#trans names

like, you already have a choosen name but you notice you don’t like it so much or it doesnt auit you or it doesnt really feel yours and decide to change it

well, how do you tell your friends that you changed it “again” and ask them to call you by this??

pls tell me how cuz i just feel stupid and im not sure i want to tell my friends i want to change it

like

anyway

i don’t think so but if u interested in more info about my situation :,) read the whole vent post about me overthinking

it has happened very weirdly, cuz me and my friends were so much fixated on arcane and i particularly liked viktor a lot, like, so much that they started calling me viktor and we sort of started joking calling eachother by our favourite character

then, about 7 months into this shit, i found out to be trans, my deadname also happened to start with V so initially, when i wasnt so sure, it was all new and i thought i was fluid, i asked my friends to call me just V, yk, neutral, but at some point one said it was weird saying it, like, phonetically, and just said “sorry, but can i call you just vik?” so it was a complete syllable

and it just stuck

like

i kept it and started presenting myself as viktor and yeah all cool

but, i didnt choose it, did i? i don’t dislike it, of course not, its a damn cool name, and if i didn’t liked it at some point i would have said “look, no, don’t call me that” and choose a name myself

but it wasnt bad

just that, im not sure it feels mine completely, yk?

worst part is that the person who kind of gave me this name is a real childish bitch, and i don’t talk to her anymore, so its not even an actually good memory

but now i cant change it, can i? its a year that people are used to calling me that, and it has been fucking fantastic because i found people who i know they see me as myself and are supporting and shit, and i don’t want to risk that by saying, sorry can you call me this? i changed my mind”, it just does look stupid

i thought about getting a second name, so to keep both the one people call me and the one that i like more, but probably no one would use it and it would just stay in my mind forever

well, at least until i change it legally, then it will be written everywhere and that would be fucking cool

but now it still feels stupid

idk why

because i would like something universe related, i like Archer a lot, like could i start telling some people shit like “hey, i think i would like a second name, thought about getting one, keep this cuz u guys are used to it but i like Archer more, so you can actually call me both, but you’ll probably forget so its fine, just letting you know, man”

considering that i already have a lot of trouble presenting myself to people with one name, with what gut am i going to tell people who already know me that i got a second name? and how the hell does people with two names present themselves? i think they choose like, only one and just say that for the rest of their lives, but i would like people to know both of mines, how does a normal human being do that?

problem is that a lot of times when people have double names they get called with those like they were one, while sometimes they just never say their other names and just get themselves known as one of their names

but i don’t like any of those scenarios

like, both names togheter sounds awful, and getting called just by one means don’t change anything cuz i hate the idea of telling people that u want to change my name, it feels so stupid and so embarrassing and it would probably look way more childish as a situation

yk? fucking truth is that i don’t want 2 names, i think i know i want to change it, its just a new thing so i need to get used to it, but maybe its better if i don’t get used to it because then i would feel bad when others calls me by the other name

and its probably embarrassing to say as a word from others, yk? here its definitely not a common name, im jn italy, no one has ever even heared this word probably, so its weird and even more embarrassing, viktor already is embarassing cuz its very very very rare, also a name that people don’t actually hear, oir version of it its vittorio but it sucks

viktor’s cool, and people say that it suits me, and its more similar to my deadname so it has been easy enough when people started getting used to it

but still

i like archer more.. like, its amazing, fucking amazing, at least in my mind

and anyway, we are talking about my friends, which are about 7, 2 or 3 real ones, and the rest people i enjoy time with more often, so it would even be a short list of people who i should let know, and im going in a new class soon, so there’ll be probably nee people, but i don’t really know

if the new class is about the same as last year i will not tell and let them calling me vik, if the majority is new, maybe i’ll consider changing it for everyone and just present to the new people with the new name

and anyway i know that a lot of people do that, a lot of people get through a miriad of names before settling on theirs

but still

ugh