#top rin

Hello, my name is Matsuoka Rin and I’m frustrated with my boyfriend. 

Haru and I have been dating for almost two years now and, despite a year apart, we’ve finally found a way to live together. I decided that I would move back to Japan after swimming with the Australian team for a year. I was actually surprised how happily Makoto welcomed me into their little home. For the longest time I thought he had feelings for Haru, but from what Haru’s told me it seems that Makoto might have eyes for my best friend.

But--

That’s getting off topic now isn’t it. Now, I’m frustrated with him because, for all the time we’ve been together and all those special times when I’d tell him I loved him he never said it back. Either he would grunt or say that he ‘liked’ me. LIKED ME! Of all things to say to someone you were dating?! 

And don’t get me started on his distant stares when we’re on dates or how he always wants to go swimming when it’s his turn to choose where we’re going to go out to. The worst part is that I’m getting jealous of water because of the way that he looks at it. How his eyes light up, twinkling all crystal like, when he looks at the rippling surface. It makes me sick with anger. To think that he looks at water like that, then just gives me his normal, everyday stare, like I’m nothing special. 

You might be thinking that I’m thinking WAY too much into this but please tell me that you can’t imagine feeling a little left out when water gets more attention than I do. (Not to mention the fact that we haven’t even gotten close to going all the way yet and I’m sexually frustrated but that can wait.)

So here I am, sitting at home with him, watching TV for new years. Makoto is out hanging with some friends from his school, he said he’d be out all night celebrating with them. Not that either of us particularly mind. Yet I feel like I’m alone in the apartment with my thoughts. Haru has been silent all evening, not even sparing me a glance except to avoid me. I’m more annoyed than ever. It’s New Years. We should be celebrating and kissing and... well, whatever else. Yet he hasn’t said a word. Until--

“I’m going to bed--” he goes to stand.

Before I can stop myself I grabbed his arm and dragged him back down. “No! You’re not! You’re staying here till midnight an we’re going to kiss like a normal couple would.”

Haru struggled in my grip. “It’s not that big of a deal Rin- just kiss me in the morning-”

I felt my heart shatter. He pulled away as my body went slack from the shock. It looked like he was about to say something when my expression stopped him. My vision blurred and I was sure I was making a stupid face. This wasn’t good--

“Why do you hate me?!” I screamed. “What have I done wrong? Do you not love me? You never say it- and you never look at me like I’m anything special- you never look at me like you do water and yes I’m getting jealous of water because of the way you look at it all doe eyed and shit-- and all I get it little glances and ‘I like you’ and we only ever jack off with each other then you’re too tired or not into it enough to continue-- What’s wrong with me that you don’t love me?! Why are we still going out if you hate me so much?”

He didn’t say anything right away. By the time he opened his mouth I had already run. I was out the door without my shoes or a jacket, down the stairs and out onto the street. I kept running. I didn’t hear him following. Why would he follow anyway? He didn’t love me. He didn’t care. 

Finally I had to stop. My legs gave out and I nearly face-planted into the pavement. The tears in my eyes were now doubled from the pain of the rocks scraping my palms, elbows, knees and chin. I sobbed quietly in the middle of the alley, not knowing where exactly I was, how far I had gone or how I would get home. I didn’t even have my cell on me. Not that it mattered to me right then. All I could think about was the pain in my chest and all over my body. 

Everything ached. Everything stung. I could almost see my shattered heart scattered across the pavement where I fell. 

I tried so hard for him. I’ve always tried so hard to be good enough for him. Trained and practised and worked hard to match him - to beat him. I’ve always made efforts to be sure he was happy in his relationship. That it was always something fresh, something new to do. And now I see it was all for nothing. I tried to be everything I could for him and he didn’t care.

I just sobbed as, low and behold, it started to rain. Of course it had to rain. I couldn’t help but laugh a little to myself. How romance movie-esk this was. Now all it needed was--

“RIN?! Rin where are you?!” I heard Haru calling. He sounded scared- no terrified. Yet I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want him to find me. Not that I was hidden. Not that I had the strength to hide anyway. So it wasn’t long before he rounded the corner and saw me. His face was twisted in fear and panic. “Rin! God what happened? Did someone-” he came over to help me up.

“Get off-!” I shoved him away. “No one hurt me. I tripped. So what. Big deal. What are you even doing here?!”

He stared for a moment before looking down. “I came after you... why else would I be here? You left so suddenly...”

“So you just lollygagged because it really didn’t matter that much huh-”

“No!” he snapped and struggled a little to get the bag off his back. “You left without your jacket or shoes, I wanted to have them so you wouldn’t be walking back cold... not that it matters... seeing as it’s raining now...” he looked down at the bag, eyes swimming.

I scoffed without thinking and took the bag. I pulled on the jacket, wincing as it brushed agains the scrapes, then pulled on my shoes. “Let’s just... get home before we both catch a cold...” I sniffled.

Nothing more was said as he helped me home. We sat quietly as he cleaned the wounds while I hid my face under the towel draped over my head. I could feel his hands shaking against my skin. When he moved to kneel in front of me to tend to my knees I saw the tears still swimming in his eyes. I gently reached forward with my bandaged hand and touched his cheek. He flinched. 

“Haru... please talk to me...”

He took a shuddering breath. Then said nothing for a time as he continued to work. When he finished he looked around and checked his phone. I felt every part of me crumble as he continued to ignore me--

Then suddenly he was kissing me. Hard. Not some peck like he normally does. This is passionate and hot, searing my lips. I couldn’t help the moan that left me as I leaned into it. 

“Happy New Year...” he whispered. “I’m sorry I haven’t been the best boyfriend... but I swear I’ll try harder okay? I love you Rin...”

When I finally was able to look at his eyes they were shining. Not with tears and I was certain there wasn’t enough water nearby. No, he was looking at me like that. A genuine, loving gaze. I couldn’t help the shocked laugh that left me. “You said it... you finally said it...” 

I pulled him back into the kiss. “Happy New Year Haru... I love you too...” I felt him smile against my lips.

He gasped when I picked him up. “Now to the bedroom~” I sang with a smirk. 

--

The next morning came late. I woke groggy but cheerful. There was a quiet groan from beside me and some grumble about how his back hurt. “Hush now... I’ll make breakfast, you stay in bed...” 

As I came out to the kitchen, Sousuke happened to be walking in with a severly hung over Makoto - not that he looked to be doing any better. Yet there was a small twinkle in his eyes. “Morning Rin...” he grumbled, voice hoarse. 

“Happy New Year Sousuke... have anything to talk about?” I smirked knowingly by the way he limped.

“Yes... but let me put this guy to bed... again...” he hobbled off.