Childhood Trauma
|Everywhere he turned he saw bodies. He heard screaming, pleas, begging. Yet he felt nothing. That was strange. Where was he? Why couldn't he feel anything? Where was his father?
He began to walk, with no clear goal in mind until he saw a house.
His home.
He went through the door. Inside was quiet, empty, except for a little girl in overalls with small antlers.
"Dazzle!"
He tried to call to her, but instead what came out was:
"I'm not your friend. I never was. I never cared for you or anyone in this house. You don't matter to me at all."
She disappeared, leaving Jack to shout at himself to shut up, what was he doing, he was her friend, he cared about her so much, begged for her to come back.
Then he heard another voice.
"Jack?"
Turning he saw Solar, his father, watching him. And Jack began to move towards him, dagger blades replacing his fingers.
Jack tried to move himself, tried to walk away from Solar knowing what was coming, trying to plead with himself to stop before trying to tell Solar to run.
But he couldn't.
Solar gave him a sad, tired smile and said "it's ok. I'll forgive you, Jack."
And suddenly the blades were buried in Solar's stomach, the other animatronic gasping and coughing up oil which fell across Jack, though he didn't flinch.
He pulled away from Solar and caught the corner of his eye on a mirror. And as he looked into it everything around him went dark except himself and the mirror.
His reflection almost looked the same, except for his eyes and mouth, filled with a dark, dangerous purple glow.
The reflection grinned wider and waved as something crept into view behind him and Jack turned and looked up.
The Beast, towering over Jack and opening its disjointed jaw wide, purple energy spilling out like a river over Jack while he could hear the Creator laughing all around him yet somehow simultaneously far away from him.
The energy quickly flooded the space, and what felt like hands wrapped all around Jack to drag him down under as he tried to reach out for anything to grab onto to pull himself out.
But there was nothing.
He gave one last helpless plea for his father before he was fully submerged in the energy.|
Jack suddenly shot awake in a cold sweat, breathing heavily like he really had been held underwater for too long. He slowly sat up and looked around.
He was in the box fort in the basement, tucked away near the string of star lights. Dazzle was still fast asleep, curled up with her Sun stuffie.
Jack watched her for a moment, unsure why he was so worried all of a sudden about her. She was fine, breathing and turning over, even muttering about Sun being the king of Mac and Cheese Land.
She was ok.
But Jack wasn't.
He silently crept away, crawling out of the fort and into the basement. Since Lunar left it was a bit quieter, no snoring in the other room or TV left running or Nutella jars everywhere.
But that didn't matter right now.
Hugging himself Jack went upstairs. The living room wasn't empty, only occupied by Sun's cats Cleo and Muffin. Muffin approached him, meowing and rubbing against his legs.
Perhaps Muffin could tell he was troubled and wanted to comfort him. Cleo simply stared with a slow blink before he lay across the back of the couch.
Jack almost hesitantly pet Muffin, as though he'd hurt him if he did. And if he did Sun would be beyond upset, like he had been when Jack first tossed them in a dumpster. Though that was hardly his fault, at the time he perceived them as a threat to Lunar's safety.
He had just been following his orders then.
Just like he had this time too.
But he had tried to fight if off as hard as he could, he hadn't wanted to do any of it despite being built to harm.
To kill.
He shook his head hard to shake away the thoughts.
No. What happened wasn't his fault. He was forced to do such awful things. His original programming was to protect, and even then harm or kill was a last resort tactic.
His only fault was rushing the beast that bit him in the first place.
He left Cleo and Muffin, making his way to Solar's room and opened the door carefully. He didn't intend on waking him. Shutting the door he went to the bed and began to climb in carefully.
"Mmm...Jack? What're y'doin'...?"
Dang it, he woke up anyway...
He kept still for a moment in case Solar was simply talking in his sleep.
"Jack I can see you on my bed. Your face glows in the dark, remember?"
Oh, right. He actually did forget that. Jack sighed and crawled in, settling right up against him.
"Wha-Jack? What are you-"
"I had a nightmare..."
Solar looked at him before turning on his bedside lamp. And when he did he saw streaks of oil down his face from his eyes, and a few fresh drops forming as well.
Solar brought a hand up to brush the tears away and Jack leaned into it.
"Do you...wanna tell me about it? It's fine if you don't."
Jack hesitated, burying his face against Solar a bit before he spoke. "Well...first there were bodies everywhere. And so much blood and screaming. Then...then there was the house. This house. I went in and Dazzle was there. I tried to talk to her but all I could say was the things I last said to her, how we weren't friends and that I didn't care about her at all. That she didn't matter to me or anyone else...she disappeared then there was..." He hesitated again, gripping onto his shirt tighter.
"Then you were there. I couldn't run away or tell you to run either. And you said...you said its ok, that you'd forgive me-" He stopped himself, squeezing his eyes shut tight as more fresh tears welled up and slipped down his cheeks.
"That's ok you don't need to tell me anymore Jack." Solar hugged him close.
Then he felt him shaking, and wetness on his shirt before he heard the soft sounds.
Jack was crying against him. It made his heart and circuits ache for his son.
Jack looked up at him, sniffling and pouting.
"Dad...am I a bad person?"
The question slapped Solar and made his entire being ache with the guilt of not being able to protect him better.
"No. Jack of course you aren't. You're a child. You were forced to do terrible things. You didn't enjoy them, even if part of your code would be satisfied that you did. You were made to protect, not kill. The Creator twisted your programming to do his bidding just to be petty to me. Nothing that happened to you was your fault. And I'm so proud of you. I'm proud of you for trying to fight it off for as long as you did. Despite what you've done you never gave up trying to save yourself when I wasn't able to. You're so strong Jack. You're not a bad person. You're my son, and I wouldn't ever change that."
Jack sniffled again and wiped his eyes. "Even though I do or eat things I'm not supposed to? Or because I'm not finished?"
"I don't get why you do that, but at this point your habits are part of your charm, your little quirks. It was weird going to the kitchen and seeing the sponges still in one piece. So yeah, despite your imperfections I still love you. I'll always do my best to protect you, Jack." Solar hugged him close.
Jack smiled and hugged back, yawning a bit. "Thanks dad..." Jack said before he fell back to sleep finally.
Solar stayed awake a bit, rubbing Jack's back as he slept.
"I promise I'll protect you, Jack. Even if it costs me my life."
-end-










