#trycnf

One, Kicked another in the night

Then drifted to sleep

Two, Yawned and stretched

Then drifted to sleep

Three, Were tucked in

Then drifted to sleep

Four, stayed up long pasted their bedtime

Then drifted to sleep

Five, Counted sheep as they stared at the ceiling

Then drifted to sleep

Six, Heard sirens in the night

Then drifted to sleep

Seven, Recalled something forgotten

Then drifted to sleep

Eight, Remembered to take medication

Then drifted to sleep

Nine, Had a long night shift

Then drifted to sleep

Well, I want to write something about losing my cat in August. I’m not sure how to do it. I want it to be really special. When he first ran away I wrote him a letter. So to start this writing I decided to go read it. BIG MISTAKE. Now I’m crying, and I’m gonna have to wait to do this. Here’s a picture of my baby to give you something to look at lol.

I was told to write. Make sure everything is right. If a word is misspelled or missing then it is wrong. You only have one chance to go on and there was no chance to correct what was wrong. I had to continue to write but I was not as good as the rest and probably never will be.

The only thing I can do is as I am told and to follow the prompt. Do not stray or there will be no mercy. I write and write but every time I lose the words. I then restart to only find myself in the same situation. Will I ever be able to catch up to the rest. Probably not I was never one to have their skill or ability to write like they do. I was always at a disadvantage from day one.

I try and try again as the paper I crumple up files over my shoulder flies into the pile behind me. I was told to turn in a rough draft before it was too late but I was never even able to make it past the first page. The words that I write down onto the page always end up ruining what I have going so I have to restart and go at it again. Why is the difference between me and them so large. Why can I never learn to change my path and learn to better myself. Is it because this is my place always at the back never being able to see the front.

In the sea of crumpled papers I continue to write hoping to find the words to match the prompt I am given. Now is the time to continue. If I stop now I will only wallow in my inability to match theirs. I must soldier on and that is the only way I have known forward. Even if they are better than me, even if they have more skill than me, and even if they have more knowledge than me I can not give up now because this is the turning point. I must continue to soldier on or I will always be inferior to them.

First page done, second page done, and now I am onto the third page. I managed to write what was asked of me but now I am lost. I have nothing left to write. Is this as far as I can go, is this where it ends, and is this as much as I am capable of. I always knew I could never measure up to them. I was always in their shadow and no matter how hard I tried I could never break free. I see this is as far as I could go on my effort alone.

Sat out in the cool, damp lawn as the sun hides behind the wilting fruit trees, we drink. It was the last bottle of the last batch of wine made from the last surviving tree. It was strong, yet it didn’t burn the way you’d expect. 

“Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may. I wish I might, the first wish I make tonight…” And silence. The sky darkens, stars twinkle to life. Ask about the wish, he doesn’t tell, “If I tell, it doesn’t come true.”

We remain, sipping, staring, waiting. Waiting. For what? No one knows. A siren starts in the distance. 

There’s Orion’s belt, bright, obvious. I ask of the other constellations - he shrugs. Lepus is easily unseen, easily forgotten unless looked for with a hunter’s eye. 

The siren continues. 

He gasps, pointing to the sky - a shooting star. We close our eyes tight. I wish, I think, for the peace of the unhappy. Eyes open, we sip once more, emptying our glasses of every drop. We got up to leave, our nighttime adventure over before it truly started. 

Approaching the house, noises are heard - crying, wailing. Lights flash against the dark sky as the mysterious siren finishes it’s last call. We know before we enter - she has found her peace. 

To do list:

8am – Take Zoloft

8:30am – Breakfast with Al

8:45am – Clean Al’s litter box

9:00am – Shower

9:15am – Get dressed (wear new dress!)

9:25am – Makeup and hair

9:40am – Call White Willow’s office about Wilbur’s chipped vase

9:50am – Call Memory Flowers – ask about weather resistant lilies

10:00am – Meet with Wilbur (tell him Al misses him!)

10:30am - Tend to Wilbur’s flower bed - add orchids

1:00pm – Take heart medicine

3:00pm – Visit Sue, Betty, Charles, Barbara, and Arthur (leave them flowers)

7:30pm – Dinner with Al

8:00pm – Take pain medication