#ttcblr

Just put it away, move on from it, put it in a box of "things I'll just never be able to do but it doesn't really bother me" like going to Australia.

I wish it was just that vauge yearning, like when I was a teenager, or when we'd first got together, an idea, a concept for the future that was fuzzy and idealistic and pure. Now I'm bitter and hard, the want doesn't feel nice, now it hurts to imagine but I do it anyway. Often I'm just angry, at myself, at others, at people who don't deserve my anger.

So this happened yesterday while we were walking.

I told my husband that I was officially off of birth control, and he got super excited. "So time to make babies??! We're making babies now?! Making babies!!?" It was hilarious.

I told him, no, I need to take prenatal vitamins for a few months before we actually try because I need to increase my folic acid levels (and iron too because I'm already borderline anemic) so that our future baby can be healthy.

He nodded and said, "Ah, so we need to preheat the oven."

So without getting too far into it, my husband have unsuccessfully trying to conceive for a year now. And as Beltane is the goddess Freya’s day and she’s the goddess of fertility and abundance I devoted my rituals to her 💛

So first we start with a bath ritual! I smudged my house, put new black salt in all the corners, and lit white protection candles. Next I filled the tub with sea salt, lavender oil, and dried rose petals I’ve been saving from my husband from Valentines Day.

Next I take a red delicious apple, cut it in half to the seeds resemble the pentacle. I then carve the rune Fehu on both sides of the Apple. So then set it next to a red chime candle that I also carve the rune into.

I then place moonstone, carnelian, rose quartz and ruby around the tub.

I set intention and say my spells towards Goddess Freya.

I then take the rose petals I soaked in and put them in between the Apple slices while the candle burns down. I keep reciting my incantation.

I also took my negative pregnancy test, drew a dark red line making it positive and put it in the middle and tied the apple together with hemp cord.

Next as a request from the Fae (they are very powerful on Beltane) I take a raw egg and in red permanent marker I drew myself pregnant with more runes. (Lol at my drawing)

Then comes the dirty part! Firstly to finish my spell with Freya I bury the Apple under my bedroom window while still reciting the incantation.

Next a bury the egg in my Faery garden while asking the Fae for help and protection.

Last but not least, NEVER FORGET to leave offerings to the Fae and your gods. For the Fae on top of the egg I left coins (Fae likes shiney things lol) and a seashell full of honey because Fae aren’t all about you leaving plastic and non biodegradables!

Praying that we are blessed enough to start our own family soon, I know with my gods on my side and a positive witchy attitude we can achieve anything!! 💛✨

There’s other books I want to get for them but I’m not in a rush, everything’s in divine timing.

Most of the PCOS symptoms have actually dissipated with preemptive sobriety and Kyra Pro dance workouts peppered into my week!

It’s just me, but I’m excited enough for two🥰

In the meantime, I’m getting cavities product testing these reads on my nephew. He’s too sweet for words asking to read my Shabbat collection in his little voice, I can’t😭😭