#transformers tfa

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*kidnap to adopt au*

Megatron: I know over 200 ways to kill a mech, autobot.

Bumblebee, cemented against the wall: do you glue an open jar of scraplets to a bots face, then blowtorch the other side of the jar so the scraplets have to eat their way out through their faceplate?

Autobots:

Decepticons:

Megatron: … make that 201.

Starscream: how the scrap is that not part of the 200 you already know?!?!!

———

Ultra Magnus, video calling from teletran 1: wait, wait, wait… megatron actually signed his own signature in the protection law?!

Optimus prime: yes. That is precisely what happened, here’s the documents with his signature on it.

Ultra Magnus: I-.. I don’t-.. how’d you convince him?

Optimus prime: didn’t have to. It also helped that bumblebee. His son forged with his energon. Introduced the documents to megatron for him to look over.

Bumblebee, popping up: is that ultra Magnus?

Optimus: yes bee, it is.

Bumblebee: nice! Hi Magnus! Oh before I go, you might want to warn sentinel about my mom/dad. He’s not gonna hold back and put him in the well while giving him the fear of primus as a ‘celebratory gift’ no matter what side wins.

Optimus:

Ultra Magnus: …… I fear for that cadet. And your crew.

———

*Shattered glass parental megs au*

Sg!bumblebee, being the most unhinged gremlin ever: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Take that! Decepticon scum!

Sg! Megatron, just spotting bumblebee: *waves* hi son!

Sg! Bumblebee, shocked and embarrassed: ah! I-I’m not your son! Frag off!

Sg! Megatron, just happy bumblebee’s ok after the crash: I love you too!

Sg! Starscream: he-… he told you to frag off though…

Sg! Megatron: he’s going through his angry phase, every autobot does. *checks his comm messages* he says he’ll visit when he can and said sorry.

Sg! Starscream: I admire your admiration, dedication and kindness, sir.

———

*Prowlbee*

Megatron, confronting prowl: so… we finally meet.

Prowl, kidnapped: whatever it is you want out of me, you’ll never-… why is there energon in front of me-.. is this a dinner meeting?

Megatron, sitting across the dinner table he made: I just wanted to let you to know. You. Have my full permission and my blessing for when you two wed.

Prowl: … what?

Megatron: Though of course, I’ll still come after you if you hurt my baby bee. Just note: this might be a regular occurrence.

Prowl: … this is a very weird thing to do for a future son-in-law, do you do this with everyone?

Megatron: no. Just the ones that I find worthy, you’re not a worthy opponent. But you’re worthy of my son’s hand.

Prowl:

———

*Sparkling bumblebee au*

Megatron: you must do me proud soldier. So rise! Rise up! And take your rightful place as the dominating force of destruction. And slay thy future enemies!

Babybee, sitting cross legged and giggling:

Babybee, reaching for megatron: mama!

Megatron:

Megatron, fondly: oh alright, *picks sparkling up* but you’ll have to start taking your first steps at some point, ok?

———

Bumblebee, on monitor duty:

Bumblebee, without looking up: hi mom/dad

Megatron, spying with the spy drone: primus-!! … how’d you know it was me.

Bumblebee: who else spies on me and the rest of the crew while someone is on monitor duty?

Megatron:

Megatron: fair point. When you’re done, clean your room.

Bumblebee: *groans* fine. I’ll see you on the battle field.

———

Megatron, nonchalant: oh, sorry. Do you bots need to use those?

Sentinel ‘Magnus’: w-what?! How!? That stassis cuff is enough to make even omega fall to his knees! How’s that possible?

Megatron: *thinking back*

Megatron, as d-16: c’mon bee, you need this bath

Babybee: no!

Megatron: bee, you’ll get uncomfortable if I leave the mess on your frame, you get easily upset at that too-.

Babybee, upset: NO!!

Megatron, electrocuted: aghfragshgsbdgdhbdbdhbdynotagain-!

*end of flashback*

Megatron: I have my ways.

Megatron, thinking: thank primus for my son’s early developed ability.

———

Longarm: uh… bumblebee, where’s your sire’s note? The one with your family holograph?

Bumblebee: oh, it’s in my personal stuff box, where I put all of my sire’s notes and gifts. Why?

Longarm: oh, well… that’s good, I’d really like to know that recipe he left for you-.

Bumblebee: *big gasp* his homemade savoury energon recipe?! I’ve gotta see it! He makes the best energon fuel, you gotta try it too! Oh! Bulkhead as well-!

Shockwave, thinking: you’ve spoiled him too well, lord megatron.

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Ok dokie, another transformers parental megatron skit.

… yes I did do a Pokémon reference, it’s a good show. I also added some shattered glass in there… because why not.

Also-… that part with megatron being immune to electricity? I kind of wish that was a little bit canon, like-… it would be so funny, soooo troll worthy and very much something megatron would do!

Pat pat pat