#transmisogynoir

I haven’t seen anyone on here talk about her murder but maybe that’s because I don’t follow a lot of people. Regardless, I just don’t want her death to be erased or forgotten. There’s of course nothing that can be said to quantify the weight and gravity of her loss and I’m praying for her beloved family and friends.

I think that the US transfemme desire to disown drag/ballroom is a symptom of both white culture’s destruction of ancestral ties and the importance of cultural continuity, and of the predominantly white ignorance of it as a gentrified Black art form similar to how whites treat other Black art. They want a destruction of it because they see the effects and results of the gentrified version and assume that’s all there is/was.

In particular it’s frustrating because while some drag queens are cis, a lot are trans women, non-binary, or otherwise transmisogynized and drag/ballroom and the tipping culture associated with it existed in part because the transmisogynized are so fucking unemployable and it provided/s a method beyond mutual aid for the redistribution of money, through the labor of performance.

In relation to trans women, I view drag queens as a pathway to transness similar to crossdressers, femboys, (unfortunately) sissies, and similar - where although the perception of them currently may cause harm to the perception of trans women at large due to the ways they compromise with predominantly white cishetero society to allow transfemmes to explore their gender, they are, in fact, still functionally people within the spectrum of transfemininity even if they haven’t fully accepted their gender expansiveness for themselves. Harm they cause to the perception of transfemmes does not lessen them from that societal assignment, any less than we can say Caitlyn Jenner, Blair White, or Kelly Cadigan are less trans women because of the harm they’ve done to the perception of trans women. They are all, in effect, varying levels of transmisogynized whether they realize it or not.

When I was in DC I knew a lot of drag kings/queens and literally 95% of them are trans and either came to drag/ballroom as a way to explore their gender through art and/or make money bc poor, or started it and it was a gateway to unlocking their gender. Not counting the cis performers elevated by stuff like RuPaul, who is explicitly transphobic, I think I can count on my hands how many cis performers I’ve met. Hell, even with RuPaul shit a number of drag artists who have been on his shows later come out as trans (such as Bosco, who I literally grew up with), in part because they suppressed their transness publicly to maintain their career until they reached a point the blowback of coming out wound impact them less. Pulling a F1NNSTER to keep cash flowing for survival, if you will.

Iunno like. The earliest Balls we have records of were literally 1880-90s, predominantly Black (the oldest drag/ballroom performer we have records of was a Black trans woman from DC), and was one of the only safe places for trans people to exist as themselves. So I find the idea of writing it off due to a much more recent gentrification and commercialization of it as ignorant as how people often treat other demonizes or commercialized Black art.

“I just don’t like the spectacle it makes of transness and harm it causes-“

Baby all Blackness is spectacle to crackers and An Amount of modern drag is white people doing minstrelsy of all Black women - not in the sense of gender at all but in the sense of race.

Like. A lot of Black culture in the US specifically is Big and Loud *because* of the repression of it we’ve faced and the force towards respectability politics, which has echoed to queer culture because queer culture in the US is made vast majority from Black culture. Our existence is a spectacle so why not make a show out of why they hate us and try to erase us so that they can’t get rid of even more.

Hating “the spectacle” of an actual performance art form is solidly rooted in white supremacy and white cultural notions of propriety/respectability. Many aspects of “spectacle” seen in drag are directly taken from Ballroom or adapted from it/vogueing.

In summary: traditions are meant to change with situational, cultural, and environmental need but still be sustained as part of a culture. Gentrification is a poison to this that makes it harder for those the culture belongs to to practice it as it should. White ancestral shame is a poison that makes them think they should nuke everything historic/cultural that makes them uncomfortable regardless of whether it’s theirs or whether it’s something they stole and gentrified. Also yeag like,,, it’s a job/gig income predominantly for societal “undesirables” to make money when they’re under/unemployed due to marginalization. And it’s also been gentrified to *gestures at RuPaul, et al.*

No matter what you think about drag or ballroom, poor predominantly racialized trans folks still gon be doing it because it is part of our culture no matter what tv shows and big names and people who have only seen those do to it, and it’s always going to be seen as one of the “disreputable” pathways to transness that makes other trans people look down on them because of the complicated ties to transmisogyny, because until someone publicly says the words “Im also a trans woman”, WE also view them as a personification of what we fear the world sees us as—a man in a dress—rather than an egg finding their way to gender in a way we deem unacceptable because it doesn’t align with how we think it “should” be done.

And I think that’s on us honestly, not on them. If we say it can take as long or as quickly and as easily or messily for someone to sort out their gender as needed, this also has to be extended to the transmisogynized we view as “disreputable” regardless of if/when they reach a conclusion we deem acceptable or whether they die in the shell, never able to remove their masks fully.

Black trans women aren’t monolithic; there are black trans women who are super badass and high femme but there are also black trans women who are butch, who are punk, who are a nerdy girl who hasn’t gone outside in weeks just like how white trans women are.

Ever wonder why trans memes only ever feature white girls? And rarely feature black girls? I certainly know a few black trans women who would love memes for them. It doesn’t need to be about the black experience to be for black trans women. You can have your little puppygirl memes with a black girl, they don’t need to be consigned to memes about natural hair or locs or racism or rap music.

Black people exist beyond the confines of anti-racist talking points. Black trans women exist beyond the confines of transfeminist talking points. If you don’t personally know any black trans women, analyze why that might be; are you making your presence a safe and comfortable place to rest for black trans women that you KNOW face tons of hardship? Or do you not care about actually giving them a safe harbor in your company and instead only care to use them as a cudgel in arguments.

another Black woman lost to intimate partner violence. another Black woman lost to transfemicide. Black trans women are some of the most visible among us, statistically face the highest rates of violence, and are still at the bedrock of every trans community, holding up half the sky. Black trans women deserve to be loved out loud and uplifted and appreciated while they're still here.

rest in heavenly peace and pride and power Eryka. i know she's being welcomed with open arms and so much love by her late mother. but Eryka should still be here.

if anyone is able, please donate to or share around her family's fundraiser, they are raising money for the funeral, travel to NY to identify and claim Eryka, as well as transportation of her back home to Kentucky.

I say "aww you think the world is so hostile, huh? well you're wrong. there's love and kindness and warmth to be had. You just have to become limp for me"

the animal bears its teeth and growls.

I say "hey now, that's not very nice of you. Y'know in order to deserve that love and kindness, you have to be kind yourself. Just lie still for me. don't make this difficult"

i move closer

the animal tries to bite me but i take my hand away.

i say "hey! what did I say. Be good and go limp. If you weren't such a thankless bitch maybe someone would've helped you by now. I'm doing you a fucking favor. Now comply, I'm no longer asking"