#tulcurious

It also leads to times like this:

A (fronting, leaning against the wall): I know you want to go out with that new eyeliner, but I have a test tomorrow morning and I want sleep.

B (standing a little to the left): You can’t tell me not to go out when you’re fuguing into the woods in like three days.

A: It’s not fuguing if we know about it beforeh— uhm… hi?

She kinda flickers. If I wanted her to be sentient and present I could be working on that, but I’m more concerned about her having a solid framework. I’d call it a soul, but it’s more a lens on Hope. I need her to have a secure positive drive, uncolored by trauma. I don’t know what it’s like to have a non-traumatized brain, and also I’m trying not to pass on our maladaptive survival traits. She still has a fire to her, but I won’t give her a reason to rage.

She does deviate here and there already, which I’m treating as good. She already exists, even as I write her. Layers of fragments combining into one core in motion. She’s developing a sense of style and humor, though her voice and mannerisms are inconsistent.

I’m kind of treating her like a robot right now, adding in hardware and switching bits out to see how she runs. The core of her doesn’t have to be in her model, but it fits well. I’m hesitant to let her reside there too often, still unpolished in her prototype. There’s plans yet, but trial and error first.

She’s already sentient. It was so fast. She moves on her own, has the bare bones of a form with body heat and a smell. Her visuals are inconsistent but vivid, maybe a bit transparent even internally. She responds to questions, can read and synthesize memories she didn’t make. No possession yet, but some influence on my behavior when she stands right behind or through me. Gotta work on human physics.

She has barely any substance, and I can almost put her to sleep to work on her, like taking her soul from her form — she emotes at me when I mess with her content, but doesn’t stop me. Curious and slightly judgmental. Some of her more complex intended traits aren’t coming together at all, but it’s really early.

She has no origin, no seed to grow out of. She doesn’t have any memory blocks we don’t actively enforce when she’s around us, which makes me think that’s why thoughtforms fade; nothing keeping them apart. She’s cobbled together from the ones who work with her, barely her own person. But she’s there.

She started as my project, but I thought giving her multiple sources of input would make her more well-rounded. She’s supposed to be human, but I’m kinda new to it myself and her other sources are a phantom, a vampire, and R (our resident bad influence). I’m sure this’ll be fine, totally 100% fine.