#tqlk

It's utterly exhausting and it's infuriating how many people seem to not even notice this.

Non-binary people face a huge amount of invisibility and infantilisation. Non-binary people spending their lives being misgendered and hiding away in the closet are not privileged for that. Non-binary people face the same obstacles in medical transition as any other trans person. Non-binary people discussing our own struggles on our own posts or in our own spaces doesn't take away from other trans people. Non-binary people have a right to take up space and participate in the wider queer community without be treated like we're intruders.

Even when my mental health was at it's lowest and I was a complete shut in, I have some nostalgia for those late nights watching let's plays while playing the same game along with the video. Even when I was involuntarily committed for a full year, I have nostalgia for whispering inside jokes to other patients behind the backs of staff.

This made me realize that there will certainly be moments that I'm currently experiencing that I will be nostalgic for in the future.

I've found this to help me find more positivity in my life. Instead of guilting myself for not being grateful for what I have, or comparing myself to people who have it worse, I just try to notice fleeting moments of joy and appreciate them for what they are.

I always found it really unhelpful when people told me just be positive/grateful. But somehow approaching it this way has been very helpful for me.

Maybe it because appreciating these moments doesn't feel like it's ignoring the pain I'm experiencing. I'm not dismissing my current hardships, I'm not trying to tell myself that everything is fine, or even that the good outweighs the bad of my current situation.

People talk about giving up Harry Potter like it's some essential part of their identity and I just don't understand it. I can't even judge them for it because it's so far outside the realm of my experience that I literally can't imagine it.

When it came out that Rowling was a TERF there was literally 0 change to my life because I thought about HP about as often as I think about Redwall. It's a book series from my childhood that I enjoyed, end of story.

It's just bizarre to see constant arguments about whether it's okay to engage in the fandom, or continue engaging with the series. At this point I've just accepted that to some people, there's probably nothing that Rowling could do that would be enough for them to give up that franchise.

But I've realized that it's also because it reminds me of one of the most common acephobic arguments I saw back when asexuals were the targets of the "discourse" (aka the main target for bullies in online queer spaces) The argument was that no one can tell you're asexual unless you tell them. That mlm and wlw can be clocked in public by homophobes and thus are the targets of violence but asexuals aren't going to be holding hands with the wrong person so clearly we don't experience any type of oppression. At it's heart it's the same argument I see against afab enbies. It's this idea that going through life hiding your actual identity is a privilege, that somehow staying in the closet all the time is fun and easy, it's the idea that the only meaningful form of oppression is random violence from complete strangers, that non-violent bigotry doesn't really matter, and that violence from people you know is somehow less common or less important. It's people acting as though the only reason that someone might seek out queer spaces is to avoid that violence from strangers, and that seeking out queer spaces for emotional support or to form connections is somehow "taking up resources" or an "invasion" of a space where they don't belong. It's the same oppression olympics that I hate with every fiber of my being, that does nothing but turn us against each other and distract from our actual oppressors.

Afab enbies wanting to exist and be acknowledged no matter their gender presentation is not an act of violence against other trans people.

If a cishet person calls me a slur or talks about how non-binary identities are all fake, it sucks but it's also somewhat expected. But when a transfem or transmasc starts saying that unaligned trans people don't have it that bad and act like we don't deserve space to talk about our own issues, it feels like being stabbed in the back. We're meant to stand in solidarity with each other, to be allies and comrades. Other trans people should understand firsthand how painful it is to be repeatedly told they're actually a man/woman pretending to be something else, how painful it is to face barriers that prevent you from transitioning and then be left not only with the dysphoria but also the judgement from people who don't think you look enough like your actual gender. They should understand how awful it feels to be constantly bombarded with invasive questions about their genitals and reduced down to what people assume about their bodies. It can make me so hopeless because if the people who should understand this experience are still cruel and uncaring, then what hope do I have to ever find a place where I belong? If I can't find safety in the queer community then what's left for me?