#tonah

Before T.J. can answer, he’s interrupted by the human equivalent of a golden retriever. Jonah Beck, just the kid he was looking for. He’s fairly certain that Jonah was the first person he had a crush on (but, of course, he didn’t realize that’s what it was at the time). It makes since considering how similar he is to Cyrus, his current and most intense crush.

“T.J., what’s going on man?” Jonah asks, a genuine smile plastered on his face.

“This is going to sound weird, but I kind of came to talk to you,” T.J. says, internally cringing at how stalker-ish that sounds. “I swung by your house and your mom told me you’d be here.”

“You guys are friends?” Bowie questions.

“Totally!” Jonah exclaims. “Buffy and him are cool now.”

“How’d that happen?” asks Bowie.

“Cyrus,” T.J. and Jonah answer in-sync.

“Wow, that kid is special,” Bowie says, clearly surprised. Jonah can’t help but notice the way T.J. (not-so-subtly) nods in agreement. “Well, I will leave you two be, then. Good lesson today Jonah.”

“Thanks,” Jonah responds as Bowie retreats to the back of the store to organize the records.

T.J. turns back to the records and absentmindedly flips through what he now knows to be the “Golden Age” musicals. He doesn’t entirely know what that entails, but it does include the movie soundtracks to Singin’ in the Rain and The Wizard of Oz so they have to be decent at least.

“Is there something you wanted to talk about?” Jonah questions, breaking the silence that hung between them.

“You and Cyrus are close, right?” T.J. asks in his best (failed) attempt to be nonchalant.

“Not as close as you seem to be with him,” Jonah answers honestly, “But yeah, I guess.”

“Has he ever,” T.J. begins, stuffing his clammy hands into his jean pockets, “I don’t know, maybe mentioned...being into guys?”

“Even if he has, it wouldn’t be my business to tell,” Jonah shrugs. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason,” T.J. answers. He can’t bring himself to look at the boy standing in front of him. He knows he’s a terrible liar, especially when it comes to matters surrounding his fairly obvious crush on Cyrus. He only hopes that Jonah is just as oblivious as everyone thinks, but he’s not that lucky.

“You like Cyrus, don’t you?” Jonah says, causing the other boy’s heart to sink.

“What? No,” T.J. stammers, knowing his efforts are fleeting. “Definitely not.”

“T.J., you don’t have to lie,” Jonah assures him. “Whatever you say stays between us."

“Fine. Yes, I have a huge, overwhelming, heart-aching, intense crush on him,” T.J. admits, beginning to ramble. “And I don’t know what to do about it. And it’s consuming my every thought. I lay in bed every night wide away just thinking about his adorable puppy-dog eyes and his cute dorky personality and I daydream about him every day in class. It’s killing me. I can’t just go up to him and be like ‘hey bro, are you gay?’ I’m so scared of losing him because right now he’s the only thing in my life that doesn’t suck. What do I do?”

Jonah freezes. He’s taken aback by the sudden passion that entirely consumes T.J. as he opens up to him. “I think the only thing to do is to tell him,” Jonah answers after his stunned silence. “Or at least come out to him.”

“Yeah right,” T.J. scoffs. Even thinking about confessing his feelings causes his throat to go dry and his heart to beat out of his chest.

“I’m serious,” Jonah says defensively. “You never know unless you put yourself out there. And, believe me. Cyrus is amazing. He’d never abandon you for having feelings. Also, between you and me, I have a strong feeling that he does, in fact, like you.”

“What?” T.J. asks, feeling a sudden flutter of hope in his heart. “How would you know?”

“Well, I don’t know for sure, but I really think I’m right,” Jonah says. “He’s always thought more of you than anyone else, even when you gave him no reason to. Plus, I’ve seen the way he looks at you. It’s so soft and affectionate and trusting and…it’s exactly the way he used to look at me.”

“What do you mean?” T.J. says, feeling a bit of jealousy bubbling up in his stomach.

“I think he used to like me,” Jonah admits.

“Of course he did,” T.J. sighs. “I…I mean. Who hasn’t had a crush on THE Jonah Beck?”

“Did you have one on me?” Jonah teases.

“I think so. I didn’t really recognize what it was at the time.”

“I was too oblivious to see it at the time, but he was so obvious,” Jonah says. The smile on his face as he talks about their muffin-loving best friend can only be described as fond.

“Do you…like him?” T.J. asks hesitantly.

Jonah sighs and says, “I think so. I don’t know."

“Then why are you giving me advice?” T.J. questions with an edge to his voice. Why would Jonah want to help him win over the boy that he himself has a crush on?

“Because I realize my chance with him has come and gone,” Jonah answers somewhat bitterly. Not wanting to come of too mean he adds, “And I don’t think I’d be ready to commit right now. So go for it, Kippen.”

“Are you sure?” T.J. asks. “I don’t want this to turn into another seven year long grudge.”

“I’m sure,” Jonah says smiling, “You guys would be good together.”

T.J. breaks into a genuine, dorky smile. “Sorry if this is intrusive, but are you gay or…”

“I think I’m bi,” Jonah answers.

“Oh,” T.J. says, “I’m very gay, by the way.”

“Thanks for telling me,” Jonah says. “I’m still confused about myself, but what’s new?”

T.J. laughs, bringing his hand up to engage in a bro-shake. “I should probably get going,” T.J. says, gesturing to the door. “I’m meeting up with Cyrus and his friends.”

“Meeting up with Cyrus, huh?” Jonah smirks, cocking his eyebrow suggestively.

“Stop it,” T.J. responds. He’s trying to sound serious, but there is a slight blush donning his cheeks that gives him away.

“Have fun, man,” Jonah says. T.J. nods in appreciation and spins around before being stopped by Jonah’s voice. “Oh, and T.J. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m always here for you.”

“Thanks Beck,” T.J. answers. “And, uh, the same goes for you.”

Jonah smiles as T.J. exits the store. He turns to see Bowie who is now standing right in front of him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Bowie asks.

“How much of that did you hear?” Jonah groans. This is not how he expected his coming out experience to begin.

“Kind of all of it,” Bowie answers. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s cool, just don’t tell Andi,” he begs. “I’m not ready for her to know.”

“Don’t worry man,” Bowie says, “Your secret’s safe with me. And, whenever you’re ready to talk, I can help. I know exactly what you’re going through.”

“How?” Jonah questions.