#trixic pride

So I’m kind of like a masc non-binary, trixic and aroace person, right? I’m also very repulsed at the idea of me being attracted to a boy/male, right? Like very very very repulsed, like disgusted at the idea, kind of repulsed.

So I like dc, marvel and that stuff with superheroes and vigilante stuff. So basically all shows I watch have a male mc. And of course they are apparently handsome in a normal Hollywood way, right?

And yesterday I was watching that Lucifer Netflix series. And my mom also swears a little bit of it.

And today when I was eating lunch with my dad, brotherr and mom; my mom said smt along the lines of:

“Oh she watches it because she thinks Lucifer is really handsome ☺️” and a little of other male characters I apparently think are handsome.

…

No.

And you know what’s worse? I could feel my cheeks BURNING up. Like I’m pretty certain that I FUKING BLUSHED.

AND THE I KID YOU NOT, I WAS HOLDING BACK TEARS THE REST OF THE WAY UNTIL I GOT HOME.

And I legit am re thinking my entire existence. Because I’ve legit said to my self that if I ever liked a boy I’d kms 💔. And I know maybe it’s not that big of a deal but we CANNOT be fr rn.

I’m considering never touching any media with a male mc ever again.

Another time (yesterday) I was in school. The last lesson (Spanish 😞), completely normal stuff, ya know. I was sitting at a table with three girlies and my guy friend. And I was talkin with him, AND I FREAKING FELT MY SELF BLUSH. I CANNOT BELIEVE MY FREAKING ENTIRE EXISTENCE I HATE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE.

I LIKE HIM AS A FREIND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.