I don’t want to think about it, but I feel like this year is weighing heavily on me. Even before the year started, I could already feel that my best friend was becoming distant. I don’t know why, but she no longer answers my calls and messages as often. For example, if I message her today, she’ll reply the next day or even after three days, and her responses are very minimal.
Does it hurt? Yes! Because she has been with me through the ups and downs of my life, and now this is happening. I have no idea what the reason is or why things have turned out this way. I feel like maybe I did something wrong.I don’t know if it’s because of the money she still hasn’t paid me back—that maybe she’s avoiding me because of it. But honestly, it’s fine with me if she just tells me she hasn’t been able to collect from those who owe her money; I would understand. Or maybe she really is just busy, as she says, and I’m just overthinking things.
I'm feeling really stressed with life. Sometimes, I get anxious about my child. I keep thinking, what if he grows up not recognizing me as his mother because he's closer to my sister-in-law? What if he starts calling her "Mama" instead, and I become nothing to him?
Then there's my dream of having my own house. My coworkers are already building their homes, while mine is still just in my imagination because I don’t even have land to build on. It makes me want to cry because I’ve wanted this for so long—not just as a simple wish, but as something I truly, deeply long for.
And then there's my husband. It feels like he prefers that we continue living with his sister. I feel like he has no plans for us to have our own place because he never talks about it. I’m always the one making plans, always the one saying, "I want this, I want that," only for him to call me demanding or difficult.
It’s sad, it’s painful, and it feels so heavy to deal with this every single day. I’m trying my best to endure it, even though I can truly feel how hard it is.
