#truity

INFP x ESTJ Relationships

Following text pulled from Truity:

The two of you have some very fundamental differences in how you see things, and this can make getting along a challenge for both of you. That's not to say you shouldn't be friends; in fact, you might find that spending time with this person introduces you to ways of thinking that help you learn and grow. But this relationship will not be without its frustrations.

INFP: Fundamentally, [the INFP is] concerned with people, relationships, and values. [They] are a highly idealistic [people] and are always looking for opportunities to make the world a better place. [They] empathize easily with others, and [they] often feel their suffering acutely. But [they] never accept suffering as a fact of life; to [them], we all have a responsibility to change, improve, and become better than we are. [They] can easily imagine a better world, and [they] enthusiastically embrace change when you see it as a positive move forward.

ESTJ:  [The ESTJ] puts a high value on tradition and stability. It's not that [they] don't care about people or making the world a better place, but [they] tend to be suspicious of change in general, and [they] rarely see it as the first solution. [They] tend to believe that the best way to serve people is by keeping things consistent and predictable, and [they] often find the [INFP’s] supposedly “innovative” ideas unnecessary and disruptive. At [their] worst together, they'll tend to view [the INFP] as flighty, unrealistic, and impractical. The [INFP will] see you as dull, stagnant, and unimaginative.

The same things that irritate you about one another are also opportunities for learning. Yes, [the INFP] has wonderful ideas, but they also truly can be a bit impractical. [The ESTJ] can help you think through the realities of [the INFP’s] ideas so that [the INFP is] better able to actually make them happen. And for [the INFP’s] part, they have an opportunity to get [the ESTJ] out of their rut and help them imagine possibilities for a better world. If [the INFP plays] it right, they may actually become enchanted with your creativity and wide-eyed idealism.

Fictional Examples in no specific order:

1. Steve Smith [INFP] x Stan Smith [ESTJ] from “American Dad”

2. Todd Chavez [INFP] x Princess Carolyn [ESTJ] from “Bojack Horseman”

3. Cinderella [INFP] x Lady Tremaine [ESTJ] from Disney’s animated “Cinderella”

4. Valka [INFP] x Stoick [ESTJ] from “How To Train Your Dragon”

5. Sadness [INFP] x Anger [ESTJ] from Disney’s “Inside Out”

6. John Redcorn [INFP] x Hank Hill [ESTJ] from “King of the Hill”

7. Merryweather [INFP] x Flora [ESTJ] from Disney’s animated “Sleeping Beauty”

8. Frodo Baggins [INFP] x Boromir [ESTJ] from “The Lord of the Rings”

9. Kylo Ren [INFP] x General Armitage Hux [ESTJ] from “Star Wars”

10. Sybill Trelawney [INFP] x Hermione Granger [ESTJ] from “Harry Potter”

11. Earnest ‘Earn’ Marks [INFP] x Van [ESTJ] from “Atlanta”

12. Phoebe Buffay [INFP] x Monica Geller [ESTJ] from “FRIENDS”

13. Frankie Bergstein [INFP] x Robert Hanson [ESTJ] from “Grace and Frankie”

14. Nell Crain [INFP] x Shirley Crain [ESTJ] from Netflix’s “The Haunting of Hill House”

15. Wes Gibbons [INFP] x Micaela Pratt [ESTJ] from “How To Get Away with Murder”

16. Dorian Williams [INFP] x Alaric Saltzman [ESTJ] from “Legacies”

17. Charlie [INFP] x Ava Sharpe [ESTJ] from “Legends of Tomorrow”

18. Merlin [INFP] x Uther Pendragon [ESTJ] from BBC’s “Merlin”

19. April Ludgate [INFP] x Craig Middlebrooks [ESTJ] from “Parks and Recreation”

20. David Rose [INFP] x Johnny Rose [ESTJ] from “Schitt’s Creek”

21. Mike Wheeler [INFP] x Lucas Sinclair [ESTJ] from “Stranger Things”

22. Nia Nal [INFP] x J’onn J’onzz [ESTJ] from “Supergirl”

23. Vanya [INFP] x Pogo [ESTJ] from “The Umbrella Academy”

I do this ALL THE TIME without realizing. 

“Sensors live in the detailed, vivid world of the present. They value practicality and physical experience as ends in themselves. Much of the frustration a Sensor has with an Intuitive comes when the conversation bounces off in all sorts of directions that may be interesting for the Intuitive but has zero relevance for the Sensor.

Suppose, for example, that you're shopping for a new car. Your Sensor partner strikes up a conversation about fuel consumption, heated seats and tow packages. Because you focus on theory and metaphor, you attempt to extract a deeper meaning from the Sensor's literal words where none was intended. You are convinced, wrongly, that the Sensor is referencing the environmental impact of CO2 emissions and you can't understand why the Sensor keeps dragging you back into the mundane world of backup cameras.

What you have actually done is put words into the Sensor's mouth. They were having a benign conversation about cars, while you were setting the world to rights. The further you move from reality, the more annoyed a Sensor will get.

One way out of this jam is to lead with a different experience, one of action rather than exploration. Buy the new car first and then plunge into the theory pool of environmental degradation. Sometimes you just need to get the job done.”

I mean I'll judge you no matter what you get, but if you get Debbie Downer then there's a little-to-none chance that we'll be friends. I'm barely friends with two kids in my friend group because they got Debbie Downer and it's true for both of them and it freaking kills me.

Every time they mention not wanting to do something and I try to be nice and say "oh well try to have fun anyways!" and they respond with "I won't but thanks I guess" it makes me lose my mind. Or whenever I talk to them and they INSTANTLY make the conversation become the most insufferable basically-a-vent topic ever, I want to give them the Colombian Necktie. Like dude shut up can we PLEASE have a conversation without you talking about your dead/absent parent or your depression or suicidal thoughts/ideation or any other stupid problem in your life