#toothache

wrap.   wrap an arm around my muse’s arm. — @tooth--ache (moppy).

❛ is this really necessary ? ❜ he would have moppy at arm’s length if he could, if its own limb weren’t utterly entangled like a vine around the muscle of his bicep. in compensation he instead juts his neck backward to create distance, watching with a blatant discomfort as it . . . what, analyses ? this is the reason cardigans and jackets were in welcome supply back on earth, because the comments on how no scientist has a right to have a physique like that were getting awkward to dance around. now that the niceties of eva suits have been discarded in favour for corny graphic tees and jumpsuits tied at the waist, he really should have seen this coming. maybe he could have anticipated and made some sort of course correction, some damage control.

i know, woe is me for having a build that is commented on in a positive manner. but some of us don’t want to be commented on, and certainly not latched onto.

❝ Hey man... ❞ She tugged the butterscotch Dum-Dums from her mouth with a quiet pop and let it hang to the side in between her fingers. ❝ What the fuck are you talking about? What girl? Are you the girl? Whaaaat town? Who are you talking to? ❞

She gestured with the candy vaguely around her. It was, in fact, just the two of them in the immediate vicinity. ❝ You better not be some freak. Had about enough of those, you know? ❞

munday questions. accepting.

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a peck after receiving good news. — @tooth--ache (moppy).

think about it long time. think about it he had, think about it he continues to do, the temporary escape from erid one that stifles and strangles with the overwhelming sense of fulfilment. of purpose. the news of the sun, his sun, earth’s sun’s light being replenished is an insurmountable boon to his mind. it is affirmation of years of his life having been for something, the verification of a duty being completed. no more guesswork. no more guilt. of course, it is not as simple a closure as that, the dilemma of home and what that means a whole other kettle of fish, but he has to dissect this information one segment at a time, come to terms with the significance of his success before he moves onto deciding what to do with it. he has come to love erid, even the space travels that come with it, the search for others struggling with the same crisis, the discovery of the cormorant and new species entirely, of technology far more advanced than his own. if he had gone out in hopes of satiating his curiosity, he had both come out tremendously victorious and completely failed at once. the need for knowledge is like a hole, cavernous and getting ever bigger the more that is taken from it.

❛ it’s impossible to explain. ❜ he grasps for words helplessly, his hands aflutter but never truly settling on any one gesture. grace sits with knees up, body small, shoulders tucked under the shawl of a blanket with a coffee he keeps going to sip but distracts himself from really drinking. why isn’t he celebrating ? he saved the world, humanity. but it doesn’t feel real, like it was someone else that did it, someone else that should reap the rewards since he will never see its fruition : he could, if he decided to go back, but in his heart of hearts he knows the choice he has made, has yet to voice it and carve it into the bedrock of his tombstone. he will live and die on erid.

❛ it’s like . . . like it hasn’t happened. i feel like i’ve achieved something— extraordinary, but what has it changed ? everything. it’s changed everything, but i’m still the same person and it’s not like some magic wand has fixed it and— and— ❜ the hiccup in his words reaches a high, and he doesn’t realise he’s crying until moppy pecks his cheek, soft and delicate, and in its wake he feels the wetness that resides there. it is enough to still him in his tracks, temper the residual drumming of his fingers against mug and even out the hitching of air in his chest. he smiles, weak and guilty, eyes downcast and unwilling to meet.

only i could make saving the world so complicated. i should be over the moon, jumping for joy, and there is a part of me that’s elated, that thanks my lucky stars that the place i’ve known and grown from still exists, has a chance to restore the damage that has undoubtedly spread and start anew. but all the people i know and care about ( not that there were many ) will be gone, or well on the way to being so, so what truly does it mean for me ? what, or who, does that make me ?

Clark was distracted. No, he was busy. As always. He was shuffling papers and putting them away into folders and then filing those files into drawers or simply directly into a shredder. It was hard to ever get him to sit still unless there was genuine distress he needed to attend to, wounds to salve, etc.

Finally though, he let a stack of papers settle back onto his desk and he sighed. He braced his hands onto the surface and hung his head for a beat. Not as though dealing with Howard was annoying or draining, but because he knew trying to explain whatever reasoning he had swirling around in that head of his was going to be a headache. It always was.

❝ Howard, that case made Cyde Sterling. Foster child turned adopted single son turned nepo baby turned business tycoon heir. ❞ He laid it all out and looked at Howard expectantly. ❝ A character, my love. That I built from bottom to top. A part in a play. One I'm done with. Prematurely, sure. But it happens. Maybe not since we've been together, but it has happened. I just get... bored. I scrap projects. ❞

Projects in this case being an entire identity, an entire life. A person. ❝ None of this matters to me, you know that right? You matter to me. We matter. But everything else? I've told you-— hobbies. Distractions. And sometimes I get bored or I don't see a distraction worth bothering to see through to its usual end of lifespan. I don't get attached to any of this. ❞

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