Unless youāve walked this path...
You really donāt know.Ā
Itās a common (and personal) to ask,Ā āSo are you guys trying to have a baby?ā orĀ āWhen are you going to have kids?ā or maybe even subtle hints about how youāve been marriedĀ āfor a whileā and itās time to have kids.Ā
This conversation can go in two ways.Ā Fertility is such a private matter, that most people wonāt say theyāre having difficulty conceiving. Or what Iāve done is actually respond and say,Ā āweāve been trying, we have some fertility issues.ā Then it just becomes this awkward conversation because the person asking wasnāt expecting this answer. Then THEY try to backtrack and say something to make THEMSELVES feel better.
Like,Ā āOh itāll happen. Just try to relax.ā People never mean anything malicious by comments, but it just becomes an awkward dance...Ā especially when they say āyou can always adopt!ā as a knee-jerk comment. Little do people know that adoption can cost more than an IVF cycle with the application & legal process.
I donāt think people know that asking such a simple question can be so personal. You never know if youāre asking someone who is having fertility issues or worseā going through a miscarriage or just miscarried.
It also has to be acknowledged that you donāt know the fertility status of women. A woman trying to conceive can be as relaxed and free of stress; but if she has underlying issues such as PCOS, endometriosis, diminished ovarian reserve... relaxing isnāt going to get her pregnant.
I am the biggest advocate for family planning and birth control. But it has to be said that being on hormonal birth control can mask a lot of underlying issues women have and donāt know until they start trying to conceive. You just wonāt know until you get there.