#tumblrdog

hi yall!! If you were active in the down detector chat while tumblr was down, you might know that person who spammed barking in the chat (who was me!)

anyways, I just wanna say thank you to everyone who chatted in there. It was the most fun I’ve had in a while! :)

anyways, until the next tumblr shutdown. Thank you all!!

I lost my soul dog.

Nothing and no one can prepare you for this moment: I was in denial for the first few days- I didn’t want to see his bed, now empty. Each of his toys held beautiful but excruciating memories of the oblivious, light-hearted joy that now feels so distant.

Bodhi was not just a fashion dog, or a pet to me. He was the fork in the road in my life that pivoted everything about who I was, where I was, who I met and the career I chose. He was my heart, my center, my everything. Looking around, there isn’t a single thing in this home he hasn’t had an impact on. He forged an irreplaceable bond with everyone around him. You see, that was his real superpower. He was a conduit, creating magic links of serendipity to bring the people around him together, to gift connections and form relationships and giving us meaning, and purpose.

He was the light that brightened every room, the absolute apple of my eye, ever since the very first time I laid eyes on him. We were two spirits fused, feeling each other’s joy and pain. He watched me grow up as I watched him grow old but nothing changed about the way we were. He would always find me. Even as he experienced cognitive decline, he would find me, his little body leaning and pressing against my leg. He was my place of comfort, my ultimate peace.

I toggle between crying and smiling thinking of him and it’s safe to say that I will never recover from this loss but if I could do it all again, I know I would in a heartbeat.

And yet, if I know my Bodhi, I know that he wouldn’t want me to mope. He would want me to remember him with that million-dollar shiny smile, in a three-piece suit, charming the hell out of everyone in sight. I know he would want me to dust off my knees, get up and celebrate his life rather than bawl over him. So here I am today, mustering up the courage that I don’t have to share the news.

The news of one Shiba Inu that caused millions of people to smile and one, very lucky woman to be his forever soulmate.

As I wander hopelessly,Battling with the melancholy,Denying the part everyday.

‘Me’ as a perfect being cannot wander with depressing thoughts! How can I be so bothered, oh it’s just a phase and it will pass! I question myself how I landed up here again? I keep coming back to this point where I still choose to live in denial but why is it striking me now, am I awake?

I quiver to my activated senses and shut my eyes, oh c’mon this too shall pass, keep holding on! Keep living, everything will be fine for a period; yes, but it will be.

Smile, find yourself enjoying and embracing what it is, oh no don’t cry while at it, you’re strong, you’re independent, don’t let it affect you, what is wrong with you, aren’t you always right with your choices?

Why are you seeing this with a new perception now, going against the odds? Well is it because he’s not there wagging his tail before you sleep telling you it’s all gonna be okay?

It has been months now that you’ve gone and I still fill your bowl with water when I leave from home and raise my ears every time I ring the doorbell so that I catch you barking like an idiot until answered. Hours of trying to sleep are restless as I don’t have answers to my confusions. You knew I was bad at talking about things which bother me to humans. You listened better, you with your silence and eyes filled with empathy helped me find answers or so made me feel good even about the wrong decisions. I did learn a lesson every time giving you your favourite chew toy, with the expression ‘you were right’. But now when I am at my lowest, I have to battle telling myself I’m okay, it’s your fault, you left me.

Your burial has been the most difficult part of my entire life, when you rested in that grave they dug up for you so that you fit in you large beast, my heart skipped a beat when the load of the mud falling over you made your body move. It is also when I realised you were gone, and won’t come back.

I may be selfish as I cry when I don’t have you anymore for my rants and the answers I seek. I haven’t been able to accept the fact you’re not there anymore, well how could I, you gave me 9 beautiful years of my life. Not a day has passed when I haven’t thought about you, people around keep asking about you and it breaks my heart to tell them that you’re gone.

I never imagined that a baby who stumbled from a beautiful red basket came running to me with the softest paws and the cozy fur jumping over me will leave me someday. People mention their best days and I’m always weary of my answers but I have one now. Having you in my life, has made me survive this far and has taught me the meaning of love.

I couldn’t tell you how lucky I was to have you, I really miss you. I love you, Charger. You rest in peace my love. You were my joy.

Yours,