Mister Torgue, I know you’re never going to die, but I am curious, who all is in your will? It’d be fun to know which people or creatures you value and trust enough to leave your earthly possessions to.
LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT: I AM ABSOLUTELY GOING TO DIE. I EAT LIKE SH*T. MY BLOOD PRESSURE IS TERRIFYING. AND I HAVE HAD A LIVE GRENADE ON MY DESK FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS. DOCTORS SAY MY LIFE EXPECTANCY IS "THE END OF THIS VERY SENTENCE".
THAT'S WHY I FIGURED OUT MY WILL A LONG-ASS TIME AGO. IT CURRENTLY READS:
IN THE EVENT OF MY EXTREMELY LIKELY DEATH, I LEAVE ALL MY WORLDLY AND INTERPLANETARY POSSESSIONS TO WHOSOEVER IS THE COOLEST BEAR CURRENTLY ALIVE. END OF WILL.
RIGHT NOW, THIS MEANS IT'S A THREE WAY TIE BETWEEN "32 CHUNK", THIS DRAWING TINA MADE OF A BEAR WITH A MOHAWK, AND A LARGE GAY MAN NAMED KEITH WHO'S ABSOLUTELY GOT HIS SH*T TOGETHER.
PLANNING FOR YOUR FUTURE IS IMPORTANT!!!!
