#touches

Okay so idk how to like get into this without just straight up saying it so..

My mam who is 50 has a habit for slapping my ass/ touching it, not always but sometimes. We were recently away and she did it then and ngl it makes me uncomfortable. I dislike her doing it and have told her before. She used to do it when I was younger too but like made a game out of it? She used to like idk how else to say it but grab a cheek to get me to go faster up stairs (that’s what she told me) and eventually made a game out of it. And I do believe it was innocent but I am now 16 and don’t like it. I’m not that fond/ confident in my own body which is fueled by the fact she makes comments comparing us or jsut says stuff she doesn’t like about my appearance and also just don’t appreciate her touching my ass whenever she feels like it. It ruins my mood

Am i overreacting for feeling this way? Should I tell her how I feel again? I don’t know what I’m meant to do in this scenario I think it’s kinda inappropriate even though I don’t think it’s done in a malicious way. But I want it to stop. She doesn’t do it often but when it does happen it makes me uncomfortable.

(Sorry about grammar I suck at English and if there’s any mistakes with spelling I’m sorry I just quickly typed this out without reading over)

Reddit consensus: NOT OVERREACTING (NOR) (100% confidence)

Top comment: “I gotta be honest, I was guilty of this and my kids had to confront me. I think they requested that I stop at a much younger age than you sound right now, like probably second or third grade. It’s about body autonomy and being able to tell who can touch you when and how. If you have already gone through puberty, it’s even more disturbing to have someone touch your butt without permission. NOR at all. Remind her that if it was anyone else doing this, you would be talking sexual assault. You know she is not doing it for sexual reasons, but this is not ok touch anymore.”

Notable comment: “I think it's normal (or at least it was when I was growing up - I'm close to your mum's age) to grab/pinch/pat a child's bottom to make them go faster (not saying it's right, just "normal" when I was a child), so I can see how it started. That said, you are now \*well\* old enough to make decisions on how, when, and by whom your body can be touched.

It's so hard to practice boundaries with family (especially if they aren't open to hearing them), but I think you should tell her how much you don't like it. Maybe sit down (by yourself) and truly think of why you don't like it/the impact it has on you/why it makes you uncomfortable. Write those reasons down and think on them. Then, sometime when it's a good time and you think your mum will listen, ask if you can speak with her. As unemotionally as you can (as in, not worked up and crying/factual, not "like a robot") tell her how these unwanted touches make you feel. Also remind her that her criticisms of your growing/developing body will become the voice you hear in your head for the rest of your life, that she is teaching you to hate parts of yourself, and that, since this body is the only home you'll have for the entirety of your time here on earth, you'd like to find peace there.

It's hard to enforce boundaries when you are 16 and not in control/unable to leave. You've told her that you don't like those touches. Is there something you can enforce if she does it again? Or, the next time she touches you in a way you don't like, do you feel like you can stop, turn around, look her straight in the eye and say "mom, I've told you I don't like it when you touch me like that. Please don't do it again" and stare her down until she apologises or looks away. Continue to do so each and every time until you are able to leave home. BUT - only if it's safe for you to do so. If you think that telling her would make your home life unsafe, please reach out to a trusted adult in your life (I know in many parts of the world teachers have a duty to report unsafe home environments).

I'm sorry you're going through this - families can be challenging and being a teenager can be so hard. Know that you are allowed to make choices regarding your body and you are allowed to stand up for yourself. Wishing you all the best! NOR”

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When ya just sat with your eyes closed taking a moment and you feel a little touch on your hand.