and joy I wanted to but was also not getting joy out of it.

I’ve been focused on other fandoms but this blog is a different type of writing I just sometimes get the itch for so I don’t want to abandon it. I just plan on posting sporadically and not opening requests very often unfortunately and I am sorry for that.

That relationship I mentioned was not good and it is over. I am nearly 26 with no good relationships or normal experiences under my belt. All I’ve wanted is to be a wife and mother. When I was younger I wanted to be near marriage at this time but that is not going to happen. I feel almost completely undesirable and unloved. The one person who still cares about me is someone I’ve thrown away chances at a relationship with and that kills me.

I am struggling financially and to find a place to live so I can be alone and leave the landlady I have that is not a good fit for me. I have been unhappy at home. I receive lots of family pressure not to live on my own because they think I will be unsafe, but if I can’t even have an apartment without being killed, then kill me I guess.

Leadership at my job is bad and moving up like I dreamed at the location I want is not possible. I now have a one year plan to leave that place and if I can’t move up still at another location I will learn a trade if I can afford it.

A good friend of mine is soft launching ghosting me and I’ve taken the hint.

Life has not been worth living to me and my one year plan right now is desperately scrambling to make my life worth living or else I’ll likely end it. I am tired of happiness being difficult and fleeting. For however long I have even if my one year plan fails, I want to make some good things for you guys. I want to thank everyone who’s still been here while I’ve been such a spotty, shitty mess.