the antidepressants are working but i don’t know who i am when i’m not constantly losing my shit

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the antidepressants are working but i don’t know who i am when i’m not constantly losing my shit

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switching from Wellbutrin (good for energy bad for anxiety) back to Trintellix which I haven’t taken in years but remembered doing well on and damn, these side effects. I didn’t remember it feeling this bad. But the last time I was on it, I was constantly hungover and sleep deprived so I probably just didn’t notice? God I hope it works.
anyone else just so constipated and asexual as a side effect of their psych meds?
Like it's still better than being psychotic (n hypersexual cuz ur psychotic at the same time-loved that for me 💅) and life is worth living now but not exactly ideal
Has anyone here taken the antidepressant Viibryd before? What was/is your experience on it? Dr W wants me to try after her research. Kind of hesitant based on its side effects and she said it may lessen the efficacy of my Lamictal.
Side note: Fully aware that everyone reacts to meds differently. Just want some feedback. And still need to speak with Dr W before agreeing to it.
Also note: I am pretty much at the end of possibilities with antidepressants. It’s this one or Trintellix. The others I’ve either tried already or are counteractive for me based on my gene report. Or are older generation tricyclics.
I’m pulling myself off of all my psychiatric meds one by one and it has been hard, but I’m already feeling the positive effects. I was on an antipsychotic called Rexultifor the last year and successfully cold turkey’d it. Took my last one a month ago.
Now I’m pulling myself off of Trintellix, which is my antidepressant. I’ve gained a lot of weight on it and I’m just not happy with myself. Why am I even on so many meds? My doctor said that after she’s had me on an antipsychotic for a year, she actually doesn’t think I’m bipolar and instead thinks I just have extensive trauma.
Thanks I guess?
Anyway, today is my first day skipping my Trintellix. I’ve spent the last month in hellacious anti psychotic withdrawal, so anything this throws at me will feel like a cakewalk in comparison.
I’ll be staying on my Vyvanse, Guanfacine and Buspar. The Guanfacine works as a heart med for my POTS while also evening out the negative parts of being on a stimulant.
After coming off this anti depressant I will be coming off of gabapentin. That I will need to taper. I tried last summer to come off of it and almost offed myself as a result. I went catatonic and just laid on Stephen’s lap, rocking my body and humming to stop the terrible thoughts I was having.
I didn’t taper it though, so that was my issue.
I’m going to free myself from the shackles of all these medications. I’m 30 years old and I want to enjoy it. I want to feel everything deeply again instead of feeling this fuzzy numb feeling 24/7. I’d rather feel everything and cry than walk around this world letting time pass me by because I feel apathyx1000.
My medication journey started in rehab in 2020. I hadn’t taken meds since I was a child taking stimulants for my adhd. I was put on a cocktail of things and gained an insane amount of weight when all I needed was some fucking therapy and help addressing the death of my father.
Gonna set it all straight now and undo what I thought was just my new norm. It doesn’t have to be.
Here’s to lots of withdrawals coming my way, ha.
Hoping for strength.

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if i could take one antidepressant without being horribly nauseous after upping the dose that'd be great
Personal post but is anyone on Trintellix and is it working for you? After 3 failed attempts with 2 SSRI’s and a SNRI my psychiatrist nurse practitioner got me genetic testing to see what works best for me.
And it really made me think why don’t we offer this on a first visit availability? Why must we suffer side effects on different antidepressants and throw mud at the wall and essentially hope it sticks?
We learned my body does not convert folic acid at all which is essential for antidepressants to work and added l-methyl folate. I also do not metabolize SSRI’s at all so my stint of lexapro where I felt that it wasn’t working and my pcp said we just needed to increase dosage definitely be vocal if you feel it’s not working upping dosage is not always the answer.
Trintellix is suppose to be the best for me and I’m hoping so viibryd is another option.
Disowned Entry #6
I finally have a new psychiatrist after finding out my old psychiatrist, after 38 years of experience, did not know that he almost killed me several times.
You may be wondering, "Archie, why the fuck did you stay with your psychiatrist for that long and what does this have to do with the Disowned Entries?"
Welp, I had to find out the different ways he could have killed me off, and my dad literally suffered through the same thing without having the language to speak about his mental health. (My dad isn't the greatest about the whole me coming out as transgender, but the man is trying.) PIus, it's my bIog
1) The first time I've met my old psychiatrist should've given it away as a big red flag; he was an hour late into his appointment
2) I already told him that I had Bipolar disorder type II (my past diagnosis before it as re-diagnosed as Shizoaffective with a bunch of other disorders), but he still gave me anti-depressants, like Trintellix, which triggers mood stability
3) While we're on the topic of Trintellix; did you know that Trintellix and General Anesthesia do not mix together because it could trigger bipolar-like symptoms? And that Opioid drug class does not mix together either? Because I didn't
(ps with #3 to give y'all a perspective; I told him 3 weeks prior about my top surgery and did not inform me about my problems about it until a IiteraI day before surgery, and then went into detail two weeks later)
4) I also forgot that he never actually took the time to do a proper intake with me
So, now I'm building higher standards for myself and letting y'all know that if you have mood instability symptoms (please do not have general anesthesia because they're an psychotic drug) and your psychiatrist isn't telling you shit about the possible threats to your health, drop them, it's worth it