#transchinese

Because, I can't be close to my culture again. And I just cry everyday because I feel so sad. Everyday is a horrible day. I survive only for my husband.

And I'm fucking sure again that I was adopted by my parents... And it's so painful. I feel like a young girl again : alone, in a country and a culture who doesn't fit me.

I hate my parents for giving me a Chinese and vietnamese education (when they aren't Chinese or Vietnamese), because I will never feel in my home anywhere. I hate them for fetishize me all my life. I hate them for giving me a sino-vietnamese name. I hate them for calling me "their Asian pearl"... Because i was just asian to their eyes, because i have little eyelids, because i got so much asian traits. Because my mom was a huge fetischist and I'm pretty sure it's the reason why she was an incestuous bitch with me (no offense against my incestuous homies, I'm too.)

Because I just have fucking disturbing dysphoria, I don't feel at my place anywhere, I'm just alone. My husband can't understand how my heart is screaming.

I feel again and again and again alone. Like a child who was adopted and no one will ever tell him. Because I faced anti Asian racism since I'm a child, and I still live it on a daily basis.

My family, the society, my exes, my whole country decided that i am an Asian girl. Nothing more. And most of Asian from my country just mocked me and tell me to just shut up about that, that I'm not at my fucking place to talk about racism.

I just want to live in China. Be in my culture. Be with people who won't injure me for being "not enough" or being a fucking "ching chong." I'm a fucking mess. A fucking mistake in this shitty society.

And yeah. I post that here because it's killing me little by little. And I can't talk about it to my husband. I can't. I just want to disappear, and reincarnated in a life who will be so much softer.

That's pretty funny to me tbh

Thanks for giving me attention

Got my first hater today 🫢

Oh no I'm gonna cry 😔

(ts legit made me happy and I don't wanna cry anymore they failed so badly krkkrkrr)

I'm in a bus and a stupid girl told that the seat next to us was free (it wasn't) so the old lady who used to sit there got mad at my brothers who sat in her place and ended up sitting somewhere else.

Now i wanna cry cuz the old lady probably think we're rude and if there's something i'm proud of it's my politeness and I hate rude people

+ the kid that lied abt the seat being free thinks were bsf but I really don't like her, she's racist towards asians, think she's the best at everything and she's like supa noisy and I hate noisy people more than I hate my twin sister, and the two of them are best friend now what a bad taste of friend tbh

Now I'm stimulating myself with hyperpop so that I don't cry

Yay im feeling better now

I'm gonna rant a little

Depending on the light's color, my skin can look more tanned and that's annoying because lights in classroom is yellow so my hand look less white and I like looking white (lwk wanna be a white angel)

Also my arms tanned a little so I got sad TvT