#tomaru

3: Hiruzen for being a little fascist elitist bitch boy and also a sexual predator

2: Jiraiya for being a sexual predator

1: Tomaru for being a straight up pedophile who actively preys on young girls. I hate him and I hate the whole episode arc, why does he exist and why does nobody address the fact that he grooms, kisses, and tries to marry 12 year old girls. I would like to wish the creator of this character and all of his episodes a very lovely die immediately 

Sketch Dump #3

The episode starts with Choji  showing some jutsus to Chocho, but she's actually watching  a soap opera on her tablet.

Chocho-centric filler episode? I can dig it!

Then Chocho asks Choji to sign some sort of release form and he complains because she got it all sticky.

Then cut to some other place where Orochimaru and Mitsuki are training together. What is this episode, "Better Father Than Naruto day"? Not that I'm complaining. Orochimaru doesn't even live in the same country as his son, but is somehow more capable of spending more time with his son than Naruto, who lives in the same house as his son. Explain that.

Then Mitsuki asks Orochimaru to also sign a release form like Choji and he's like "Are you my father or my mother?" and Orochimaru's like, "Sometimes I'm a man, sometimes I'm a woman and sometimes I'm something else, but that doesn't matter because of something to do with uncovering the truth." Which, as Orochimaru observes, doesn't really answer the question.

Then cut back to Chocho's soap opera. Two star-crossed lovers from different clans try to overcome their families' hatred for eachother. It's like Romeo and Juliet Shikadai and Ryogi but with a man and a woman instead of two guys.

It's so touching. I tell you I am wiping a single tear from my eye as I type this.

Then Chocho's mom shows up and Chocho starts being snarky at her because Choji's not as hot as the guy in her soap opera (which is kinda rude, but Chocho gets a free pass cause she's awesome) and Chocho's mom is like, "You wanna throw down, daughter!?"

Then cut to some time later and Chocho is going somewhere with Sarada.

Chocho's talking about how Choji is dense somehow and Sarada's like "I know all about that".

Then Chocho's like "I'm not going to be bound by calories, but I'm ok with being bound by friendship because I have a big heart."

And then Sarada's like "You've also got a big heart."

Which I think is probably a fat joke, which is not very in-character for Sarada. Either that or it's some sort of pun that probably makes more sense if you speak Japanese, which I do not. As is, I'm going by subtitles.

And then Chocho's like "I'm damn near perfect." which I agree with 100%.

Then she's like "I'm just missing one thing: A man!" NOOOOO! Don't go boy crazy, Chocho!

Then she decides she needs to be thin to get a man, which is not even true, even if I approved of her getting a man in the first place, which I don’t. Especially if her prospective beau is a certain douchebag from the Sand who shall remain unnamed.

Then Chocho uses the secret Akimichi clan technique to make herself thin, which seems ill-advised.

Then cut to Boruto and Mitsuki, who are talking about how they're going to be bodyguards for some actor and Boruto's like "I'd much rather we were guarding an actress."

I must say I don't approve of this newfound interest in the opposite sex. This will attract the shippers and then we'll all be doomed.

Anyway, then they get to the place where the ninjas get ninjas missions and Sarada nags Boruto about being late and Boruto mistakes Chocho for an actress but Mitsuki recognizes her immediately and he's like "You're so uninhibited, Chocho" and Chocho's like, "Don't go declaring your eternal love for me."

Then they go inside and run into the actor and actress from Chocho's soap opera. Saw that coming.

Then Chocho's being all aloof and all that for some reason and they all go the Naruto's office.

Of note: Naruto keeps a picture of Sasuke, Sakura, Kakashi and himself on his desk, but no pictures of his family. No Boruto, no Himawari, not even a single tiny picture of Hinata, the love of his life. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate Naruto Uzumaki?

Anyway, it seems like Tomaru and Ashina have received a death threat. I'm not saying that it's probably because of a shipper who was upset that Ashina didn't hook up with Tomaru's best friend, Ninja Mercutio, but I'm not saying that it's not.

Meanwhile, Boruto is perving on the actress lady and Chocho's like "Hey Sarada, do I smell like consomme?" which is some type of soup.

Anyway, then cut to the film studio and Chocho continues to be aloof. She's doing a thing where she pretends she doesn't like the guy so that he'll fall madly in love with her cold indifference.

Hey, it's not like she doesn't know for a fact that the strategy works: After all, that's how Sarada was born. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! Someone get Ryogi. We’re gonna need some ice for that burn.

Anyway, Shikadai and Inojin are unimpressed by Tomaru's dashing good looks and are like "Boruto's team got the better end of the deal."

Then cut to Ashina's green room. Boruto is holding her water for her while Sarada fans her and Mitsuki reads her fan mail. "To the beautiful Miss Ashina...", "You are like a goddess", "You will probably go to Hell..." Wait what?!?!? She doesn't even care about that one. Apparently she gets letters like that all the time.

Then she tells Sarada to go buy her some cough drops and cut back to Tomaru.

Chocho continues to shun him with her cold indifference until she's out of his sight and she starts freaking out. Apparently, the cold indifference thing is involuntary. She doesn't know how to act around the dream boat and she wonders why she isn't acting like herself.

Then Sarada shows up and they argue for a bit over why Chocho is acting weird, which she denies for some reason.

Then she leaves and runs into Tomaru, who gives her the prop engagement ring from the show to guard.

Then Chocho decides she's going to marry Tomaru, which I do not approve of, not least because he's probably evil. He's way too nice to be legit.

But then the studio gets attacked by some guy. He drops a smokescreen but Shikadai catches him and Chocho gets fat again and is about to punch the shit out of him but then she sees Tomaru and gets skinny again and punches the bad guy too hard so he gets knocked out of Shikadai's jutsu and is able to escape.

Cut to later that day and it seems one of the non-Ashina actresses was injured in the attack but Tomaru decides to have Chocho take her place temporarily so as not to throw off the filming schedule.

THE SHOW IS LITERALLY CALLED ROMY & JULE WHAT EVEN IS THIS

The scene is a kissing scene. I don't approve on account of how transparently evil Tomaru is.

Then roll credits.