#totbt

"As I was saying, the soul has more than one part, in the same manner as the brain. The larger part of it — identity, personality, consciousness, if you will — this is what springs loose and travels; but a small residual soul remains. It keeps the vacant body animate, so to speak, for otherwise vacancy would mean death, of course." "I see. The residual soul animates the brain stem; that is what you mean." "Yes. When you rise out of your body, you will leave a residual soul there. And when you come into this body, you will find the residual soul there as well. It's the very same residual soul I found when I took possession. And that soul will lock with any higher soul eagerly and automatically; it wants to embrace that higher soul. Without it, it feels incomplete." "And when death occurs both souls leave?" "Precisely. Both souls go together, the residual soul and the larger soul, in a violent evacuation, and then the body is a mere lifeless shell and begins its decay."

❧ Lestat being least able to tell Louis about his suicide plan or any of his feelings leading up to it, being least able to tell Louis goodbye, knowing despite what he tells himself that this will hurt him.

❧ Lestat, post-failed suicide attempt, telling Louis about this thing that is so, so important to him, this deeply heartbreaking dream that he could be human again or at least have some taste of it, some small taste of what he was before he was stolen from his old life and body, just for Louis, upset about the suicide attempt confession Lestat just casually glossed over and about the danger Lestat's little fantasy is about to put him in, snaps that Lestat is a monster and has always been a monster. He can't change himself into a human, that's moronic, and being human wouldn't make him any better. On some level he means this, but on a more significant level, he is terrified of losing Lestat and this is the only way he knows how to communicate it.

❧ Louis, once Lestat does successfully manage to enter a human body, then refusing to turn him back, because Lestat did it! He achieved the one thing any vampire would do anything for! Lestat feeling abandoned because Louis won't help him (it's like Louis is killing him again, while he is literally crawling over him and begging). Louis being willing to face the horrifying prospect of an eternity alone to give Lestat this chance to be free, really free, to give him a second chance to live and love as a human the way he was meant to and then to belong to whatever Heaven humans might go to when they die. Louis wanting this for Lestat so bad, at his own expense, and even if Lestat doesn't understand in this moment.

We've got:

- Amicable but distant Louis and Lestat at the start, shifting into a Lestat feeling let down by Louis.

- Lestat's DARVO mindset regarding his treatment of Louis (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender).

- A recurring hallucination of Claudia that needles Lestat into begrudging self-reflection and partial accountability.

- (Doylist racism that the writers(s) are oblivious to 🫠)

Which I think is all leading to:

- Lestat realising that he has not broken the cycles of his abusive behaviour, despite his regrets, because it gets him the people he wants, and he knows that he will ultimately be forgiven enough to keep them in his life (hopefully a more Louis-focused execution in the show).

Which is all very chewy, BUT.

I was so pissed and disillusioned at times reading TOTBT that I nearly put the series down. Louis was only in a few scenes, but after each one I thought "What was the point of book one? Why does the author expect me to ignore everything bad Lestat did and coddle his hurt feelings?" (And I don't even like book-Louis! Show-Louis is such an incredible character and so different to the book version)

The TOTBT ending low-key blew my mind and retroactively changed how I felt about the entire book, but AGAIN, I nearly didn't get to the ending.

And it's worse with the show, both from a weekly-release perspective and also because the abuse that Lestat inflicted on Louis and Claudia was much more pronounced and racially charged in the show, so it continuing to go unaddressed (or seemingly forgiven) is understandably upsetting and even infuriating to many fans.

No mic-drop ending can fix trust with the show if they prolong this past a viewer's breaking point...which I've seen happen with multiple people I follow.

Combine that with the earned (!) lack of trust engendered by aforementioned Doylist racism, and we have...a messy situation.

I didn't think they'd make a Magnus song, let alone one that was some twisted up ballad.

What's worse is this isn't just about Magnus and his turning—he is confronting his own nature too.

He hates how he was made, and yet he repeats the cycle— he makes companions out a selfish desire, and he resents his own unwillingness to stop himself. He feels monstrous.

Mother, do not die now. Nicki, please do not hate me anymore. Louis, stay with me. Claudia, forgive me child—but I need him more. Antoinette, make him come to me.

He just doesn't want to lose the people he loves, wants, needs. And he will do anything in his power to keep them. He is all the more willing to transgress if it is for his love.

Dog. Wolf. Wolfkiller.

He "hunted" Louis. Stalking and making appearances like the figure that haunted him over the stage lights. He tried to court him gently, but the moment he heard his lover wanting to die... he refused to let him go.

"I wanna give you everything I've got."

The proposal in the bloody church was a desperate, forceful plea. This was not the plan. He didn't want to do it like this. But he must. Kill and destroy anything that gets in the way.

He needed him to "ask me for it," to just nod his "beautiful head and say yes."

"Don't tell me the spell is breaking."

Please. Please want this. Want me. Don't make me do something terrible. Because if Louis had said no... would he really have left him in the defiled church?

"Ask for it, Wolfkiller, and you will live forever."

BODY=THIEVED✅️

Raglan after finally gaining Lestat’s trust: