Jun 14, 2021
you were good to me
And now I'm closin' every door 'Cause I'm sick of wantin' more You were good to me You were good to me, yeah Swear I'm different than before I won't hurt you anymore 'Cause you were good to me
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you were good to me
And now I'm closin' every door 'Cause I'm sick of wantin' more You were good to me You were good to me, yeah Swear I'm different than before I won't hurt you anymore 'Cause you were good to me
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Why
It’s been almost half a year since I’ve seen you in person. I thought moving to the other side of Lake Michigan would make me forget you. That distance would be good. Helpful.
It wasn’t.
It seems like as soon as I moved out, she moved in. Even though you had been seeing her for about a month at that point, I didn’t know that. You were always so private. How was I supposed to know?
How did I ever feel like I knew you.
But then you were tagged in a photo on facebook. One of your master’s cohort friends who likes to document everything. You invited HER to your annual get-together with your master’s friends.
I think I knew then SHE was staying around.
I don’t know anything about this girl. I’m sure she has a fine personality. I only know her online persona. She seems vapid. She seems fake. Her teeth are too white and her hair color isn’t natural. She posts so many selfies. And who the fuck wears pinky rings in 2019?
But it’s been 5 months.
You’re officially in a relationship with her. You smile wide in every photo. You dress up. You wine and dine her even though with me you were always pretty stingy. Heard through the grapevine that you have been since September.
You still send me snapchats. Never facebook notifications. Never texts. Nothing but SnapChat texts which flow away after 24 hours. SnapChat texts that you don’t respond to for days at a time. You never remember what we were talking about. You sometimes leave me on read.
You’re playing with my heart and I think you know it. But you won’t stop it.
 I know you’re what we would call a “fuck boi.”
Too bad we never even got to fuck.
Now everyday I’m kicking myself for agreeing for us to be “friends.” I’m kicking myself that I ever told you I had feelings for you. I was so naïve that I thought you might too.
You chose a 22 year-old. You, a 27 year-old, chose a 22 year-old.
I know you’re immature. I know I intimidate you. I know I’m not as attractive as the one you did choose. But why lead me on like you did? Like you continue to do?
Why?
We’re at an impasse now. With every happy couples pic she posts, I’m out. With every left on read snap, I’m out. With every hopeful comment you send my way, I know I need to fight.
I’m not talking to you anymore. You make me feel worse about myself and I don’t need that.I’m just so tired of being sad and stuck in the past while you moved on immediately.
You didn’t. even. pause.
I’m tired of asking why. So instead….goodbye.
Mastering the art of letting go.
"I've come to the point of heart break where I hate everything that involved you. I never wished to, but I hate you. I hate you for making me feel this way. I hate you for not thinking of how I'd feel. I hate you for lighting me up like the cigarette you smoke every night and throwing me out exactly the way you do to the cigarette. I hate you so much for making me believe that you loved me. I feel so angry with you and myself, not only because I fell into whatever game you had going on, but mostly because I let myself think you actually cared and loved me. I don't know how to move on. Every thought of you is holding me back into some dark hole I can't climb out of. Every word you said is etched in my brain. Every smile, every laugh, every single special moment shared between us is constantly replaying in my head and I swear one more day of this and I'll pull out my hair. I hate how much of an effect you have on me. I hate it to death. I just wish I could be free from you. I feel like a sinking boat and I'm almost all the way under, just ready to go completely. I'm desperately ready to be free from you. I hate that I love you. " August 22nd. 1:19am.
Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, So what. That's one of my favorite things to say. So what đź–•đź–•đź–• #AndyWarhol #thephilosophyofandywarhol #sowhat #clearskies #monttremblant #workingonmyshit #tryingtoletgo
Let her go.
I keep having dreams about you and it's fucking killing me. I don't want to wake up feeling empty anymore.
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I hope she loves your tattoo, you know the one I gave you. The one that reminds you of me. The one that won't let you go.
Everyday
Tired of trying Tired of being so invested and crying drowning in the pain Tired of the fuckin charade Faking smiles and being forced outta bed Day to day trynna keep my head on straight And everyday not believing a word people say They claim to care and couldn't live without you But days pass without anyone by your side Alone everyday and pushing everyone out Either feeling numb or only feeling pain Head spinning and the worlds upside down All you want is to be happy but Happiness doesn't seem real and Happiness seems like it's for everybody else Try everyday to do something out of your comfort zone Try everyday to get something you'll always be without Sometimes the smallest thing will make you cry and shout Sometimes the littlest things will turn your day around but The pain is more than you can live with And sometimes living doesn't seem worth it But you keep going, keep fighting Never feeling worth it Feeling like you don't deserve to be happy And sometimes life proves: you don't deserve to be happy But everyday you've waken up tired And everyday you've fought to keep going. And everyday you continue to fight without a reason But everyday you'll fight for maybe one day you'll have a reason.
Its so weird that one day someone else will love me/I will love them as much as I loved him. Thats kinda a lot to process. Though, it doesn't hurt anymore. Though, at this moment in time, I don't trust anyone to even get a little close to me. Theres only so many times you can put your hand on a hot burner and not want to do it again. I'm not bitter, I promise. Just cautious for now. Not sure when I'll be ready, but I'm putting the pieces together on what I want and don't want in a partner. Its gonna be hard, letting someone get that close again. I will make comparisons; not on purpose, but just because they'll have some big shoes to fill. They better have a lot of patience! Life is tough.