#totty

He doesn't even entertain the thought of trying to live independently. He goes right to 'well I guess there'd be no choice but to die'. He craves social independence, he seeks it out and cultivates it, but when it comes to true independence he seems to have a lack of faith in himself. He seems to feel like if he ever has to make an effort in life then he would fail, and dying would be the only choice. And the fact that he plans on going straight to death rather than trying to find someone else to leech off of implies a lack of value for his life or living.

This is after he finds social success:

This is one example of his view of the world, himself and his brothers, and his goals. It's blatant here, but outside of this example it's a sentiment that shows consistently. He's going to rip himself out of the bottom of the barrel, break free from the yakuza sibling rot and be A Person. But as shown in the video above, when it comes down to it, he'd turn to death instead, the way he thinks all of them would. He doesn't even seem aware that that's concerning and unusual, because he goes right to praising himself, which is the response he wished he got. Maybe he thinks of his lack of faith as a solid fact of the world, and he doesn't question it or really think deeply about it at all.