#tulsababy

cliff is huddled in his oversized sweatshirt, hood up, smoking a blunt against the wall of his house. it’s the party of the year and it’s raining outside. of course, that’s not stopping most people from throwing themselves into the pool or playing beer pong and ensuring that they’ll wake up with a cold tomorrow, but cliff doesn't feel like joining the throng. he spots her under the overhang like him, a few feet away, looking cold with a beer in her hand. he scoots a little closer. “you want a hit off this?” he asks, offering the blunt to her carefully. 

Because new job and life and to be entirely honest.... I'm finding it to be more and more satisfying to keep to myself.

Being alone is addictive. There is no one that I need to try to make happy, or worry about, or have some constant fear of disappointing. No messages that HAVE to be sent, no expectations to live up to, and, no one to answer to.

And it isn't just that. I'm sick of putting so much into relationships and then ending up alone in the end anyway. I'm sick of getting my hopes up that maybe I'll find someone that isn't married or emotionally damaged beyond repair. I guess I thought this would be different, that being single would be fun, or at least somewhat entertaining, and I'd want to meet people and get out and really DATE.

No. I don't want part time, half assed, temporary or borrowed happiness. I literally would rather be ALONE for the rest of my days than entertain shallow relationships or settle for a half assed place in a secret corner of someone else's relationship.

I'm doing fine on my own. Table for one, please.

This weekend is Valentines day, and instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself, I planned a vacation to Tulsa for the Starbird Custom car show. It's a big show, 3 day event. I registered to compete in the pin up show over a month ago. Paid my room, scheduled time off...the whole works. Even committed to donating hair clips to the goodie bags for all contestants...that's like $120 worth of work. Well, last weekend, out of nowhere, they announced that they only were accepting 12 girls.

Two days later a post on facebook with the photos of the girls they accepted.

I'm not on the list.

So I'm pissed. And disappointed. And wondering how in the fuck they decided out of 15 registrations which ones to keep. And why the fuck I wasn't even asked to be an alternate in case someone didn't show up.

You know what though?? Fuck it. I'm going anyway. I'm going to have fun. Get away from this town and these people and the whole mess of shit. I'll dress up cute as fuck and have the entire crowd wondering why these bitches decided to edge me out. 3 of the girls that I'm friends with all said it's a jealousy thing. I don't get it.

Tulsa or bust. I'm leaving Thursday after work, I hope. And I won't be back til Sunday night. I'll be broke as fuck and literally packing sandwiches to go, but does that even matter? Hey, if you are anywhere near Tulsa and wanna meet? Let me know!!!

BLESS. thank

“Is this even going anywhere?” ( @tulsababy​ / right in the guts! )

“Just hold me for awhile. Please.” ( @tulsababy​ / contact starters! )