#trystanspeaks

Whoa man, just got out of therapy today, it was rough. Talked about racism and the nightmares I have concerning it. Grew up being the only P.O.C family in an all white neighborhood. They passed around a petition to get us to leave. It was not easy being a kid there. Hate truly starts at home. I have all sorts of friends varying in race and creed today and they all have their own experiences. I’m curious to know what were your experiences concerning race, growing up? Have you internalized any of those messages? Does it still effect you today?

I don’t know what’s wrong with us. Sometimes we’ll just have stints where shit is just horrible, where we can’t take care of ourselves very well so then our sleep goes to hell, then because no sleep our mental health follows swiftly behind, now everything just sucks. Sometimes we can go to work with our partner for weeks and there’s no problem, no early clocking out, hardly no breaks, no issues. Then there’s like a whole freaking week, i kid you the eff not…where we go to work with her or we’ll try and the chaos our brain is up to is just so unbearable that we are having several panic attacks a night. We get through one…that lasts several hours, now here comes number two and number three is so bad we feel like we are having a stroke like we must be about to die or in the process of it because shit is off the wall unbelievably terrible, everything is triggering us, nothing feels good nothing can comfort us, our partner is pleading with them to let them help us, just tell them something and we’ve got nothing we’re crying typing this that’s how awful this is. We are sprawled out in the back seat because that’s how we work with her (our chronic pain is too awful to sit in the seat next to them so we have to lay out in the backseat) with a smile plastered across our face because we’re convinced that if we fake it, feign some type of joy we’ll make it, that it’ll make this go away. I’m so scared when this happens we just don’t know what to do. Does this ever happen to you? Do you panic this hard? I know I sound crazy. What are your panic attacks like maybe we can help eachother..

I don’t know why anyone would ever want to fake DID. Sometimes i just feel sick. My anxiety, the switching, the constant not even knowing who the fuck we are.

What if dreaming is really waking up in another timeline?