#trans guy guide

Now this one is a tricky one, and it's a situation almost every trans person has to go through at some point in their life, unless they stay in the closet for life, but if you're planning to come out, and you don't know how to approach the situation and don't know how to judge if it's safe, I hope I can be a reliable guide for you on this journey.

This is usually the first step in any trans person's journey, before they physically transition, (which some don't as well). However here we're talking specifically about trans men.

So while some of the things I say could apply to trans women, always remember I'm writing about trans men from a trans man's point of view, so that's the targeted demographic here.

Once I learn more about trans women's struggles and things they go through, since I don't have the personal experience of it, I will definitely write trans women articles as well, and as well non-binary people.

So let's begin, with a list of important things to keep in mind whilst coming out to the world or at least to your family and close friends.

1. Safety is everything.

Always no matter what.

A good way to test if someone is going to be safe to come out to, is to casually bring it up in in a conversation topic, something like "What are your thoughts on lgbtq people, or specifically what are your thoughts on trans people?"

If they become aggressive and violent about it, and start being transphobic or defensive or any of the signs of bigotry, do not and I mean do not come out to them yet.

If it's a parent, I'd suggest at least wait until you're of age to move out, or have moved out, to come out to them. Sometimes people will get verbally and physically violent towards you if you come out to them and they're not accepting of it, so the most important thing is to always judge the reactions of people, and if they react well, then you can come out to them.

2. Always choose trustworthy people to keep your secret whilst you're in the closet.

There's been a lot of people who trusted idiots who they thought were their friends and they ended up outing them to the whole school they were in, etc. etc. But there was a lot of stories about this happening multiple times.

Make sure the people you tell would take the secret to their grave, especially if you're in an abusive household and can't come out for fear of violence.

3. If you're in a very abusive household, especially one that's openly homophobic and transphobic, as hard it is, please wait to come out as long as you possibly can until you have a place of your own and you're safe for sure.

A lot of people have been known to kick out their own children on to the streets because of them being LGBT, or do much worse...

Now of course these are some of the worst case scenarios, but being LGBT you always have to think about every bad thing that could occur so that you can prevent it.

4. When it comes to actually coming out, I would always recommend bringing a good friend or close family member who supports you, so that you have backup, not only for them to chime in and tell their piece and defend you, but just them being there makes the other person not want to be as violent towards you, because they fear what others will think of them.

If you're coming out to an extended family member or anyone, don't trust to do it alone, always bring a good friend.

5. One of the best ways to come out that I've seen are ways that are jokey and hilarious!

It seems to smooth over and make it a much more pleasant transition for everyone, and usually even homophobic people won't get too mad, they might even laugh!

I've seen people bake cakes with the words "Surprise I'm gay!" on it, things like that.

Just little cute things that are nice to do for your parents or people you're coming out to, but make it a surprise and that you're actually lgbt!

Now remember though, always follow the first rule and make sure safety is priority, but if you know you're safe, but you're just not sure they understand, starting out with jokes helps a lot.

6. The second step you should do after coming out is always try to explain your side of the story.

If there are people who don't let you get a word in, let them know that you have important things to say and that they need to listen to you and then they can say whatever they need.

Explain how it feels to be trans, explain why you know you're trans, of course you shouldn't have to ideally, but unfortunately a lot of people won't understand unless they're given more information, as the subject is completely foreign to them.

I know my grandma specifically reacted so well, all she did was ask me questions about it, and once I answered all her questions, she hummed in satisfaction and she never questioned it again and completely accepted me.

And a lot of times you'll get people who are pretty neutral, people who will call you by your chosen name and gender but don't really totally care as much as you want them to, but they still go along with it and just kind of assume you know what's best for you, which is a really kind thing really.

I've had a few people react neutrally and it's actually relaxing, there's no pressure put on for being gay, either over positive or over negative. but I have to say as a trans person and gay person, and grey-ace person, I love the people who ask questions the most.

I don't mind answering, and it means they're trying to learn more about something they don't understand, which means they have a huge heart and huge open mind.

Some people may get annoyed at the constant questions, but I absolutely adore them.

To me, every time someone asks about me, they're showing interest in my life and my feelings.

7. Next the scientific method.

Look up on any scientific article anywhere, and you'll find studies done on trans men and women's brains.

It was shown factually multiple times, over and over, whenever they repeated it it did it again, that trans men have the same brain structure as cis men, and trans women have the same brain structure as cis women, and non-binary people have somewhere in the middle. This was factually proven, you can look it up, so if they try to use science to defend against you, educate that that science is actually for LGBT rights and has explained how it works even.

8. Try to be gentle when it comes to pronouns.

For a lot of people, especially people of foreign languages where some languages don't have genders, or will have different genders, or other things like that, or even just English speakers that aren't used to saying 'they', or your family not being used to your pronouns yet.

It can take a while, and I know it's frustrating, it could take even a few years for them to finally get it right every time.

It's not supposed to be an attack towards you, it's genuinely hard to reprogram yourself when you think someone is one thing your whole life and then it turns out they're the other thing! So be sure to be gentle with them while they're practising, remind them every time they make a mistake, but remind them gently, as they are trying to do the right thing, they're just slipping up due to habit.

In general, be patient with non-lgbt folks, if we're mad at them, it just drives them away, rather than driving them toward us to help and assist us.

We should be grateful for our allies.

9. Once you've come out and your parents probably still have questions, I would recommend sitting down and having family night where you read together some good articles about transgenderism, and LGBT+ in general.

If they're not familiar with it, this type of education can help them a lot to understand the terminology and how to address you, and basic respect for trans & lgbtq+ people.

Overall it's a learning experience for both of you, and it would be amazing to do if they're willing to learn.

Remember that it's a journey for all of us, and everyone has a lot to learn.

10. When selecting your name, I have one piece of advice/a question for you; "Does it spark joy?"

The most important thing, it doesn't matter how odd sounding it is, or differently spelled it is, or whatever your name is, if you enjoy your name, that's what matters.

Always pick the one that calls out to you.

And it's okay to change it from time to time, people need time to figure out who they are!

And with that, I conclude my fourth part!

Today, we're going to talk about basic fashion, and some things trans guys specifically need to know when buying a new wardrobe.

Some of these rules can always be broken, it's your body and your choice what to put on it!

However, this is a guide for passing better, so feminine and androgynous looks will not be covered here, only the traditional masculine. I will most likely make a guide out on dressing that way later.

1. Match colors, but don't be afraid to throw in some accent detail colors! Usually when you think of fashion, you think of making everything match, however some things will go better with some contrast rather than plainly matching!

As long as it still has some similarity, it doesn't have to be the same.

The most basic rule you need to learn dressing as a man, is that you wear your belt to your shoes.

If your belt is brown, so should your shoes be.

If your belt is black, they should be black.

Usually most fashion rules can be broken, but this one seems to be very important, as it can throw off the whole appearance of an outfit to have mismatching shoes and belt.

2. Use what I call the finger trick.

When selecting a shirt, specifically a dress shirt, put your fingers in the collar between your neck and the collar.

If you can comfortably fit two or even maybe barely three fingers in there, then that's a perfect fit shirt around your neck.

If you can fit four or more fingers, it's loose and will make you look baggy and overweight.

If you can fit only one, or feel any pressure on your throat, you need a looser shirt because it's too tight.

3. Somewhat similar, but when buying pants, this may be the most important thing of all.

If you get the right set of pants, it can disguise even the biggest of curves.

You want to get what's known as a straight-leg jean pant, you can make it a cargo pant if you wish, either one looks very masculine and good.

I would usually recommend bootcut pants if you wear longer shoes, like boots, or combat boots, or anything you need to tuck the jeans into.

Always get pants that don't feel constricting, and always get them where they fit comfortably with a belt, but don't need a belt due to fitting good already.

But straight-leg type is so important to go for, it's one of the things that makes a boxy figure like a cis man's.

4. I'm not sure if this is obvious or may come as a surprise to some people, but even if you like dressing femininely, if you wish to pass, I would suggest always shopping in the men's section.

They have shirts and pants and everything else under the sun that shaped specifically for men's bodies, making yours look even more like a cis man's, which is very gender affirming. Also women's jeans are made to support the butt and make you look feminine and curvy, while men's are designed to be straight, boxy, and comfortable, usually with deep pockets too!

5. Similar to the matching rule before, you can match a busy pattern shirt with a plain pair of pants, or busy pattern and pants with a plain shirt. However if you put too many busy patterns, or too much plainness, either way makes you look not as good.

Try to balance the detail with the simplicity.

6. Overall the most masculine thing you can wear especially pre-t, is either a formal or casual suit.

You can even wear just a dress shirt with a tie or bow tie, with some dress shoes and pants, and you're good!

This just generally makes you look super masculine and it's hard to mistake.

7. if you're like me, where you like to dress flamboyantly, but you're also super dysphoric about it, wait until you get testosterone therapy.

If you end up having it and you start seeing positive effects before dressing femininely, it's great!

I did this and now I feel totally comfortable with it, as no one ever misunderstands me even if I wear the most feminine things ever.

So if you're going on t, feel free to dress more extravagantly during because you will pass even so!

8. Another way to check shirts that are long sleeved, particularly dress shirts, is to tuck it in like usual, and then lift up your arms really high like you're reaching for something.

If it untucks or lifts the fabric in an unflattering way where your armpits look huge, it's cut wrong and is not something you should buy.

9. This may be surprising to some, but yes, cis men will wear feminine designs on masculine outfits.

I can't count the number of times I've seen men wearing bright pink suits. Other times there's been crop tops, painted nails, hair done, everything.

So if you really like that button up with the flowers on it, but are feeling hesitant due to the feeling that people might judge you, don't worry!

Maybe some will, but a lot of people wear unique clothing, and no one will be as bad as what your thoughts say to you.

10. I have somewhat of a warning, as good and fun they are, t-shirts can be very revealing when it comes to showing your chest, even through your binder! Something about them isn't cut quite right, even if they come from the manliest man's site or store.

If you still wish to wear t-shirts like I do, I would recommend getting a short-sleeved or long-sleeved Dickies button up jacket/shirt that you wear open over it. Or any jacket thing, really. This covers your chest completely and negates that effect.

11. This is sort of more hygiene base but still has to do with getting dressed. Always use men's soap, and men's cologne, and men's essential oils, and men's lotion, if you have them.

Also use some aftershave, it's helpful if it has lotion mixed in and moisturizes as well.

You can even shave even if you're pre-t, due to it making a clean feeling due to there being no feminine peach fuzz on it. This can help support dysphoria relief, as well because it feels like you're shaving a beard, at least until it comes in.

When your moustache and beard do come in from testosterone, if you take it, make sure to oil it lightly with natural oils like argan oil or coconut oil, the stimulates hair growth and follicle health.

And I would recommend shaving just once as it starts developing, so it develops thicker, stronger, and more handsome.

12. If you're planning on going on t, buy at least some of your clothing a size or a few sizes up, or getting a duplicate that's larger.

You will grow, so if you buy all your clothing in a smaller size, you'll probably end up unable to use any of it.

13. Always position your belt buckle in the center of your stomach, the way you can tell if it's positioned right is if it lines up with the buttons of your button up perfectly.

14. When wearing a suit try to always keep the bottomless button unbuttoned. That button isn't actually there to be used, it's meant to be unbuttoned and it makes it look so much better.

The reason it looks so much better is because it makes it flattering and thinning. If you button all the buttons, it will make you look heavy due to it tightening around your waist and stomach.

15. You should always have at least two pairs of dress shoes. one pair that's black, and one pair that's brown. Same with belts. It's also recommended for summer that you keep one pair of masculine flip flops or sandals or sneakers around.

16. This is more of a suggestion than anything, however it's manly as fuck, and people love it.

If you carry a work knife, a pocket watch, a small portable multitool, and a handkerchief.

Possibly even a pen and small notepad with you at all times.

This may seem odd at first, but it's what men used to do constantly in the older days.

These items can come in very useful. A work knife can open packages, open letters, be used in place of scissors occasionally, and even used to defend yourself and others.

A pocket watch is just fancy and shows you're always trying to be on time.

A multi-tool shows you're ready for any task, and it can be a lifesaver in many situations!

Meanwhile a handkerchief is important, because if you ever come across someone crying, or someone wounded, you can lend them or give them your handkerchief, which is a very gentlemanly thing to do, and it can help you pass better, as well as it just being a kind thing to do for someone.

The pen and small notepad is always good to carry on you regardless of any gender, due to you needing to write things down often.

17. Ironically, although socks with sandals seems to be a fashion 'no-no' to most people, I quite like them, and it seems like I pass better with them.

Men tend to wear those slip-on flip flop things, and when you wear socks with it it makes you look very masculine, even if it may look silly to some.

Personally I like it a lot.

18. If you do wish to do makeup & nails, I would suggest doing it as black and gothic as possible, as that's the most common style guys do it as, and if you do it in a certain way, it can come out looking way masculine.

And that concludes my fifth part of this Trans Guy Tips series!

1. Just simply treat us like regular human beings. This means don't be assholes, and don't be fetishizers.

Trans people are just like anyone, their brain just happened to form in a different way than their body did in the womb.

If you treat them with the same respect that you treat everyone else, you're doing right.

Don't be that person who asks if they had surgery, and what their genitals look & looked like, and all those personal questions that are maaaybe well meaning but come off creepy as fuck.

2. Take their name & pronouns seriously!!

If someone is trans, even if they don't look like the gender they are, try not to ever misgender them.

This can be mental anguish for a lot of people who are trans.

There are a lot of trans people who look perfect, yes, but there are also a lot of trans people who don't pass whatsoever.

If you just support the beautiful trans people and not the unconventionally attractive ones, that counts as transphobia because it implies they're not real men / women unless they look like them exactly.

And it's okay if you mess up on their pronouns and/or name sometimes, it's just an accident.

The only time you're an asshole is if you're doing it on purpose to be mean.

3. Ask questions!

The most important thing you can do is gain as much knowledge on the subject as you can.

Do this by researching yourself, and also by talking to the person, and asking them about any questions or confusions you have.

Almost all of the time no one minds being asked, and you are in fact showing you respect them and want to know how to show them your respect.

4. A nice thing to do that's become very popular as of late, is when meeting someone, asking their pronouns.

Such as she/her/hers, he/him/his, and they/them/theirs.

This way you never misgender someone by accident, and it shows that you're friendly to those who are trans.

You can even support this movement yourself by not only doing this, but also putting your own pronouns in your biography on social media, spreading the likelihood of people putting more in, which means way more people get gender fulfilled and makes it a common thing to give strangers respect of their gender!

5. This is yet the most important rule of all.

Don't be a coward.

Stand up to injustice when you see it, no matter what.

If a trans or gay or otherwise LGBT+ person is being bullied, attacked, r*ped, or anything of the sort, either help them yourself quickly or get help for them as soon as possible, and speak up loudly, protecting them whilst also not drowning out their own voice and their experiences. I've known some trans people who have cried after I defended them online from hateful people, and as a fellow trans person I know that feeling.

The feeling of someone having your back,even a stranger, can mean so much.

Also stand up for LGBT+ people even when no one is listening. Even when a single person that's LGBT+ isn't there.

Stand up for them always, not just conditionally.

This rule is important to me personally, due to one of my ex-best friends, at the time best friend, letting me get harshly abused verbally by someone who is transphobic in their family, and they stood around and did nothing whilst I cried.

That's pretty much a textbook case of what not to do. Lol.

6. When you notice they're feeling dysphoric about their bodies, try and remind them of the traits that they like and the traits that they will have in the future (if they go on HRT that is)

things like calling them 'handsome', 'dude', 'bro', 'milady', 'miss', all these different nicknames can be cathartic for trans people who might have never been called those terms before, or very rarely.

Obviously you're not expected to know every whim of your trans friend, or any friend, but if you see them actively upset, this is a very sweet thing to do that can cheer them up very quickly.

7. Even if you do not understand it at all, and can't comprehend the transgender concept whatsoever, please try your best to think of where your loved one is coming from.

Sometimes it's hard to see the pain they go through, so you may assume nothing is going on, and that they're going through a phase, or faking it, but that is usually very untrue/unlikely.

And even if they are going through a phase, if you support them, that will make all the difference and they'll remember that the rest of their lives, even if they do grow out of it, which is extremely rare so it's unlikely in the first place.

What matters is having each other's backs, even if not understanding everything.

Not everything is meant to be understood by everyone. People come from wildly different generations and cultural backgrounds and it makes sense that it would be hard for some, but it,'s so important to try!

8. This is a small, cute optional thing, but if they're in the closet and unable to use their real name anywhere, try taking them somewhere like Starbucks where they get to have their name written on their cup.

I know that might sound funny, but it was one of my favourite moments in my life when I saw my new name correctly on my Starbucks cup.

Little things like that can really boost your mood!

Just a random thought, but I thought I'd add it in.

9. If you're close with them, make sure they practise self-care and wellbeing.

Trans people are known especially to have very high suicide rates, over 50% of trans people have attempted suicide, so it's extremely important to make sure your trans friend is as supported as possible, so that they always have people to fall back on.

If needed, remind them to take showers, remind them to eat, and sleep, things like that.

This one mainly has to do with if you live with the person and know them well.

But even people you don't know them well, you can suggest self-care practises to them, or even put together a little care package of self care products, but make sure they're all natural!

10. A good way to train to use their pronouns and name correctly, is to think of them in your mind hard, and then repeat their new name and pronouns in your brain or aloud with the picture of them in your mind over and over for as long as you need every day or so.

Eventually this association will become so strong you'll automatically get it every time!

11. Most importantly, just be there for people in need.

Stand up for those without a voice, whilst giving them a voice. If you're one of the people out there who is not LGBT+ in any way, but is making an effort to learn about us,

I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

People like you are extravagantly rare, and so kind. And it definitely means you have an open badass mind.

Anyway, that concludes this article, please comment your thoughts!

Many more articles about being transgender I'll write in the future, and I'll post the ones I write soon.

Please feel free to check back at my account to see if I write any new ones or additions to previous articles!

Thank you for reading.

Note; This was made with GC2B’s half and tank binders in mind, however it could also apply to other binders.

1. Make sure when putting it on that you are clean and dry.

2. Make sure to wash it regularly, being either hand-wash or machine-wash depending if your washer is gentle enough. The thing gets stanky when used even just a couple times. I find machine washing to be way more useful than hand-washing, since it seems to tighten the binder a little which can be useful for older, loose binders to become new and spry again. However others say washers and/or dryers tore their binders, so above all be careful.

3. Put on deodorant AFTER you put your binder on, and BEFORE your shirt. This is the best strategy to not get those yucky deodorant stains on your binder. Because the binder really sucks that stuff in.

4. Bind with your chest upwards, and outwards, but not too outward that your nipples show through your binder. If you ‘bind down’, it can damage your breast tissue and ribs much easier and, if overused, could lead to issues with top surgery in the future due to chest elasticity.

5. Similar follow up and it has been stated but DO NOT BIND WITH BANDAGES, OR ANYTHING NOT A BINDER. DO NOT DOUBLE-BIND. I know the urge is there but you have to stick with what’s healthy for your body. These things can mess you up for later top surgery, and even break your ribs and cause breathing difficulty.

6. When deciding if you want a half binder or a tank binder, think if you want to be warmer or colder. Think about your climate especially. Also to keep in mind is dysphoria. If the half binder feels too much like a bra or a crop top and you feel dysphoric in it, the best option is the tank binder. However if you hate rolling up and being overly warm and don’t mind the look, the half binder is for you.

7. If you are closeted and your binder(s) are discovered, it’s best to pass them off as sports bras or if you are known to have spine issues, a back brace device. It could even pass off as a waist slimmer band. There are many ways to explain it away without revealing you are transgender, don’t worry.

8. Try, always, to BIND ONLY A MAX OF 8 HOURS. I know this goal can sometimes be unrealistic because sometimes something will come up where there is no opportunity to change out of it, but if you can, less is better. Try only wearing it when going out, or when wearing it around the house take breaks as often as possible.

9. When in or out of binder, if you wear one it’s a good practise to continually remind yourself to breathe deep, slow breaths from the belly, not the chest, and then to roll your shoulders, stretch, and give a little cough to give your lungs the reset they need. Not only does this lower tension and stress in your body, it also helps combat breathing issues or chest pain due to binding if you have it, and prevent it if you don’t.

10. I’m mainly talking about gc2b binders here, but you can totally swim and exercise in them. HOWEVER. Exercise very carefully, know your limits, and try not to do heavy lifting or excessive cardio in your binder. Swimming is usually fine, but like with exercising be cautious. Also getting in and out of a wet binder is haaaaard.

11. NEVER bind when sleeping. If you feel yourself getting tired and you’re still wearing your binder, best bet is to take it off in case you fall asleep. Laying down on your chest while binding can cause the previously mentioned breathing issues and bone damage, and some people have even died in their sleep due to their binders.